Part 5: Badman Returns, Shakes Hand with Goodman

My friendship with Protshahana went on a cruise control mode thereafter. The road for us was wide enough but tiny was the margin of error as we had given a tacit approval to each other to not change the lane or the speed -- there was neither a need of it nor a peer pressure of any sorts for any undue changes. We had a life-long drive ahead and I knew, and I thought you did too, that our journey was going to be a smooth one devoid of any bumpy ride. The only potential menace was your random and shallow thoughts but you too were made to accept the bitter fact that she belonged to somebody else and that I being the rock of Gibraltar in-between would not let any of your erratic thoughts to get mentioned, let alone materialize.

But life is just a series of crests and troughs, isn’t it? More interestingly, you don't know whether you're in a trough until you are climbing out, or on a peak until you are coming down. They come in little packages of surprises and shocks. You never know what's round the corner. But it's all good. As Dolly Parton had put: if you want the rainbow, you've gotta put up with the rain.

“Am I a bad girl?” – She had put me in discomfort that day during what I thought was just another normal chit-chatting hour over the phone.

“Yes you are! Very bad, in-fact very, very bad, grotesque, YUCK! ” – I had tried taking the question with levity.

“No, be honest! I think they don’t trust me. It’s either just me or all of them. Biraj I thought was an exception but even he thinks I need to change if I want him to be with me” – Her voice was seeking for more seriousness in my part.

“What’s the matter? Will you elaborate? If you’ve still missed, I have a thick corpus callosum for serious issues.”

“I don’t think I will be able to tell you everything over the phone. It hurts. Can you come online? I think it’s more comfortable for me.”

****

Over MSN, she told me how the trust factor between them had started to enfeeble because of a misunderstanding. “Men are always the same!” – She had concluded in the end. Did it bother your ego? It did mine. I would say my self respect. There is a thin line between the two.

Au contraire, I found that her indiscreet remarks and reckless actions -- albeit in her oblivion-- had also played some part in widening the already widened rift between the duo due to the misunderstanding.

“You wouldn’t know what you lost, until you actually lose it. Why weren’t you guys talking with each other on the issue for so long?” – I had asked her after knowing that they were in a different page for more than a month.

“I don’t know, I wanted him to realize it was his mistake”

“And what made you think that you were completely unstained?”

“I am a girl. He should give me the benefit of doubts. And it’s men who should make up”

“Hmmm… quite interesting. Sort of rules eh? But, to me, that’s being a sexist” – I was honest with my opinion.

“Oh I am done with all this. I think I am happier being single. I love him but I cannot live with someone who would put up a fight on petty stuffs. I am so done with it! I don’t believe in it anymore”

Her sudden impulsive response had me in splits even after knowing the gravity of the issue.

“Ha ha ha! And you thought you were in love, didn’t you? I don’t understand more than half of these kids who say they’re in a relationship. Have seen their facebook profiles. The status keeps changing in every 2 weeks. Not a problem Protshahana. Another kid on the block and life moves on! Ha ha ha!”

“Very funny. I thought you would at least understand me if not sympathize and look at you!”

“No I am serious. I am thinking of a story too. Think I should find a producer and get it done once and for all. Would make a blockbuster. Do you want to know the title? ‘Biru Prots – A tale about two kids’. Oscar, golden globe --you name it ha ha ha! ”

*****

“Wow! Perfect. What a timing! Where were you all these days? I had tried to alleviate her pain but you had to intrude your sorry face with your repugnant sense of humor. I knew her break-up news could only come to you as a sweet breeze for a reentry into prurience, no? Listen dude! She is my friend. She’s feeling the pain from a rough love ride. I am her confidante. It’s been months we’ve been talking to each other. She is broken. Let me help her find herself in one piece. Let me help her help herself to stand on her feet. May I? Could you please hibernate for few more weeks?” – I had said.

“Calm down dude. I am not asking for your favor either. All these days I let you sail along with her. I was not even looking at you, not even in the picture myself. Now I am gonna be around just to make sure we all are in the same page.” – You were as stubborn as ever.

“Whatever! But take my words: if any of your actions puts me or her in an uncomfortable situation, I am gonna suck the last drop of blood out of you. Am I understood?” – I was not a lesser obstinate either.

