broken heart shattered into pieces i am nepali normal guy aged 21 now in US working in gas station, i hate it. though i have to do it. i can say i am forced to do it. i have been here in US less than 1 and half year but i hate it, but i want to stay here, i don't know, whats the chemical between hate and wanting ? want to stay in US, i don't think its desire i think its want. i have my parents back in Nepal, a small family. i had a dream once before landing to US frm that united airlines. i had a dream. i will study hard, earn money, send back some earning back home though my dad do not have financial hardship back in nepal, to make him even more richer !!!!!!!!!! had a dream ! i spoiled it. now i am not going to college. i work in gas station 7 $ hour. don't know when kale gonna shot me. pakistani gives me order to fill the cooler and ice bag, tells me to be in time. owner pays me hardly 1500$ monthly. 500$ rent of apartment. shit ! never thought abt it. had a dream! i am fuc*ked up, i am getting more mad day by day, thinking nothing more than shit. i used to think i am lucky, hell luck where am i now ? ringing the price of gatorade, marlboro lights, newport, cigarillos, rolling blunts, hell taking money frm cash registers, it sucks but i have to. how am i gonna survive here without extra money frm cash register of that pakistani. ohhhhhh now pakistani gets some smells abt my dids. he can't call cops, cause i am working illegally and he hired me illegally. so, paki says to me that he wants me to send to his another frens store and now i am here waiting for one single customer from 6 AM in the morning, and now its 9 15 AM, there is not a single soul i get entering the store. I m waiting, waiting for my dream! i said i had a dream ! i am not getting pessimistic here, though i am not that optimistic. i am not going to loose this battle. if i loose this battle i know i am living dead. i am like tiger who knows when, where and how to attack and what to attack ? i m making myself ready for that, i ain't gonna loose . i am going to win. my life the way i am walking now, i don't know and i haven't seen the end, my life where it goes, how it gonna ..... ohhhhh my thoughts now after go back to apartment watch TV make rice and chicken have it. smoke some pot than watch history channel sometime CNN go to bed. again morning go to work. same routine everyday. i am waiting here for my dream everyday. i am content for now what i have ? but i ain't content for my whole life. something exciting, something suspense, something thrilling, u know in like movies. i watch movies a lot. I have seen "indecent proposal" ohhhhhhhh its awesome. if u haven't seen it just take a look at it, only after smoking some green, then u will know the real taste of that movie. i din't cry after i watch that movie but u might cry. i am waiting here for my dream, a dream which i have always dreamed. i am a dreamer ! i have red rose in my hand, i am waiting to give it to someone, i am supposed to give it to someone but i don't know who she/he is. i waited for a long time, now i am worried that rose gonna dry up. i am worried. i had a dream.