gautam jee this one took a different direction. Here is the unfinished product that I am working on. a friend of mine recently suggested that you record your ghazal and see where you get the breaks and correct there to maintain the flow. OR let some one read your piece. आफ्नै मनको तरले उज्यालो छेक्यो कि कसो दिनभर ? नभए मध्यान्है दियो जलाउन किन जादैछौ मन्दिर ? किन पसिनाको कमी भयो र ? बगाउनु पर्यो रगत रङ्गकोलागि त बजारमा जति पनि पाईन्थ्यो अबीर ! एकादेशको स्वप्न महल, यथार्थको हाम्रो कुटिर आफ्नो बाटो बनाउन अरु आउनै पर्ने हाम्रो नजीर !