so how would you show the two children (born some years apart and hence in different time(?) and at different places) in "one" scene (scene I)?

BTW, the mention of "scenes" (or takes ) is relevant/appropriate only if/when you're writing(shooting) a play and not while narrating a story.

General Narendra who was watching his granddaughter with natural curiosity told his wife,” Hatar gariyo justo cha.”

I don't know if I understood this line correctly. Hatar gariyo for the gunyucholi ceremony? If my limited knowledge about our culture serves me right, the ceremony is held once a girl menstruates for the very first time. there ain't no hatar or delay as such. but you are a girl. you should know it better than me :P

the remaining story is flawless (some occasional grammatical and punctuational slips apart -- but then again, i should not be throwing stones when I myself live in the most fragile of homes :P)...

I liked the way you weaved the plot. very cute, engaging and 'realistic' (despite being a fiction). You are a talented writer! Keep writing!