लोप्चनजी

(my comments are strictly related to the structure of your ghazal)

तपाईले प्रयोग गर्नु भएको काफीया बुद्द, गिद्द, यूद्द , पित्त छन् !

पित्त र गिद्द बाहेक अरु "द्द" अन्तिममा ऊच्चारण हुने शब्दहरु जस्को अगाडी "उ" (उदाहरण = ब+उ = बु , य+ऊ =यू) आउछ  ! 
"गिद्द" मा (ग + इ) आउछ ! यस अर्थमा सबै "उ" ऊच्चारण हुने शब्द प्रयोग गर्नु भए बेस होला - 

यस्ता खालका "काफीया" पनि नभएका होईनन् तर शास्त्रीय नियम पालना गर्ने हो भई शब्दहरु जस्तै "अबरुद्द , बिरुद्द, क्रुद्द, शुद्द" जस्का 
"द्द" अगाडी "उ" ऊच्चारण हुने प्रयोग गर्नु भए कसैले बिरोध गर्दैनन् ! पित्त त हुदैं भएन (in my rulebook ) !

बुद्द र यूद्दको प्रयोग धेरै ठाउंमा भएका छन् repeatedly - 

गजलमा सक्दो उहि माने दिने खालका शब्द या काफीया प्रयोग उचित मानिन्न - अनुभबको कमी मानिदा रहेछन् (कसैको किताबको भूमीकामा पढेको मैले !)
If you can move "एउटा" and incorporate into radif - the repititions would sound logical.

So you basically have to rewrite almost every thing !!

I felt like being a TA (without pay)

+

+ 

+

+

चिरायु शान्ती रहिरने, युद्ध चाहिएको छ एउटा

चिरायु शान्ती फौलाउने, बुद्ध चाहिएको छ एउटा

(Did you say something new? or merely repiting what others have said !! )

I did not mean to discourage you !! When you understand and follow the rules of ghazals you will be able to enjoy more.