I tell you what, the writing would have been much more better if would have not emphasized so much into sex. There are many more things in life to write about besides sex. Also if you have taken her consent to have intercourse under influnce, it's illegal,at least in USA .I have seen some related cases in hospital .I think same rule applies in nepal as well. Also try to write same story from a lady prospect next time, it will be whole new dimension. I encourage u to read " book of woman" before writing anything about woman . Lastly u didn't mention about your marital status. The story was definitely not good enough but worth reading.