hey Racheeta, Suicide is out of question, girl. That is not even an option. Now, for your 'boyfriend' problem, look, you are alone in a godforsaken place. Things come to your mind, naturally. You are stuck there, and your boyfriend is stuck in Nepal. You must be 20ish, at least, and this also means that with no prospect of living with him in the near future, you feel lonesome, and frustrated. People live by hope, but you guys don't have even that. You don't have friends, and I am surprised that you could manage 3 years in this situation! Now, on the other hand, I feel for you. I had a girlfriend in Nepal, I live in a university town where there are quite a few nepalese, and I also have car. I have recently separated from my girlfriend in Nepal. I thought this long distance was way too to keep our relationship aflame. Plus nasty things and suspicion started coming in my mind, and I decided that it is better not to have relation than the one with so much suspicion. I felt void for a while. What spurs me now is the hope. I am probably way smarter than you (sorry to brag), and so more hopeful about life. I think you are not in love with that guy. You just think that because everybody knows about your relationship, so you should be his. I think you are afraid to leave him, and find someone else in your life. I also think that you should go home in this summer, whatever it costs. Talk to your parents that you are feeling so lonesome, that you might be crazy. 1-2 lakh rupiyaako kuro ho, go home girl, and you will come back rejuvinated. I have done that during my undergrad so many times.I also think that guy is taking advantage of your position (your weakness and devotion) also. Plus, he probably is eyeing at another girl there, sensing now that marrying some medical doctor there (with his greencard, who knows that could be possible?) is a better choice. All life starts today. You have authority to make your life better starting from today. Look at future, not past. Leave the jerk if you think he is playing with your emotion. Goodluck.