DO NOT KILL ME FOR THESE [ I FOUND IT SOMEWHERE.... ] What are a woman's four favorite animals? 1. A mink in the closet. 2. A jaguar in the garage. 3. A tiger in the bedroom. 4. And an ass to pay for it all. Reasons Sheep are Better Than Women •Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth •You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear •Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather •Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease •Nuttin' beats mutton •Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel •Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, snort your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early •Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down •Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them •No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe •Sheep are never concerened about their reputation •Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up •Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time •Sheep never insist on eating out •You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson or John Abhram or Arjun Rampal (O: •Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late •Sheep don't smell like tuna fish •Sheep don't get moody once a month •You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth •Asheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay •A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed •A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon •A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car •A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains •A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay •A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup •A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy •A sheep won't care of you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator •A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, one of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom •A sheep will never sue you for palimony •A sheep won't care if you screw her sister •A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is •A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing •A sheep won't use you razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can •Sheep never have a headache •A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill •A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom •A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons •Sheep grow their own fur coats •A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football •Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend •A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning •Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex •A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up •A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator •A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style •A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom •Sheep are "ram tough" •A sheep won't think your cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, open beer bottles with your teeth •Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on •Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning •Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck •A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake the kids, you'll wake the neighbors, she's too drunk to enjoy it, she's not drunk enough to enjoy it •A sheep will never leave you for a cucumber