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 Please open my eyes...

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Posted on 04-17-11 10:10 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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 पृष्‍ठभूमी: 
म एक बाहुनको छोरो । तर जब देखि मैले बुझ्न थाँले म जात भात भन्नेकुराको एकदम बिरोधी बन्न थाले । मैले त्यस्तो केही अनुकरनणीय काम त गरिन तर मैले आफ्नी जातको घमन्ड र अरुजातकालाई नीच देखाउने काम कहिलै गरिन । त्यसैले म सधैं केही गरेर जतियता  बिरोधी काममा होस्टे म हैसे मिलाउन तत्पर हुन्थे । 
 
बर्तमान:
 
म (२४ बर्ष) बिगत केही बर्ष देखि एक मङ्गोल जाति की एक युबतीलाई (२१ बर्ष) माया गर्छु । उनी जस्ती सोझी र सरल केटी मैले आज सम्म देखेको छैन। कम बोल्ने, अनुशासित, बोलीमा मिठास । म भेटमा नै उन्को प्रेममा फसें (मेरो जातियता बिरोधी मनसिकताले पनि यसमा सहयोग गरेको थियो)  । त्यसपछी आजसम्म हामी एक अर्कालाई प्रेम गर्दै छौ। यहि बर्षमा नै म उनलाई विवाह गर्ने योजना गर्दै छु । मैले मेरो घरमा पनि बिहेको प्रस्ताब रखिसकेको छु । तर जो कोहिले पनि सोच्न सक्दछ मेरो घरको जवाफ - "हुन्न" ।
 
उन्को पृष्‍ठभूमी :
उन्को जन्म हुँदा उनले आफ्नो आमा गुमाईन । पाँच दाजुको एक्लो बहिनि। बुवाले केही महिना अगाडि मर्नु भन्दा पहिला एकपटक पनि "छोरी" भनेर नबोलाएको। आज सम्मको सम्पुर्ण पढाई खर्च ठुलो दाजु (होङ्कोङ लाहुरे )ले भरेको। भाउजुको माइत बसेर हुर्केको। सबै दाजुहरुको आ-आफ्नो परिवार सुरु गरेको। (कसैकसैलाई दया आयो होला, चिन्ता नलिनु उनी आफै काम गरेर आफ्नो खर्च जुटाउदै पढ्दै छिन् )
 
समस्या: 
 
बिहेको लागि हतार नगर्नु। एक चोटि मात्रै गर्ने हो सोच बिचार पुराएर गर्नु। आदि आदि सुझाब दिनेहरु प्रसस्त छन्। अन्तर्जातिय विवाह गर्ने मेरा साथीहरु मलाई त्यस्तो नगर्नु भन्छन । तर म उनीलाई कुनै हालत मा बिहे गर्ने पक्षमा छु । उन्को दाजुहरु बिगत् १ बर्ष देखि उनलाई UKको कार्डवाला १ उन्कै जातिको युबकसँग बिहे गर्न कर गर्दै छन्। उनले नमान्दा उनी सँग कोठामा संगै बस्दै आएको भाई(दाइको छोरा)लाई दाईले छुट्टै बस्न लगाउनु भएछ । मलाई लाग्दै छ मैले गर्दा उनिहरु बीचको नाता टुट्दै छ। यी कुराहरु मैले उनी बाट होईन मैले उनी निकटका साथीहरुबाट थाहा पाएको हुँ । when I asked her wy didnt u tell me this things, She answered not to hurt me n let me focus on my work n studies. 

