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 How to Date a Nepali (Advice for Non-Nepali)
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Posted on 01-26-12 12:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Disclaimer: I did not write this. I may have modified some elements for purpose of humor
---------- ----------- ------------ -------- -------

A Jewish friend of mine remarked once, only half joking, that he believed Nepalis are the true Chosen People. With no offense to Moses, I had to agree. I lived in Nepal for about three years and my husband (currently known as my husPad, thanks to his appropriating the iPad he "gave me," -- but that is another column) is from Kathmandu, which, in addition to providing me with lots of Nepali friends and in-laws, have given me a pretty good perspective on the desirability of the people from the world's largest democracy -- and how to woo them.

Before getting to "how," let's start with "why." There are obvious reasons one would want to date an Nepali, such as how successful and professionally desirable they are. Nepalis dominate as engineers, doctors, lawyers, venture capitalists and entrepreneurs. They make up a large proportion of our graduate students -- just walk around the campuses of Harvard, Columbia or Stanford or and you will see these incredibly attractive brown people all over the place. Which leads to point number two. Nepali people tend to be really good looking. According to Wikipedia*, "Nepal holds the highest number of Miss World runner ups, only to be tied with Venezuela." (*That feels a little like citing The National Enquirer but I am going to go with it.)

Most Nepalis are innately gracious, social creatures; they highly value friends and family and have a calendar filled with various holidays and occasions to celebrate, which they typically do with gusto. Those endless jubilant dance numbers in Bollywood movies pretty much channel the Nepali soul. Moreover, Nepali men love to dance. If for no other reason other than you want someone to dance with you (or without you for that matter), date an Nepali.

Ok, now that the stock for single Nepalis is up, you need to be on your game if you want to date one. If you are Nepali, you can skip the rest of this post and spend the next four minutes savoring your desirability. If you are not Nepali, keep reading to learn seven things that should ingratiate you with them. The first five have to do with Bollywood. Nepalis take Kollywood, Bollywood and their celebrities very seriously.

1. BKC. Two things you need to know about these initials. One, BKC is short hand for Bhuwan KC, one of Nepal's premiere Bollywood celebrities. Two, you must have an opinion about him. He is a polarizing figure. Nepalis either love him or hate him.

2. Favorite actor. If you are pinched for time, you can simply claim BKC is your favorite and move on. But, if you want to take some initiative, I highly recommend you familiarize yourself with some Bollywood and Kollywood actors and choose a favorite. Some safe, attractive possibilities: Salman Khan, Aamir Khan, Hrithik Roshan and Amitabh Bachchan. Kal Penn does not count.

3. Favorite actress. See above. You need to have a favorite. You could claim that it is Aishwarya Rai, who is familiar to most Americans, although you will then be suspect as Aishwarya, while extremely beautiful and successful, is a pain in the neck. She has a reputation for being a major diva. Better options: Rani Mukherjee or Kareena Kapoor.

4. Favorite Nepali movie. It should be obvious by now that you need to have a favorite Nepali movie. If you bust out something like, "Yea, I loved Kuch Kuch Hota Hai," you are very likely to get a second date. If not something straight out of the Kama Sutra. One strong recommendation: "3 Idiots". It's a newish film with crossover appeal. Major bonus points if you suggest seeing a Nepali movie together. Most major cities have theaters that screen Bollywood films otherwise you can easily stream one through Netflix, etc.

5. Food. Nepalis love their food. Probably more than they love dancing. Unless you are willing to take some serious initiative in the kitchen, plan to go out for an Nepali meal. Although this can be tricky. Many Nepalis would agree that it is often tough to find a good Nepali restaurant, even in major cities. If you want to be adventurous and score some points, I suggest you try cooking him/her a few Nepali dishes. You can get the basic spices in most grocery stores. I'm happy to share a Momo recipe that is unbelievably tasty. (Really, it is called "Mrs. B's Magic Momo.")

6. Language. Nepalis love when you speak their language. (Note: there are hundreds of languages spoken in Nepal. Aside from English, Nepali is the most prevalent but not all Nepalis speak Nepali so you might have to determine his/her native tongue.) Before we got together, Subash was greatly amused by my reciting various things in Nepali to him. I got a tourist book and told him among other things, that I was missing my green socks. Now there are several iPhone apps that will give you translations. I suggest you pick up a few and break them out at an appropriate time, probably somewhere well into the second date. You don't want your date to think that if things go south, you will resort to stalking.

Good luck and let me know how these suggestions work out. I hope Laxmi, Goddess of Prosperity, smiles on you as you endeavor to date one of her people.

Oh yea, I almost forgot to mention: one more big bonus when it comes to dating an Nepali: communication with cabbies. Think I'm kidding? New Yorkers: Just imagine if you could stop a taxi during the 4pm transition time and your date could say, in Nepali, "Hey brother, will you please take us to Spring and 6th?" You'd find Laxmi did indeed smile upon you.