*****

Weeks went by and I thought Protshahana’s wound, for what it’s worth, has healed over for the most part. It’s easier to get over the person himself than the memories associated with him. When we think of a person, in retrospect, we tend to associate them with good, bad, fond or distasteful memories associated with them, shared with them. It could be an event or just a moment. The moments make memories and memories define the image of the person in our mind. Even when the memory is fading away with time; when we go through the similar ride again, it gives us the feel of a déjà vu and the person’s image starts to play in the mind again. It bothers. It flails your ego. It becomes doubly difficult to get over the past with a person. It haunts you again and again. Memories of a lost person hurt more than the person himself.

“It’s difficult to forget him completely. There are so many memories I have of him” – Protshahana had told me when asked if she had gotten over it.

“I can understand your plight but don’t get too emotional with the bygone days that you end up missing out on stuffs that’s there at your present. You cannot ruin your present for the past. If you still love him, and if he’s there, go get him. If not, leave it behind, live with the present.” – I was never frugal with suggestions although preachy at many times.

“I am trying my best and I need some time”

“That’s more like you. Umm…I have a small surprise for you by the way and I hope it’s a pleasant one” – I wanted to cheer up her mood.

“What is it?”

“I am coming to your town for a meeting with my colleagues. I have a whole weekend with nothing to do so I guess we can meet with each other in person” – I was all excited already.

“That’s pretty good news. Let me know once you’re here. Give me a call or something and I will see what we can do about it” – She had said.

“But we haven’t even seen each other. Don’t get petrified if you find me physically grotesque. They say I am pretty horrible when it comes to looks ha ha ha!”

“No that’s okay. Doesn’t matter to me a bit”

“What you mean by okay? I sense that you are even worse ha ha!”

“Does it even matter to you? I have many friends-- some are good looking some are okay. That doesn’t change the way we treat each other as friends.” – She was spot on.

“Hey do you have a facebook?”

“Of course I do. Why? You want to add me and make sure how I look like before I meet with you?”

“Well yeah..but …well leave it. Our friendship is more than two months old and we’ve still not seen each other. Let’s make it like this for few more days. Sometimes, curiosity servers better when kept alive for longer, no?” – I wrote with a smile.

*****

I was pretty excited about the prospect of a personal rendezvous with Protshahana. After all, what more could I have asked for? Two months ago I didn’t even know that she existed but then time’s tide had other ideas. It separates people and introduces new faces to their lives-- some for a better cause while some may even prove fatal to the fate of others. Not all actions of life have causal relationships. I wish they had. At least we could know why they had to happen in the first place. But I like surprises, don’t you? I find them sweet coz they add a lot of meaning and relish to our otherwise insipid life. Some incidents are better off when left inexplicable. If you try to find the meaning, you’re risking their significance. I had taken Protshahana as a surprise to my life. I didn’t know if it was a pleasant or a shocking one though.

I was on the same boat with Protshahana in many respects. We were anonymous personally but we had a strong virtual affinity for each other. In spite of some cold moments, where we might have, in the worst case, called names, we had a good amount of respect for each other. We both were highly unpredictable. I was too romantic--way too romantic to be true at times, while she had decided to turn her cold shoulder to anything which bakes romanticism to her life. If I found a song romantic and worth sharing with her in my own croaked voice, she would quickly override it with her own choice of tragic ones in the line of the great tragedy king--Devdas.

“ Uff…Maar Daala !” – I would think.

****

“Hey I am coming with you but I swear I won’t let you down by doing anything stupid” – You were as excited as I about the meeting with Protshahana.

I didn’t know how to react to Protshahana at the outset of the meeting. “Shall I hug her? Shake my hand with hers?” – I was asking myself. We had decided to meet in a restaurant. I was never a big fan of oriental food except for Japanese and some Vietnamese but she seemed to be a die hard fan of Thai food and a true connoisseur of Pad Thai. “We’ll go to Thai” – She had told me over the phone without asking me my preferences.

I quickly shaved my beard leaving a goatee in the chin just to give some fierce manliness to my otherwise innocent looks, took a quick shower and dressed myself casually in jeans, shirt and a furred denim jacket. I put some gel and raised my hair into spikes but later realized that I was looking like a Baboin in the mirror. I combed it normally without hesitating for a second. I knew you were having a good laugh at me at that moment.

It didn’t take me long to reach the restaurant. “I must have gotten a speed ticket if it wasn’t for a noble cause” – I had thought. My heart had already started to beat faster. I was waiting for her outside in the parking lot looking for a Nepali-like face although I was not sure what really to expect for.

