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Posted on 10-10-11 2:22 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Improve at work
How to improve at work

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? Here’s a little math that might prove helpful.

What makes life 100%?

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then,
H A R D W O R K
8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%

K N O W L E D G E
11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,
A T T I T U D E
1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%

And,
B U L L S H I T
2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So, it stands to reason that hardwork and knowledge will get you close, attitude will get you there, but bullshit will put you over the top.

And look how far this will take you......

A S S K I S S I N G
1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%

Think about it...and have a nice day at work
 
Posted on 10-10-11 2:31 AM     [Snapshot: 4]     Reply [Subscribe]
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There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

 
Posted on 10-10-11 11:25 AM     [Snapshot: 135]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 I like the second one. 
 
Posted on 10-10-11 12:03 PM     [Snapshot: 183]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Me- dude today i saved a girl from being rapped.

Other guy -- Oh thats cool , how did u do it?????

Me- it was not much work , just selfcontrol
 
Posted on 10-10-11 1:02 PM     [Snapshot: 233]     Reply [Subscribe]
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WOMEN eh!
Boobjobs, nose jobs, teeth bleaching, tummy tucks, liposuction, Botox, pierced ears, pierced nipples, pierced bellies, pierced clits, eyebrows plucked, bikini wax, armpit shaved, legs waxed, lenghty diets, strenuous exercise, and THEN...............................

They won't take it up the arse.

' Coz it hurts '
 
Posted on 10-10-11 3:42 PM     [Snapshot: 308]     Reply [Subscribe]
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When Americans woke up they suddenly realized: 10 yrs ago they had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash & Bob Hope..
today they have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope.
PS RIP Steve Jobs
 
Posted on 10-10-11 6:49 PM     [Snapshot: 382]     Reply [Subscribe]
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A man has lost his urge for sex after years of marriage. He seeks advise from his mate in the pub. His friend explains that he needs to remind himself of the scent of a women’s fanny!
So that night while his wife is asleep, he rubs his fingers on his wife’s snatch, and then wipes his moist fingers under his nose. Starting to feel the urge again, he nudges his wife, ‘Wake up darling’, he says ‘I've got something for you’.
She wakes up, turns to him and says ‘Why did you wake me up to just tell me you have a nose bleed, you silly!’
 
Posted on 10-10-11 6:54 PM     [Snapshot: 387]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

She sleepily replied,

"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit."
 
Posted on 10-10-11 6:57 PM     [Snapshot: 391]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Rodeo sex!!!!


Tow cowboys were sitting at a bar when one of them asks His friend "have you ever herd of the new sex position called rodeo sex?" "no" the friend replies "what is it?"

"well you mount your wife from the back and reach around and cup her boobs in both hands."
Then say "wow those are almost as nice as your sisters"

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds!
 
Posted on 10-15-11 1:42 AM     [Snapshot: 591]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Posted on 10-15-11 9:19 AM     [Snapshot: 676]     Reply [Subscribe]
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euta budo afno teen budiharu sanga film herna hall ma jancha,ekchin pachi kanchi budi le chodcha ani buda le bhancha jethi lai"ma[Disallowed String for - bad words], taile padis radi?," haina bhane pachi mahili budi lai sodcha, "oi tai ho padne?", tellee ni hoina bhane pachi kanchi lai sodcha" k priya, timile padeko ho?" tes pachi kanchi le bancha"ho maile nai padeko ho", tes pachi buda le jawaf dincha "tara malai ganayena ta"
 


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