And I was here in America , pursuing my masters, living American dream, missing family and friends back home and her too once in a while. The days were passing steadily when some familiar kind of name added me as friend in a msn messenger. And the person was she. When I first chatted with her , it took me half an hour to convince myself that it was anjali. I was thinking why a married woman will add her ex whom she left willingly. As we chatted she revealed me that she was never married and did all those things just to push me away. And she told that shreya was never happy to see her and me together as she had found out that I truly loved anjali but tope did not so she got jealouse. She was the one to set up everything for our break up. I was not sure what to believe and what to not. She also told me that shreya forced her to that guy so that she could be with another guy since both those guys were best friend like me and tope.

Then she started apologizing, lamenting for all the mistakes she had made. She told me what she did was a mistake not a sin so I should be able to forgive her. I told her its not that hard to forgive but its really hard to forget. If I don’t forget I wont be able to forgive. She took every means possible to convince me. I was slowly drawing towards here once again because of the lonliness we guys normally feel abroad. Then we started chatting regulary. Shw would say that shw would wait for me in the msn and I was there. I was chatting to her till 5 in the morning and she wanted to chat more. And one day when we both turned out webcam on she started crying looking at me. Even my heart melted. But still I kept myself aware and made her clear nothing like before can ever happen before her and me. But I was sinking again and I knew that but could not help me ( what a moron I am). Then she said that there was nothing left in her life except for her mother and was talking depressing things and even revealed her tendencies of suicide. I was afraid because I knew what was going in her life from before. So I tried to keep her happy anyway possible. And on her birthday I sent her gift as well as called hero and talked to her about an hour. She seemed really happy and I was satisfied to make her smile. Things went on and I asked why was not she married. She told me she was waiting for someone ( indicated in sign it was me). Then there was my birthday. She called me , wished me and said sorry for not being able to send a gift freom Nepal . Then we chatted . During the chat the lights went off there so she called ma and we talked again for a while.

Then now its been more than two months since we last chatted and now she is gone, She does not come online, does not respond to my sms, doesnot reply my emails and does not even pick up her phone. And I am confused. If she got married in this time I am happy for her ( at least she could have told me). I am also afraid that if she has done something foolish to hurt herself. And my last fear , had I been used and manipulated as before to have my heart shattered by her yet one more time? I know for all the things she has done to me I hate her. I hate her a lot. But I love her a lot more than I hate her. She taught me how to love, how to care and how to suffer. No matter what happenes, where I go whatever I do , she will always be in my heart as my first love and in my mind as my worst nightmare. I am just waiting for her response so that  I could get along with my life knowing what has happened in her life. I am still waiting for this pain to be over…………

Hope she responds so that I will know everything is allright