Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have color TVs?" "Sure." "Give me a green one, please." ********************** Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" "Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up. ********************** Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes ********************** Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims:- "Ah, 71st and again barefoot!" ********************** A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask." The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?" The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold." The Sardar says, "I'll take it!" The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a thermos flask." The boss then says, "What does it do?" He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?" The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke." ********************** A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Punjab. But two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like ?.. "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" ******************** What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !! ********************* What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a photcopy of the white paper !!! ******************* Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh.. we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?" That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the surds became happy at this very simple solution but one old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ?????" ********************** Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied. "Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied. Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. ********************** Why did 18 Sardarjis go to an adult movie? Because below 18 was not allowed. ********************** How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence? Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear ********************** What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back. ********************** What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth. ********************** How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday. ********************** What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought. ********************** Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday. ********************** Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe. ********************** How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff. ********************** What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel. ********************** What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes? The back of his head. ********************** What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!). ********************** What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh. ('T' silent!). ********************** Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken. ********************** Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes? Toes Go In First. ********************** How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it. ********************** Why can't Sardar dial 911? They cannot find the eleven on the phone. ********************** How do you get Sardar on the roof? Tell him the drinks are on the house. ********************** "Oh, look at the dead bird." Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where? ********************** What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common? You always hear about them but you never see them. ********************** Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head. ********************** The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor. "I'm 2400 km from home." ********************** Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No," answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh. ********************** A Sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "Kyon Sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, is liye pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata " ********************** Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some whisky and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na mar jaun" ********************** Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror. Said his wife " What's the matter?" Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else." ********************** Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too." ********************** Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate "Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write 'Chinese' when both parents are Sikh?" " Aah, I read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese." ********************** Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound) "Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!" "Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji !" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!" ********************** Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a ClockTower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool. This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder." ********************** Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a ?*driver.*" ********************** Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." " Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?" "The scoundrel called back." ********************** Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions. Following is the transcript : O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions. If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites. S : Yes Sir. Officer started asking questions O : Above S : Below O : Front S : Back O : Left S : Right O : Male S : Female O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi) S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi) O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it) S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it) O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts) S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L..... Y......(Our Sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry. O : Get out S : Come in. O : Quiet please. S : Talk please. O : You are rejected. S : I am selected ................................. and This is how Santa Singh got his job. ********************** A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe hai ?" To this the the Sardar replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin". ********************** Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone. "Is this one one one one one?", says the voice. "No, this is eleven eleven." "Are you sure it isn't one one one one?" "No, this is eleven eleven." "Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night." "That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway." ********************** Once Santa Singh broke his leg when he threw His cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it. ********************** Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. He lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?" "That's a good match. I'll use it again." ************************************************************** A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on Sardar: What do they get from that? Bystander : The winner will get a prize Sardar : Then why are the others running?! ************************************************************** Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his... ********************** One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told Rs. 2000 Sardar asked for Rs.1000. Vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it for Rs. 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost. "Our Sardar asked whether he will give two." ********************** A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million." The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years. " Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!" ********************** Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off. "How did this happen?" the doctor asked. "Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied. The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?" "No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, Then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger. ********************** After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were returning to Punjab in Tamil Nadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice-cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian man who couldn't understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth. Outraged, Santa Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE requested that he could not understand Hindi/ Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained, "That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving berth to my child." **********************