July 12th, 2007 Irving, TX It had finally happened. I got my Travel documents from INS a month back. I could finally go home to my family. The last 3 years had seemed forever not knowing whether I'd be able to go back home. The four years of college seemed to pass in a heartbeat, but the years thereafter had been a constant yearning to go back to visit my family - to be one with my childhood town. I kept replaying walking home from school. The muddy gully outside AVM during monsoon. I could still remember the smell of fresh rain. Sometimes, as I lay by myself in my apartment, I would close my eyes and imaging walking all the way from AVM to my house in Lagankhel. I would try to imaging all the details as I imagined myself walking. I remembered that one store behind the light pole where 3 sisters used to work. The youngest one used to be my favorite. I would always go in to drink a coke if she was working. One coke and shikar churot sahuni. I would sit there and have my coke and smoke while she'd be reading some book. I would pretend to look outside but every so often steal a glance at her. I wondered what she'd be doing now. I wondered if she'd still be there when I go back. I kept walking down my memory lane remembering the street vendors and shops along the way. I had fallen asleep before I had reached home many times in my imaginary walks. I had given the news to my parents as soon as I had received the Travel documents. My mother's voice had shaken when she said she couldn't wait to see me. I had kept in touch with my parents pretty frequently at least once a month. Everytime I talked to them on the phone there was nothing new. After I had graduated from school, I started sending money to support them since my father's income was barely enough to survive. I wanted them to live without feeling a need for money now that I was able to save some money every month. Every once in a while they had guest over when I called on the phone and I was happy to note that my parents seem to be doing well socially. For a son like me toiling the soils of the US, everything seemed to be normal back home. Being the only son, I felt my duty to be supporting my parents and not being able to visit them was gnawing at the back of my mind. Finally, my indian boss decided to take my fate in his hand as he agreed to sponsor me for the coveted green card. I had worked at Sukinder's place part time halfway into college to support my tuition. Finally after graduation I was promoted to Manager position at the 'Dhaba cum Convenient Store'. Sukinder was not thrilled at my leaving for a month but as we had known each other for 5 years, we had developed some kind of connection, and he could not say no to my request. July 12th, 5 PM Two of my friends Navin and Anil dropped me off at the Dallas Forth Worth airport. It was a very different and unknown feeling that crept over me as I said bye to them. My lungs felt like a balloon and I could hear every breath I took as I walked down the boardwalk to the plane. After few hours of flight, I dozed off and when I woke up I felt like a child who was just about to get a new toy. I would actually be giving presents to my friends and family when I get there. One of my two suitcases was full of gifts to my extended family. Every so often, my mother would say that so and so's son came back from Australia/UK/USA and his/her mom gave me a nail polish and a shirt for father. I bet my parents have a lot of social debts to pay when I get there. That's why I made sure I had plenty of things to give away. In fact I believe there is more satisfaction in giving than receiving. The layovers seemed to last forever and I was apprehensive at every stop that I would miss my connecting flight. I was afraid I would fall asleep and miss my flight. So I never ventured too far from the departing terminal. July 14th, 2007. Reached Kathmandu at 1:30 PM. It took forever to get out of customs. Following Murphy's Law, my luggage was the last to arrive. Every chance I got, I looked outside to see if I could get a glance of my parents and anyone else who had come to pick me up. After nearly 2 hours of landing I was able to step outside and breathe in Nepali air. I took a deep breath and to my amusement and displeasure kids/porters started grabbing at my luggage saying they wanted to take it to the car. Just at that moment I saw my parents who came forward. One of my uncles took hold of my suitcases and told the porters to go away. My father came forward and hugged me. That was the only time I had seen tears in his eyes. Mother cried a lot more and wouldn't let go of me. We hailed a mini bus taxi and it went past the streets. I had my head stuck to the window the whole time trying to get as much a view as possible of the land that I had missed so much. Having been used to the vastness of Dallas area, the roads seemed so narrow and I felt like the taxi was going to hit someone along the way. Finally reached home sweet home. There were some other people in the house and it seemed like a small gathering was in order to celebrate my arrival. There was a moustached man and few others who seemed like they were from the villages. My father greeted the moustached man and said "Sir this is my son RB." I was taken aback. Who is this guy that my father is referring to as sir. He came forward and gave me his hand. "I'm Comrade Aakash" I was like "huh" "what". I looked at my father with questioning eyes. Comrade Aakash stepped forward, "RB, me and few of my comrades are sharing this house with your parents. I must be shocking but this is how it is." I was aghast. Shock was not the correct word. I was angry for a second but then scared once the concept sinked in. "So how long are you going to stay here." I asked him. "We don't have any plans to leave. What do you have in your bag?". My dreamy 2 days worth of ravel to my home country was shatterred within 3 hours of my arrival. I could not believe this would happen to my family. Comrade Aakash opened my suitcases and passed some of the shirts and tshirts to his other comrades. He took the watch that I had bought for my father. He opened my laptop case. "Call Comrade Manish" he ordered. Comrade Manish looked like he just came to kathmandu with his polyester pant and oiled hair. "This is a new model Dell Laptop sir. There are emails and many personal files here." I pulled the laptop from his hand and said, "This contains private information." My father looked at me in fear and said just let them. I was not ready to hand over my laptop. Then suddenly Comrade Aakash whipped out a pistol and looked at me menacingly. "You don't want to go against us. We will kill your parents in front of you and we will kill you." Things started going round and round in my head. Think think what should I do? I reallized there was no point resisting them. I thought I will try to understand them and get in a good terms with them and try to make it work instead of creating problems. I thought of how quickly my freedom had been wiped out from my existence right in front of my eyes. My eyes watered to see my family in prison in their own house. Comrade Aakash pointed the gun at my father and "Don't ever try to resist us otherwise you will not like the consequences." There was nothing I could do besides give him what he wanted. It was a very heart wrenching episode. I was so sad and unhappy. How could it happen to my loved ones. Why my parents out of so many other families. Then I thought that it's possible that it is happening in many other families but noone knows about it. I felt anguish that little by little they have seeped into our lives and now they have even taken over the little thing we had called our family. The sadness was unbearable. That is probably why I woke up drenched in sweat and misery. It felt so real. It was yet another one of those dreams that I would write about someday.