“Hey!” – I heard a familiar voice somewhere from my behind while I was still looking towards the front in the parking lot. I turned around and saw a girl dressed in black pant and gray over-coat coming towards me. Her pointed heels were making sounds of her arrival which grew louder and louder and louder as she approached towards me. As she came closer, I could see her face more clearly and figure out its attributes: a reasonably fair, cute round face with big black eyes that had traces of kohl around them, thin lips which was beginning to bend upwards for a smile albeit not devoid of some tension and an average body but more towards the slim range. I was wowed. But before I could think further I noticed her big, long nose that was slightly curved downwards like that of a parrot. It protruded proudly from the cute face as if to give the signature recognition to where the face actually originated from: the land of Everest!

“Damn! She’s hot!” – I had heard you whisper.

“Yeah, and all I can see is her nose.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Part 6: The Almost Invincible Badman

There was some tension in the air. To tell you the truth, I was feeling a bit nervous-- perhaps awkward. I had never met anyone previously under similar circumstances with Protshahana. The only respite came to me when I noticed that she was looking even more nervous than I possibly was. There was some confusion written over her face-- in her expressions-- some of which were indicating that she was a bit petrified-- definitely! “Perhaps she didn’t like my face” – I had thought. “Or perhaps she got bowled over?”—You had grinned. I didn’t know. Knowing you, she might have thought: “Okay, I met with this guy, now what is he gonna do to me? I hope I am safe.”

True, we already had built a good rapport with each other, but for the most part—in virtual world. In reality, things come a little differently. You see the face of the person and its geometry. Her eyes would look into yours-- sometimes they would try to avoid your presence and sometimes they would look at you stealthily, give you a glance or two. Things you speak over the phone or write through the keyboard would not come out naturally from your mouth when eyes intervene and try to do the talking simultaneously. It’s quite difficult to co-ordinate the eyes and mouth actions you know. Eyes are more honest than mouth. It’s easier to speak up what you don’t mean but it’s harder to conceal your true feelings that your eyes portray with honesty.

“Go hug her, my friend. Your love has finally arrived!” – You had giggled.

“No I think I will save myself and her from the awkwardness” – I had made up my mind. I came as close to her as possible without giving any hints of my intent to embrace her. I guess I must have smiled at her—not sure if it had traces of nerves though.

“Hi…. where did you park your car?” – She said and gave me a big smile.

That was the first time I saw her smiling. Imagine a dry fall which comes to a life all of a sudden when they divert water into it from a dam reservoir. The sight was pretty much the same. It was breathtaking. It would make a ruthless serial murderer think twice before an assault. I was just her mere victim. You were already dead.

“Do you still care about her nose?” – You had felt the same.

We went inside the restaurant but who would want to eat? I just wished if the time could stop, if everything would go stand-still and I could just keep looking at her, keep looking at my Protshahana--My Prots. My dream. My love. My life. It was a great feeling to see all four at one place, in one package, right there, right in front.

“Tu mere saamne, main tere saamne, tujhe dekhu ke pyar karun” – You are too “filmi” at times. But I liked the line that you recalled then. It was perfectly fitting.

“Gosh! I don’t want to eat anything, don’t’ want to get distracted!” – I was thinking and you had nodded for an approval.

“What do you wanna eat?” – She had blurted as if she knew I was against her idea.

“Ummm…I don’t know, let’s wait for the menu, we’ll see” – I had said with a soft voice.

“I am too hungry. I worked like crazy today, you know. Didn’t get a chance to eat proper lunch too. I am starving” – She made a cry-baby face. I could visibly notice some childish instinct in it. Felt a little bad for her albeit I knew she was exaggerating her starvation a bit.

And guess what happened next!

She ordered three different entrees, yes THREE: one for me, TWO for herself. I had never seen a girl ordering two entrees in one meal. Never in my life. And I have dined with some of the huge ladies mind you, and she was just 5’ 6”--with a four-inch heel that is!

“Where’s your head-office at? Somalia?” – I had asked her inquisitively.

“No! Oak Ridge, stupid! Didn’t I tell you?”

Who is stupid? Did she get where I was coming from?

“Oh okay, Oak Ridge of Somalia.” – I was still at it.

“Ufff”

“I am kinda full though, I may not be able to eat it all and I hate taking boxes home” – I had said.

“Don’t worry, share with me if you can’t finish it” – She had quickly blurted.

“Yeah sure”

“ Ha ha ha! Absolutely Flabu-lous!” – You were laughing at us.

*****

When I was done eating my share, she started with her second dish. “My grandmom would be really happy, if she was with us” – I thought. “Never talk while eating babu, it’s a bad habit!” –She used to say.

“So, how’s life?” – I asked her after an agonizing twenty minutes of silence. The only stuffs that were doing a little bit of talking until then were her fork and knife but before I could finish the question, I was already repenting for asking. Know why? She had put two shrimps--yes two—and at once-- in her mouth. She nodded indicating she was coming to my question and it would take a while before she could dispatch the poor animals to her oesophagus en route to her what seemed like an ever ravenous stomach!

“Pretty normal.” -- She said once she completed the last rites on the animals. “Did you like the food? Kasto mitho hai? Didn’t I say you will love it?”

I could only smile at her monologues. “Foodie chirping canary!” – I thought.

*****

“Oh man, this is not going anywhere!” – You were anxious. “If you can’t engage her, let me do the honor”

“And what are you going to do?”

“Nothing, just wait and watch”

“I doubt. It’s basically a bad idea to ask for a date in a restaurant, if your girl is foodie. I made a mistake. I should have told her ‘no’”

“Buddy, you can still make it. Have some confidence on me. Now if I may?”

*****

She seemed happy after the meal. Her face looked more radiant, her smile as charming as the first one and her eyes more engaging than before.

“Okay, at least she won’t be cranky now, even if she doesn’t like you proposing to her. Worst case, she will burp and that will be it” – You had whispered.

“Ani, what’s new? When are you going back?” – She was wiping her mouth one last time with her own handkerchief.

“Why are you asking me? I don’t know. You want to see me gone already? It depends on you though.” – You had come into the picture and with a big, proud smile.

“What do you mean?” – Her big eyes had become even bigger.

You kept looking at her, smiled and said: “Well, it depends. Whenever you will yield”

“What yield? Are you expecting something from me?” – She was looking confused.

“Hmmm…good question. Not expecting anything per se but I would love you to be at the same side of the table right next to me, when we go to a restaurant next time.” You had displayed your big frontal-white-sparkling set.

“Very funny. Umm…I think it’s gonna rain tonight. They have also predicted snowfall. Don’t forget to stay warm. This place can become really nasty.” – She had swayed from your subject matter.

“Oh. Thanks for the reminder. My wife couldn’t be more concerned if I were married. Would you care the same way about your would-be-husband?” -- You were still smiling and testing her.

“Oh yeah? As if…”

“As if what? You never know. Who could say for sure that I didn’t meet with my would-be-wife today? Could you? -- You had started giggling.

“Yeah yeah. Yadi yadi yada. And I will totally fall for you. Yeah right. And how would I know you’re not joking? And you’re laughing as well. Look at you!” – She had pretended a stern look.

“Oh! If it takes a serious-me to believe what I am saying is coming right from the bottom from my heart then here I go: I love you, pa pa pa pa pa Prots!” – You had that naughty smile on your face. I, for one, would not believe you if I were Protshahana.

“Yeah I know, it’s from the movie Darr but you ain’t Shahrukh!”—She had burst into a laugh.

“And you think you are the only Juhi here? Ha ha ha ha”

“Whatever”

“No what do you think? Seriously!” – You were hell bent in your cause.

*****

“Oye! Nincompoop! Now don’t you think that’s a bit too much? ‘Seriously’? My a$$! It’s just your first meeting and you want her to get head over heels for you? Someone has a bit too much expectation here but that’s not possible, my friend. Not even in movies.” –I knew what I was talking about.

“And at your rate, it will take you forever to make her yours, Mr. test player! Declare your inning before you run out of time. You can defend it. You are a good total!”

******

My cell started ringing. “Wrong timing” – I had thought. I switched it off.

“Can I have a look at you cell?” – She had stretched her hand and I had to give the gadget to her.

“Nice! But why your picture in the screen background?” – She had started laughing.

“Well, it’s MY cell phone. And I am single, if you’ve forgotten. Would put my girl’s if I were not” – I had said with a smile.

“You are single doesn’t mean you have to put your own sorry face in it, now does it? Haha! You can put some god’s picture or a scenic picture for that matter. Chhi, it’s too gay, putting your own pic. Katti afno matra anuhar herne hola”—She was honest but at the same time pulling my leg as well.

“Yeah I like my face. Makes me feel: ‘Wow, that’s me’, everytime I see it. Ha ha ha. And how can you say that? I could be an atheist and not too fanatical about nature as well. But since you didn’t like it, what if I put your picture in it, will that make you happier? It will certainly as far as I am concerned” – You had tested her again with that naughty smile of yours.

“Yeah keep dreaming. Oh God, it’s too late. I have to go back home. My cousin sister is coming over to my place this evening. Let’s leave now” – She had ducked it drinking last few sips of water from her glass.

****

We came back to the parking lot. I didn’t know what to say to her in the end before parting. You were confused as well or so I had thought. I wanted to tell her everything but then I couldn’t stop thinking: “It will be insane. We just met for the first time.”

“Nothing is insane about it. You guys have been talking for a while and you know each other pretty well. Most importantly, I liked her. I think I like her more than you do now. You are just hopelessly analytical and I care a damn about it. Get stuck on her nose for all I care. I want her and I will make her mine. At any cost” –You had whispered your adamant stance to me.

“Well, it was nice talking to you. Thanks for coming” – She said finally.

“Thanks for having me” – I was grinning.

“Yeah and don’t forget to consider on few things that I said” – You had interrupted.

“What things?” – She was buttoning her coat. It was getting colder. Chill wind had begun to blow making it even worse.

“About you and me”

“Oh, please! Don’t be too serious. You know what I am going through, don’t you? I don’t want anything from anybody at this stage. You should know it better. It’s not about you. But I am not just ready for anything of that sort.”

“I guess I know it. Take your time. No hurry. No worries.”

“Please don’t expect anything from me. I don’t want to see you get hurt” – There was some fierceness that I saw in her eyes and so you did. It flailed at your ego, didn’t it?

“Now don’t say that. Whether I am expecting anything from you or not, is up to me. My expectations are within me. I won’t impose them on you. You can avoid me, ignore me but you cannot stop from being loved.” – You were not less fierce either.

“Whatever. I am getting late. I will talk to you later. Bye” – And then she left.

You left too. You had all the “filmi” songs in your collection, no? I know you were listening to that song forever and ever while driving back.

“Maanga lunga tujhe aashman se, chhin lunga tujhe ish jahan se, tu haan kar, ya naa kar…” -- You were lip syncing with the original number. I was seeing your menacingly wild eyes in the mirror. I didn't know what would happen next.

* * * * * * * * * *

Part 7: The Final Encounter

“A philosopher once wrote, you need three things to have a good life. One-- a meaningful relationship, two--a decent job of work and three-- to make a difference. And it was always that third one that stressed me-- to make a difference. And I realize that I do. Every day, we all do. It’s how we interact, with our fellow man.”

--David Brent

I have known you for your haughtiness and insolence – it’s remarkable--of course in a negative way. You tend to overawe people with your imperious scowl although most of the times you just fake it. There is a subtle cuteness about it but not everybody comprehends it--not all the time. What’s more, a stern face doesn’t help albeit made in levity. Perhaps a smile or two would be more effective for your cause. Smiles transmit. They make people around you happier. They give them reasons to smile back at you. They work in your advantage. Told you so many times, when you become extraneously self-indulgent, you tend to miss what others feel and think about you. You think you are cute. You think you have that starry appeal in your personality. You think you are potentially a heartthrob. Well, let me tell you – come to the ground in terms of reality my friend, you have been flying too high for far too long. You have enough gray matter but your ignorance about what others think of you and what you actually are negates that fact as well. Sometimes I feel sorry for you.

I knew for a fact that your ego was marred when Protshahana did not welcome your initiatives. You had thought you were some rock-star whom chicks would go gaga over. May be for some girls, until they know you close enough, you still are; but not for all and definitely not for Protshahana. Let’s face it--you are no right match for her! Yes, read it- R-I-G-H-T. Rightness brings harmony. It triggers resonance. It gives unison. Two perfect persons don’t always make a perfect match. She either didn’t get your signal or didn’t like its frequency. It could well be that she didn’t like the transmitter where it originated from in the first place. Oh! That hurts, right? Aww…poor boy! Yes it does. I feel the same. But I am not going to cry a river like you tend to do. I am not going to shed a drop of tear for someone who is not yours in the first place. Who are you mad at? Let her loose. Let her go. If she has to be yours, she will come back to you. You didn’t even know that she existed before you came to know about her a couple of months ago. Just forget what happened in the last two months. Go on-- move on with your life!

