Scene 1, Act 1: CLEOPATRA (to Antony) If it be love indeed, tell me how much. ANTONY Oh,.. CLEOPATRA (cuts in) If the scarce-bearded Caesar have not sent His powerful mandate to you: 'Do this, or this' Take in that kingdom and engranchise that. Peform't, or else we damn thee' ANTONY But, how... CLEOPATRA (cuts in) I would I had thy inches. Thou shouldst know There were a heart in Egypt. ANTONY (in raised voice) My inches? And Egypt? CLEOPATRA The strong necessity of time commands our services a while, but my full heart Remains in use with you. Our Italy Shines o'er with civil sowrds. Sextus... ANTONY (cuts in, annoyed) Hey, woman. Can you cut this friggin crap.. I told you not to watch that BIG friggin BROTHER programme on tele you wouldn't friggin listen, would you?? But now, Sex?? what in the friggin' world are you talking about?? Jesus friggin Christ.. Am i not enough for you or what?? Now go and get me a Lager from the fridge I said, I am trying my level best..know what I mean Every night..I err Enter Caesar clad in Santa gear CAESAR (casts a sharp eye on Cleopatra - you know, one of those wicked looks!) Ho, ho, friggin ho, Tony, Merry Christmas, matey How you doin' ol buddy? ANTONY (stunned) Oh, Sur,, CAESAR Stop mumblin' and put on your Man-United t-shirt, hurry. We're gonna go to the pub to watch the match tonight... Man-U vs Arsenal.. Get your friggin' a'''se out of that friggin sofa for god's friggin' sake.. ANTONY No worries, two minutes, Sur. CAESAR Two minutes? I give you two friggin seconds to do that.. for god's friggin sake Exit Antony and Caesar. Cleopatra distraught, starts to cry. Act 1, Scene 2 Enter Antony drunk ANTONY (at the door) Oh my love, my queen.. Silent. ANTONY (in raised voice) My love, my inamorata CLEOPATRA (angry voice, from behind the door) Thou shalt rut in the gutter... I have had just enough of your f***g garbage with all your big talks I said, celibacy is not for me, it's for some hermit crab in the jungle of Borneo or somewhere Not for me, hell f****g no. Iif the Viagra doesn't work, then what else will, I don't know. You tell me. (starts to cry again) ANTONY (still at the door) Dhokaa kholana Cleopatra Darling, Dhokaa kholana... CLEOPATRA (irate still) Yetro ni kholdina,, lu jaa.. police bolai diun?? ANTONY Au badtaa haina hai.. divorce garchhu ra po. CLEOPATRA Gardai gar, kehi jasto lagdaina.. testo divorce ta kati gareko gareko.. (stomps off to her bed room, the sounds of the heavy steps recedes into the distance) ANTONY (now sitting, half-asleep) Achamma chha ba.. Curtain falls.. ************ :-)))) hey no offence, Loote, Cleopatra, and Marc.. Why do I think, Loote and M-Antony are the same person... hummmmmm Here's to humour.. oh okay, 'humor'' and to the star-crossed lovers: Loote cum M-Antony and Cleopatra.. Carpe diem