Collection of Jokes: Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, nothing happens, it must be really stuck. Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry . >>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Is that your left or my left? >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and..... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it ! >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it... >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: I have problems printing in red ... Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket. >>>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helpdesk: And now hit F8. Customer: It's not working. Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly? Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening. >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work! >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a Capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? >>>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A customer couldn't get on the Internet: - Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes I'm sure. I watched my colleague do it. Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer. >>>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears ! >>>------------------------------------------------------------------------ Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech Support, may I help you? Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can You please tell me how long it will take before you can help me? Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem? Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me? >>>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helpdesk: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter " a ", but how do I get the circle around it?