“Why do I love her?” – You had asked me in the cutest tone I had ever heard in your voice.

“Awww… you poor little thing!” -- I wished I had known the answer when you had asked. “Perhaps you don’t! Yes you don’t love her. It’s just a feeling that’s gonna go away in a week or two. It’s all shallow as I see, my friend. Love needs time to grow. You met her just once. That’s not enough. How do you rate a person whom you have met just once or twice in your life? It took me years to know you and I still don’t think I completely understand you. And you’re asking about a couple of month long story?”

“I don’t understand your logic. Let’s not talk logic. Screw logic! What I know is that I am telling you what I am feeling right now. She is all I can think of. I am head over heels for her if that’s hard for you to admit!” – You had retaliated.

“Head over heels for a person you know for few weeks? How stupid can you get than that? Jeez, where does it even come from? You are infatuated. And trust me, it’s fleeting. Two weeks down the line, you would be laughing at yourself!” – I had tried to convince.

“And may I ask why are you shying away from the fact that you too love her? It was not just me. Don’t forget, you were also there with me in harboring the dream of a love life with her. It’s just that it took me a while to realize that I love her and I know what I am upto. Now no further chiming in!” – You had lifted the cell phone from the table and I had known right at the moment who you were going to call.

“Don’t be stupid. Leave her alone! Jeez! This is not even funny!”

“SSSHHHHH!!!...May I?”

****

“Hello”

“Hello”

“Yeah, who’s this?”

“It’s me, umm…sorry if I disturbed you, but there’s something important I need to tell you”

“Are you alright? ….It’s 1:26…”

“Yeah I am…well… I guess I am”

“Then why are you still awake? Gosh, I had to sleep early tonight. Couldn’t resist the coffee and now it killed all my sleep. Yeah… tell me, go on”

“Umm…okay, I need an honest answer for this. What do you think about me?” – It did not take you long to come to the point.

“Think about you? As in?”

“Well, I think ….I think I am falling for you. Is the feeling mutual?”

“Hahaha… Are you serious?”

“I couldn’t be more serious than this. If there is anything I have felt to be dead serious about, it is this--the moment of truth. Take it whichever way you want, but girl, I dream of a life with you. You and I make an awesome couple, do you know that?” – There you went. How could you even sound so confident about it? I would never understand.

“Khai…” – She had muttered.

You were still at it- reminded me of the last warrior fighting for his life.

“You look beautiful when there aren’t any dark circles under your eyes, when I skip the fact that nose is a part of a face, when I don’t see the spongy cushion protruding from right underneath your belly button—I love the looks of a pregnant woman for that matter. When we are together, they won’t even doubt my masculinity. What’s more, as long as you allow me to reach your stomach, I don’t even need pillows while sleeping. It will save me 35.93 bucks—the cost of the pillow I bought from the Target store last time. I look smashingly handsome when I wear a formula one helmet—that’s all I need to do to match up with your beauty. You are mostly serious but I come up with lots of dramas that are sometimes funny, mostly pathetic. We don’t even need to go to movies--our house itself will serve as a Regal Theater as it will play live movies throughout our lifetime and who better actors than we? I am spontaneous, you are thoughtful. When I am thoughtful, you won’t even understand more than half of the stuffs I will be saying—probably you will go to sleep. We both are childish – knowing us, we don’t even need kids until we both are into late thirties. We will have all the time in our life to save money for our kids’ college education. We won’t even miss having kids. I will sleep on your lap and you will sing a lullaby for me. I will do the same if you feel the urge of being childish. We both are impulsive. We don’t need a reason to kiss or slap each other. If you dump me, I will dump you too. End of the story. If you love me, I will love you more than you do. For sure”

You just went on and on.

