An A for effort, a C for the presentation. I clearly understand the trials and tribulations one has to undergo to write even a two page story and I applaud your effort as it can clearly be seen that you've tried real hard.  Only qualm I had is the "c" you use cheaply all around instead of just a plain old "she".  This isn't chat-room material that you go on present here.  Understand that there has to be a fine distinction between juvienile lingo and presenting your work of art, your baby to the public to shed their side of its opinion on.  I can feel that in time, you'd definitely end up at par with some of the better writers we have here once you accept the constructive criticism your readers give you and you WORK on improving it.  

Looking forward to the sequel (or the rest of the story if any).

In the meantime, enjoy this from The Beatles...In line with your story above: