Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor _______________________ A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! __________________________________ A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asks him: "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen!" replies the little boy. His cousin laughed and asked how he knew this. "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up! 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer!" ___________________________________ Church Signs 1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside! 2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins. 3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here! 4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets. 5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too." 6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one! 7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush! 8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday. 9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world. 10) If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns _________________________________________________________ 15 Things to do at a super-market while your wife/girlfriend is taking her sweet time: 1. Get 24 boxes of condoms &randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,Code 3 in Housewares...and see what happens. 5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on layaway. 6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask: Why can't you people just leave me alone? 9.. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose. 10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from "Mission Impossible" 12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels. 13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!" 14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!" AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST... 15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "Hey! You're out of toilet paper in here!!"