“I have also thought of the name for our first daughter. The first half is the first half of my name and the second half is the second half of yours. It’s a perfect name. We will have its copyright. I will sue the parents who dare use this name for their kids. I hope our daughter will inherit eyes from yours, nose from mine, lower lip from yours coz it is thin, upper from mine coz it is thick. That way she will acquire smile from both of us and it’s gonna be one killer smile. As for brain, she will take only the left half from mine—the right half of mine, as you know by now, is full of filth. So the right half will go from yours coz the left half of yours doesn’t even work. I don’t expect her to be smarter than me, but I don’t want her to be stupider than you. I don’t want her to be nerdy like at times I tend to be. So there! Let’s be together--together, forever. Next life, if there is, I will still come to you. Perhaps I will come up with a better proposal then. Know why? I read somewhere that with evolution; the shape of the nose tends to get better. I will have more enthusiasm then. It’s 1:30 and I can’t think of a better way to propose to you as I am already drowsy. Do you like the offer-- Yes or No? If yes—don’t say a word and I will sing a song for you and if no—hang up right now!”

Exactly three seconds after your ramblings were over, the line had got disconnected.

“Hahaha. So you got the answer?” – I couldn’t stop laughing. Little did I know then that it was just the poor signal and nothing deliberate about the disconnection. The cell phone started ringing again.

“Hello” – You went.

“Hahahaha…Oh my god, I am still laughing hard! What was that long commentary for? Are you high on alcohol or something?”

“Yes. But I am high on you. Believe me, I mean each and every word of it”

“You gotta be kidding. I have already told you about it. Jeez, why are you being so childish?”

“Let me remain childish then. There is a kid in every man if you don’t know it already. There are some emotions which drive us and make us crazy. I am crazy for you. I have never felt like this before. You are my destiny. I am seeing it already. Imagine a Caribbean island—we will own it one day. You and I will dance by the sea shore. I like reggae. Bob is one of my favorites. Is this love; is this love that I am feeling?”

“Shut up! You don’t even know me completely.”

“Then tell me, help me understand you better.”

“Ufff…don’t be so impulsive. Why are you hurrying on things? I am not going anywhere, now am I?”

“I know. But why delay the inevitable? What if I start finding your nose obnoxiously unattractive all of a sudden? Hahaha”

“Then be it. You are really shallow. I know people like you, getting in love one day and getting out of it the very next day. Let me ask you something: Are you after me just because you needed someone? What if some xyz instead of me? I bet you would have felt no differently.”

“I don’t know. Your eyes are really engaging. I close my eyes and they start looking at me amorously. They tease me even when I am working on something serious.”

“What if she had better looking eyes?”

“I will still choose yours.”

“Why?”

“It’s your eyes.”

“What about me?”

“What about you? You are mine” – You had that wide grin on your face.

“Ufff…back to the same darn old place. I think you are hopelessly romantic. You need a day or two to relax and think further. Don’t be shallow. Take your time. You are a good guy. I am sure you can do it better. Try to think maturely. Go to bed for now”

“Whatever. It’s not gonna change the way I see you. The way you have occupied place in my heart. You’re all over it. Come back to me after 10 years and ask me the same question, the answer will be same.”

“Okay Good Night. I need to go to bed now. ”

“Good day”

*********

“So! Happy?” – I had asked you inquisitively right after she had hung up.

“Yeah, kinda. At least now she knows what I feel for her” – I had visibly noticed traces of relief in your expressions. They were not devoid of anxiety though.

“Do you really think you love her?” –I was reluctant but I had to ask you after all that.

“Yes I do. Even if you don’t, I do and I know you’re too shy or hesitant for some reason to admit it. Screw you. I do and that’s enough for me.”

“What if she does not reciprocate?” – I had asked and you had scowled on me.

“I ain’t loser like you. I like to be optimistic.” – You are sometimes hopelessly over-confident and over-ambitious. “What about you? You don’t love her, no? So you would be pretty happy even if she doesn’t reciprocate, right? Idioto!” – You had me thinking.

“I haven’t said I don’t love her”

“Then, do you?”

“I think I do but I am confused. I have some doubts. I am not sure of myself. Are you sure that you love her for real?”

