Michael Jackson was already an accomplished performer during the 70s,
before his signature song "Thriller" exploded into the scene in 1982,
but the audio of his immortal song "Thriller" was my very first
introduction to western music, or western anything.



I don't remember the only radio station in Nepal at that time playing
English songs and I did not own records or cassettes of Michael's
songs, or any western songs. But it was hard to miss a few of his songs
that were played in some parties, the lyrics for which I could never
understand, beyond a very few words. But the music was irresistibly
novel, foreign, likable and hard to ignore.



What also were impossible to miss in Kathmandu of early to mid 80's,
much more than the sound of his songs, were the "break dance", the
"moonwalk" and--to top them all--the signature jacket with metal
zippers and big shoulders with sleeves slightly pushed upwards, that
the coolest of the cool guys in the town adopted.



I saw them walking around in style sporting this cool fashion from this
cool and distant west that I was only vaguely aware of (no TV, no
Internet, no foreign magazines other than Indian). At least a few of
these guys perhaps knew the words to Michael's songs. The truly
talented ones could even do the moonwalk or the breakdance, with or
without the signature zipper jacket.



For me the zipper jacket was totally out of question. I neither had the
money, nor the sense of fashion nor the guts to acquire or show off
such a brazenly western icon.



The dance and the moonwalk...forget them. I don't remember ever trying
them. I had no illusions about fluidity of my movements or my talent at
any dance moves. I had mixed feelings about these guys who were into
Michael Jackson props. I thought they had something that I did not and
could not achieve...a connection to the west (that for me was as
distant and unreachable as the moon), a familiarity with the western
culture (that I neither knew nor understood), and their audacity to
adopt any part of the western culture. At the same time I thought their
giving in to the western culture was a matter of betrayal of the native
culture. I didn't think that the two could be mixed in any way without
resulting in some measure of corruption of your character.



That was perhaps my very first struggle with this long running battle
in my mind between what I thought was my self-enforced duty to preserve
and practice my culture vs. the notion of progression to modernity and
understanding or appreciation of the western culture.



I have come a long way and there's not much of the struggle left in me
between practicing modernity (whatever that means) and understanding of
western culture vs. respecting, preserving or practicing the native
culture of Nepal, which itself has been in a state of great flux and
less and less recognizable each time I go back to Nepal.



But Michael Jackson, his songs, his influence on the local youth as
well as my awareness of them and my reaction to them are etched in my
mind forever. They are some of the powerful stuff that make up what's
left of my memories of my early and late teen years.



So, it was sad for me to hear today around 7 PM NY time that MJ was no
more. I wasn't having a particularly good time to begin with, having
spent an entire hour looking for parking. Then I heard it on the radio
and my heart just sank as I tuned to one radio station after another
and heard them talking about his final moments or playing his songs.



It was a much more intimate and stronger reaction than I would have
thought of, since I never felt like I was a big fan of his. Not in the
way his professed fans feel, anyway.



Not that I didn't admire him. I think he is one of those rare geniuses
who was born to do what he did and couldn't have been otherwise in his
life. He produced magic without any effort--his voice, the beats, the
music, and of course his mesmerizing stage presence and his
unforgettably fluid moves. It was pure magic from a genius born to
entertain. I remember buying one album...History II. Most thought it
was a flop, but I enjoyed most of the songs.



So I am really sad about his passing. It is a great loss to the world.
After all his personal troubles, I think he had cured himself of his
demons and he was practicing hard for his upcoming long tour in
England. It probably would have been his great comeback and the
beginning of his second act in his life.



I am also sad because I remember those old bygone days intertwined with
his memories. How I have changed. And how the world has changed. It
will not be the same anymore. Of course it is never the same, with or
without having Michael alive at this moment, but still...it's a stark
reminder that over time things are not and will not be the same.



RIP Michael.