German scientists dug 50 meters underground and discovered small pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fibre net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100 and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing... They concluded that the ancient Hebrews 45,000 years ago had cellular telephones. A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?" George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang."Hallo, Mr. Bush," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!""Well, Paddy," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?""Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "well, there's meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"Bush paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.""Begorra!", said Paddy. "I'll have to ring ya back!"Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!""And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Bush asked."Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.""Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to ya."Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!""Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring ya back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners." God Bless the Irish!