LL-jee,

The last three lines would make a beautiful Haiku. Very close to 5-7-5 syllables rule of Haiku. However, the whole piece is still good.

One important note. In every kind of writing, one thing that is very important is coherence (सामञ्जस्य ).

No part should be out of place or contradicting with other.

In this one, चाहे धोखा दिने निस्ठुरी भन  appears out of place or contradicting with the rest of the story.

Otherwise good one. Sounds sweet.

Keep writing.

Nepe