The original article appeared here.
Don't say I didn't have a disclaimer at the top.

Last edited: 26-Jan-12 12:55 PM

 
Posted on 01-26-12 3:12 PM     [Snapshot: 203]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Man. You used to write much better satires. Changing Indian to Nepali really didn't appeal as much. For eg. most indians come out dancing from birth, can't say the same about Nepalis :)

 
Posted on 01-26-12 3:48 PM     [Snapshot: 311]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Snurp heh sorry to disappoint you. Just wanted to use copy/paste on this one :P
Easy come easy go.

 
Posted on 01-26-12 4:09 PM     [Snapshot: 350]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Quality not quantity man.

Common!

 
Posted on 01-26-12 6:10 PM     [Snapshot: 543]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Even though the word i read was nepali, my mind was automatically substituting it for indian.
 
Posted on 01-26-12 6:46 PM     [Snapshot: 590]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I didnt see any humor on this. Sorry
 
Posted on 01-27-12 8:43 AM     [Snapshot: 996]     Reply [Subscribe]
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sajha onion, u suck.
keep ur humor to urself!!!
 
Posted on 01-27-12 9:09 AM     [Snapshot: 1034]     Reply [Subscribe]
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parda faaas!!
SO, i like your post. I was reading this with same excitement as previous ones. Until it had the ring to something i previously read.
Yeah, something on Huffington post. :)

Looking forward to other ORIGINAL post. See you at beer-thirty.

 
Posted on 01-27-12 9:06 PM     [Snapshot: 1316]     Reply [Subscribe]
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It is clear that this article is about Indians and you have, for humor's sake - kudos to you, replaced the word Indian with Nepali.  That's cool.

The article asserts that Nepali people tend to be really good looking. According to Wikipedia*, "Nepal holds the highest number of Miss World runner ups, only to be tied with Venezuela."

Since we are actually talking about Indians, one thing confuses me quite a bit.  Where exactly are these good looking Indians.  I have seen these gorgeous looking Indians in Indian movies.  But I have seen nary a one here in the US who I would call HOT.  Seriously.  

I have been to places where there are concentrations of Indians, such as Queens, New York Queens or Edison, New Jersey or Devon Street, Chicago or Cupertino, California.

Yup, I saw lot of Indians there.  

Nope, none of them were any close to those from Bollywood in aesthetics department.

So what gives?

It must be some sort of conspiracy driven by Indian Government.


 
Posted on 01-27-12 11:02 PM     [Snapshot: 1394]     Reply [Subscribe]
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nepali american dai trust me when i am saying this okay, i have done enough research on this topic to jump into this conclusion. if you are an indian and you have a fair skin tone, you are going to make it to the bollywood. "200 percent" if i have quote russell peters. so why is it that we all see pretty ladies on screen on hindi medias everyday but not a single one around us?? thats right, they are all there in bollywood and thats all they have.
 
Posted on 01-28-12 12:21 AM     [Snapshot: 1439]     Reply [Subscribe]
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  Nepali american bro,

You're looking the right geographical area, but in the wrong social circles.

New York City - Queens? I dunno man, Jackson Heights has a lot of 'signal to noise' ratio. I mean for every ONE good looking chick, there are 100s of not so good looking ones surrounding her. 

Visit some Manhattan downtown watering holes after work and you might run into some smooth skinned Indian women. BTW they don't like being associated as Indian because they think they are 'better'. And TBH they really dont look too Indian, but Indian they are. 

New Jersey - Edison? Edison is the Bihar of the US. All I've seen in Edison is old software engineers and their H4 wives. Hoboken is where all the fly Indian chicks are, they often throw some sick parties in their hi-rise apartments overlooking the Hudson. Again, if you talk with them, their accent is smooth and without error, and they usually dont know anything about India, but Indian they are. 

Chicago actually has some posh Indian clubs that have some wicked bodied desis in miniskirts and make-up let you take a chance at them if you make enough money. If not, lata le kera herya jastai ho.

Other places in the world where hot Indians exist are in the province of Ontario, Canada, especially in Toronto. Punjabi women. Case in point, Sunny Leone (although she's not from toronto).

The UK is probably the biggest fishtank there is for desi women. They are big into hi-class social circles so if you aren't a part of that its hard to get any. Similar to their US counterparts, they dont consider themselves Indian.

And lastly some words of encouragement for all my dear brothers. You know how white women dig black guys? Might be because of their physical attribute in the lenght department, but thats not what draws them. Its the attitude, and in attitude, we Nepali men got jackpot with them Indian ladies. So even if you're not in social circle, all you need is dat swag that those baniya wearing bhaiyas dont have. good luck and good hunting. 

 
Posted on 01-28-12 12:37 AM     [Snapshot: 1465]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Maybe my research was not very meticulios!
 
Posted on 01-28-12 12:50 AM     [Snapshot: 1467]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Mr. Jones. Like the way you encourage our fellow brodas. U should be our prime minister.
 


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