The adventures of Makkar Dhoj: Football Session

Dedicated to old sajhaites: Deep and Jira

I am new in USA.

I just started a new job since last month. I know, when everybody’s loosing job how did I get one? Well I guess they let two expensive candidates go and hired a cheap workhorse. I don’t mind the job except for the working part.

Anyways, my coworkers asked me if I am into Football. I wasn’t sure what “into” meant but I said I used to play a lot of that backhome. So they invited me for a tag-football session. I didn’t know why they called it tag, I thought they don’t take out the “PUMA” tag from the ball to show-off,  but I told them I will be there. Then there I was dressed in my T and shorts with my brand new football cleat I bought from a store that employs retired referees.

At first I thought I was lost as the field was all measured up and marked as if somebody was going to cut it into pieces. Then instead of a goal with nets, I saw two yellow bars inverted up. I was about to leave when Joe from accounting called me and asked me where my gear is. I said it’s in my car and he asked me to get it. I didn’t know how to pull out a gear from the car, besides it was an automatic. I just stared at him; part of it was because he looked twice his size. He was stuffed real heavy with what looked like pillows under his shoulders. Weirdest thing was he was wearing a helmet and I couldn’t see any motor bikes in sight.

I got all riled up, my head started spinning and I just stepped outside of the field. Then they brought a ball which shouldn’t be called a ball. It was more like a lapsi, I thought they pulled the ball so much it was elongated. It was enough for me, I left. I could hear them shouting and each other and someguy had enough of it too, he started running with a ball in his hand. So much for the football.

Back to work everybody was asking me why I left and never come back. Krishna from IT then coached me about the American football. I lost him after he said the only time they kick it is during field goals and kickoffs. But I decided to watch it on TV. There were too many things I didn’t understand but I took them as they are. I still can’t tell you why they can’t continue playing instead of breaking every 15 seconds, I don’t know why 11 players leave the field at once and another 11 comes from the same team..I am thinking this is to confuse another team. The last game I watched, they had the players wearing pink everything: pink gloves, pink shoes etc etc. My new roommate told me that is to support breast cancer awareness. Breast cancer in Men’s league? I am waiting for them to hang the support Testicular cancer in WPGA tourney next.

This is a work of fiction. If it matches your life then sue me.