It sounds like she is tolerating all(recent ones)  for my sake and giving me time to take action. And she is in pain, I cant tolerate this.
Now as a man I have 2 options:
i) Marry Her ASAP
ii) Let her go 

Analysis
Case (i)
  • I am here in US for almost 7 months and dont have a penny. (Please.... I am not asking financial help). Just started working last month. have a lot loan to pay. But most important thing is to maintain relation with my parents.  I have to put my parents expectations down. And I dont want them to blame her.
  • One of her brother is renown in our area for his many bad deeds. So family relation cant go at all.
  • Sometimes I feel we are  too young to marry.
  • If I marry her now I cant bring her here for around a year. So Condition for her would be the same. 
  • She is surviving on her own. I dont want her to be dependent on other ( including me) for everything.( I dont mean to say I wont spend for her expences but its matter of her self-respect  as she is doing now) I dont want her feel so small and take me as a rescurer rather than a lover.

case (ii)
  • Indeed Her heart would be broken. I cant forgive myself for that.
  • Who knows the hardships in life like her.. loosing mom in birth and never being called by dad... spent most of the time in hostel life,.... no one to visit.. and 'daju ko sasurali ma hurkanu ko pida'... And if I leave her in this time... GOD save her..
  • I will be broken.. I dont kno what my guilt will do on my life..
  • We both might(cant say will) start a new life with deep scar inside..


My Plan:

After few months, I am planning to go to Nepal and do a secret court marriage. Apply her visa and bring her here. (Ohhhhh I forgot to mention that I m in GC). I will have a underground life here for few years and come out with her to everybody. This, I believe, will kill their anger in joy of getting their child back. nomatter with whom..


Now dear sajhaites, I want your guidance and suggestion on this issue. Please put ur view on my both options. If somebody has gone through similar condition, please share your experience. Some ppl might say this 'thetna' haru yestai hun.. 2/4 year ma eniharuko maya ko bhoot niklincha .. bla bla... I dont care .... I will hope for best life changing answers..

One thing.. please dont say her bichara at any moment... she says she dont like to be called by that name.. 

kripaya sabai padhera matrau jawaf  dinu hola... Please dont put racist and jatibadi comment..
Dhanyabad.












 

 
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Posted on 04-18-11 12:06 AM     [Snapshot: 143]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Don't let her go brother.

 
Posted on 04-18-11 1:57 AM     [Snapshot: 197]     Reply [Subscribe]
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there is no next time in life for these things. So you better retain her.
 
Posted on 04-18-11 2:15 AM     [Snapshot: 205]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I hope u dont be the next me!

the most trusted person in the world turned upside freaking down within 24 hrs.....wedding ring to no more calls matter of 24 hrs ....and how the flip it happened i dont know .... i hate this humanity sh!t.

act fast bro, dont be me.

 
Posted on 04-18-11 6:42 AM     [Snapshot: 276]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Susta bro, piro buffalo wings khayera chiso pani piu ani sab thik huncha

On a different note, set your priorities and act accordingly daju, it vary between each person and to me, I cant forsake my parents for anything.
 
Posted on 04-18-11 8:53 AM     [Snapshot: 323]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here is my not even fraction of a penny worth sugestion.

Stop anyalyzing the consequences. stop right there. her heart will be broken( of course she will be broken), your parents will not be satisfied, her brother name, your guiltyness(depends on your personality)  and bla bla bla...Anyalzing this thing doesn't help at all. Future is unexpected, and you never know what might happen next. . And please forgive me i am not trying to be negative here, i am just trying to express my own opinion(you or anybody doesn't have to agree with this). i came up with the conclusion because the person whom you love more than yourself, trust more than the truth that sun rises from the east just vanished with out any reason. So for me Future is unpredictable and that's why you should stop analyzing consequences.

Your plan doesn't get over my head at all. A piece of paper doesn't actually can't help two person to stay together. Nothing will, except the closeness, bond you guys have together. It was my marriage that didn't work out in NEPAL held in the presence of both of our parents and it was a love marrage of 9 yrs,  if you beleive that legally getting married would make you guys to stay forever. You never know. and hey my marriage didn't work out doesn't mean that everybody's won't either. i am just trying to convey that nothing is for sure. All matter is the love you guys have for each othe for now.

Enough about the philohopy from a f**king fagg*t regarding the future, lets come to your analysis.point by point.

The most important thing .Stop being an analyzer. Stop analzying things.

Now your points

Case I

1.  if i could help you finanacially, honestly i really would but you know i am a kangal too. and yes you might down your parents expectations. But hey have you ever thought what your parents want to you be when your at school ? and what you became? think about it.I am not asking you to go agains your parents wishes. but i think every parents are another form of god who will be happy at the end seeing their child living a happy live.