“Hahaha…Mr. confused! you will always remain one confused creature. Let me tell you honestly what I feel about it. Yes--there is no shred of doubt in my mind that I do love her. The more I think about it, the more confident I get. You too may think it is shallow just like she thinks it is. But trust me, it’s not. I am being a little impatient I know but I was just checking on her. I don’t necessarily expect her to be mine. It’s her call and I want her to be happy in whatever way possible. I will still love her no matter what. Even if we don’t talk with each other at all from now on, I will still love her. Love is not about getting, it’s about giving. If she can be happier with someone else, I will have no hesitations on letting her go. You need more time to know her better, right Mr. Always Right? To clear your confusions, no? Well, I don’t need any further interactions coz I don’t have any confusions. May be it will weaken me further if I come closer to her but what has happened so far between us is enough for me to understand that I care for her and she is really very special to me.” – You had me in awe. I had always thought you talk and do things on impulse. Never had I ever imagined until then that you could think like the way you did.

“What if she comes up with a big fat NO? – I was reassuring myself.

“I will feel bad. But that doesn’t take away the fact that I loved her, I still love her. If there was no connection at all, you wouldn’t be talking to her for this many weeks. You cannot undo love just because you did not get the result in your favor. You still love the person and hope that she does well in life. And that Yes or No thing doesn’t even matter in the end. ”

“Are you sure you are not shallow?” – I was still awestruck.

“I was, I am and will always be shallow to begin with. But things change overtime. I know I am the cause for your confusion but I also lead you through things to help you come out of doubts. You will forever remain cynical and indecisive if I don’t chime in. What were you thinking? You don’t trust me I know. I don’t need your trust either. All thoughts are random and shallow in the beginning but they get shape and direction with time. All mature and sensible thoughts are random and shallow by nature in their infantry. No one’s born mature. Nothing is mature by birth. They get mature over time. You gotta know when they do get mature. Don’t worry if they don’t give fruits in your favor but give recognitions to them when they do get mature. Just because they are not in your favor doesn’t always mean that your thoughts are shallow.” – You were looking at me from the mirror trying to explain things. It was hard for me to admit then but for the first time, I was seeing a mentor in you.

I had missed the other side of you until that eventful night or should I say, morning. I had always thought I knew myself completely. But I was wrong. I had thought I was fairly good, but never knew you were better. That dawn, you had shed light on the other side of you which was selfless, thoughtful and philosophical. I am indebted to you, to this date, for helping me meet with myself- my real self. Thanks.

*******

Hi there,

Hope this email does not come to you as a thunderbolt. I thought and thought and thought and finally decided about us. I am really very sorry to disappoint you but I don’t think we can be together. My life is going through a really unstable phase right now and I don’t want to keep you under that instability and indecisiveness. It’s really hard to ride along with others when you, yourself are not sure about your own destiny. Call it a cruel destiny’s game but I cannot keep you under any sorts of confusions anymore. You are a nice guy and a confident one too. I am sure there are lots of good matches awaiting your arrival. We cannot sail together. I am in the midst of a crazy ride through storm and I have to get out of it by myself. Wish me luck!

Hope you will understand me.

Take care and all the best for all your future endeavors.

- Protshahana

*******

I don’t know what a happy or a sad ending is. Life is not about endings; it’s a series of moments—good and bad, sweet and sour, highs and lows. It’s not about ending, is it? Come back to me. See me after five years. See how I am doing then. I may have some other stories to tell. This is not the end. Life just moves on. It keeps on moving.

“What’s happening? So the sun rose from the west finally eh? No long hair, no goatee. Am I talking to the same guy?” – Paul was amazed at my new looks I had made out of myself for a change.

“Not every month is romantic as February, now is it? Hahaha…I have a big presentation coming up at the end of this week and I really want to leave a good impression on them. Perhaps a clean shaved face will do if not the work? Hahaha”

“Sure will. All the best.”

“Thanks. How was your trip? Did you get to see the ball falling?”

“Oh, not really. People were mad crazy. They had started gathering around the place from 7 in the evening. I wouldn’t do that just to see the darn ball falling. Went to a bar instead. Oh and met with this hot lady. Danced with her all night long. I had thought she was from NYC until she told me she was originally from Nepal. Man, she was an awesome dancer and a very charming personality too. I have her number by the way, ahem! Do you want to touch base with her?” – Paul was all smiles.

“Hehe. No thanks. They are not really as hot as they look like from outside. Everyone has their own stories I guess. I have had enough of bumpy emotional rides. Life doesn’t come so easy, does it?” – You were there right at the corner of the room with arms bent over your chest looking at me with that wry smile of yours.

*****

“How do you want to be remembered?” – Interviewer

“Simply, as, the man who put a smile on the face of all who he met.” – David Brent