Allysma,

The meaning of justice is not what you would do if the 'victim' were your sister. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Those whose sisters are wronged want the extreme sentence and those whose sisters are accused want the most lenient sentence. As a judge, you don't want to be either. You want to see the facts, and be disattached to all kind of emotions.

I have nothing but the highest degree of sympathy for the victim, Allysma. God bless her, and if wrong has been done to her, she deserves kudo for coming out, reporting the crime and taking it to the conclusion. But I think every crime has a condign punishment.

So, when you judged this case, Alysma, if you put yourself on the shoes of the victim, then you made a grave error. You were supposed to be dispassionate. Nispriha, as they say in sanskrit. You have given a lifetime of prison to someone, and you will have to live with questions like mine for the rest of your lifetime. I am sure you will always ask yourself whether you made a right decision. It is you who have to live with the consequence of your decision, not me. It is you have the burden to defend your decision, not me. Suppose, you hear of the same crime committed by a white man in Nebraska tomorrow, perhaps more heinous, but he is sentenced to five years in prison by white jury there, then it will be you who will have to justify your decision, not me.

So, my answer to your question is I won't be hypocrite. I am a normal man, and I have all emotions god has given to me. If my sister is wronged, and I am convinced of that, I would want the sick bastard to be in jail for as long as possible. But civil societies throughout the world have a system; it is not what a victim want that is called justice.

Now, here is one thing: you knew that you wrote this sentence

"There would have been no crime since she was 18 and he would be free and clear. ."

and then

 "..I am not saying specifically he would be free,"

you know you changed your statement quickly. Under a gruelling questioning, it is normal for a man to change statements once in a while and be inconsistent. So, if someone is sent to jail for 350 years for one statement, then I am not sure what to say about it. I also thought your sentence

"Does it really make a difference if he gets 76 or 350 years?  A life sentence is a life sentence...." was a flippant. At least, in Nepal, it does. First , there are several ways one can work to reduce their sentence. Model prisoners earn prison sentence reductions periodically. So, if it is 76, one can still hope to come out, smell the air of Lake Tahoe before his death. If it is 350 years, that probability is less.

Best wishes to you. I still want to believe that as a jury member, you did all you could to reach a verdict that was just. God bless you if you did everything justly, and I am sure your reward is in heaven.