don't be sorry crazy.
my comment was based on my own experience. i came through  the shame phase, almost the same as u described here. but i'm not running  after her when she left.
as we all know,  there is no way we can find out what is inside the woman's mind.  i don't  know where she is now but i still i want to see her, at least once. i want to see her not because i want her but because i would love to see what she got after she left me; name, fame, money  or what? a

i may get my answer someday.......................kathmandu is not big and i'm not in US forever.

keep writing. i'm curious to know how u'll end this story.