At any level, I don't think you can compromise your family. There can be things that cannot be easily settled, but I think you should choose to make compromises with both your family and your girlfriend/wife. It's never a wise choice to leave your family, and if the girl is someone you choose to live with the for the rest of your life, you should try to work it out. It will definitely be hard, but there is nothing that can't be done. It is a decision that will affect you for the rest of your life, so make sure you know what you are doing before you do it. Often at times, you make the wrong choice and later opt to not like it when family ties have already been broken, and things are not as same as they were before.

I think you should carefully listen and  understand the circumstances that you should face, should you choose to go one way or the other. It's never an easy choice but, before you make any  down drop decisions, I think you should really consider listening to what your family is trying to convey. They might be right or wrong, depending on how you perceive things, but they would never lead you on the wrong path.