contd: Disillusioned, but too tired to ask any question, I waited. Shivering and with my body limp I was trying to sleep. I don't know after how long, she came back. As she called my name, softly touching my forehead, I opened my eyes. She had some fruits and couple of medicines. She gently ran her fingers thru my hair and asked me to sit up. She cut some fresh fruits and I had what I could. She said, "Tomorrow we've to go to the hospital for check up. I have set an appointment with my dad." I was like, "Yeah right." But those stares made me quite. I knew there was no point arguing. I did not care. I felt like puking, and it seemed like lava of blood would erupt like a volcano detonating my skin. After having few pills she brought, I tried to get some rest. She went to my friend's room for a second and was back with his pillow (I didn't use pillow; I had a decent size gadda, a la 'mujra' style. Round, not exactly comfortable, but had gotten used to it.). "Tonight, use this. 'Abhesh' can use that one. It'd be easy on your head."Her voice was filled with love. "No please. It's all right. I don't need it. Besides, I am used to it." I had said. It just seemed unfair to me, and beside, I really didn't have any problem with the 'gadda' I had. Perhaps it looked different from her eyes. I wonder how. I again covered my face with quilt for few minutes. And then I slowly took it down, and opened my eyes. She was standing off the table right in front of my bed. The mirror on the desk had her reflection, and she was starring at me, with her beautiful big black eyes, which now seemed akin to a pot filled with water, about to splash out. "Please don't..." was all I could say, and then it rained like the first melted snow from the mountains, and she looked beautiful. And then she said, "I would sleeping at my bed in my room and you would here, like this. Alone. How many times did I ask you to get a pillow? And what is this, the quilt is as thin as a sheet. How many times did I ???? Her tears were running down silently like morning dew falling off the leaves; smooth and barely touching the surface of her cheeks. It fell from her eyes and dropped in to my heart like a nuclear bomb akin to one dropped in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, only it had differing effects. I stayed there looking at her. I would say "common now?. please." As much as I was spellbound by her beauty, I had never expected her to behave this way. She was different. Not really sentimental, was in to fashion, partying, enjoyed doing what she wanted. She had glamour & had participated in some semi professional glamour endeavors, did not even know who was in DDLJ, and thought ?Dil to pagal hein? was an old flick. I was not what you would call a movie buff, who would not know about these small details. Don't you? The point is: I had forsaken, in fact never ventured to scratch the surface underneath the ironclad mask she wore. She appeared robust; beyond the extremity of emotions of that magnitude and I certainly did not wanted to peek beyond that ironclad mask, for my own obvious reasons. "I am gonna get some bed sheets, pillow and a quilt tomorrow when I come." She concluded. She said as she hid her lovely eyes as she opened her purse and took out a Kleenex and wiped her face. She left that beside my bed. That was, I reckon, the first time I saw her let those eyes betray her. The very eyes which must have won innumerable battles with her emotions in bygone days. I did not know what to do. At that moment, it appeared to me that somewhere in between our heartiness, in between our arguments and unspoken non commitment, we had crossed the line. A thin line; a promise I made to myself, that I would not let myself be taken away, I would not mourn when it ends, a bar I had set in my heart, knowing the possibilities and percentage of us being together, had been shaken to its core. And I was helpless, in front of those lost deep dark eyes. Yes, I was helpless; to love.