2.
One word. Bullsh**t. doesn't matter what her brother sister or father does. It doesn't matter at all.

3. don't know what make you feel u r too young to married but i thik you are worried about your future live. i don't have good job, house, money career etc etc. Well, when our parents get married, most of them don't have those things either, except few? ever thought about it?

4. I don't know. if you live there in nepal the condition  won't be the same.  Right?. staying in nepal or here would bring another ocean of information so i stop right here. you figure out by yourself.

5. Who says that loving her and getting married and sharing your life with her would make you a rescuer. You do your job, let her do her job and stay together. share the moments, joys, happiness, sadness everything. You will be her part of life, she will be yours. that's it. Beleive me she wont' feel like that your are rescuer for her.  think about like this way. even if you let her go away whoever comes next he would be take her his home right? so would he be a resucer now? hell no? brother you are in too much love. stop thinking like that way. She would never think that you are the rescuer for her.

case II

FORGET ABOUT IT. YOU WILL END UP WITH ENDLESS SUFFERRING.

and

Why you want to go underground after accepting her as your wife. DON"T RUN AWAY FROM PROBLEMS, GET THE BALS YOU HAVE AND FACE IT.  Tell your her parents that you love her and she is your wife and ask for thier blessings. 


DO NOT LET HER GO AT ANY COST.  YOU WILL REGRET IT.

Remember there are some unfortunte people like me in this world who pays for the unknown mistakes that i / we NEVER MADE. Letting her go means you are the one who make it first.


At the end the the people whom you make the connnection and hold you dear is matters. Everything else is just a noise.

GOOD LUCK.


 
Posted on 04-18-11 10:33 AM     [Snapshot: 436]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Not sure eloping with her is the best case scenario. If her dais are involved in "bad deals" as you said, your family might come in trouble, think about that.
I think best case scenario is be a man and talk to her brothers, maybe they will understand. You have a GC and that could mean something to them (as they are looking for a guy with Hongkong card).

lol @Drkanchho. "if you truly love her, don't let her go. THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY." And then you go on to put one full page of opinion. Nothing wroong, just found funny.

 
Posted on 04-18-11 10:49 AM     [Snapshot: 432]     Reply [Subscribe]
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विचरा उनी कस्तो कमजोर प्रेममा फसिछन। मेरो निष्कपट विचारलाई अन्यथा नलिनु।
Last edited: 18-Apr-11 10:49 AM

 
Posted on 04-18-11 10:52 AM     [Snapshot: 441]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Dude, 

i believe in love, Timi lai kt maan pareko cha ekdum jasto cha, That doesn't happen very often. May be 10 years form now when you look back, try to see what you will feel about yourself in Case 1 and case 2.  Family for and against ma bhanne kura ahile lai important cha but may be after 5-6 years it is not a important thing. they will love or atleast learn to live with you 2 being together. 
If a person can bring happiness to you from inside that is what you wnat in life. and bear in mind we have to live life looking forward, that is how evolution works, you will love your kids more than your parents, and so on. so look forward not backward, look what will make you happy and your future happy. You like it or not but in couple years(may be sooner) into marriage you will love your wife more than your parents or any one.  so remember who is important. 

Just my 2 cents. 

 
Posted on 04-18-11 12:19 PM     [Snapshot: 504]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Homlal - kyaa sateeeek tippani.

yo baahun jaatbhaat mandina bhanchha, tara dherai analysis garera baschha .... yesto kuro maa analysis jati garyo, nirnaya tetti para para bhagchha, bujhyou baahun. aba baahun ko chhoro baahun nai banne bhae analysis garera basa.

haina, sachchaa prem gareko ho bhane aankhaa chimlera bihe gara, F1-sef1 k k chha bato milaayera amrikaa leraau, aafusangai raakha hariyo patta bhayeko manchhe testo darpok hune ho? (huna ta jaataile darpok banaako holaa). haina bhane 100-thari case-analysis gara - if-then-else logic lagau - puran bhatyaau - nitishastra paltaau - anta gohi ko aasu chuhaau --- "malai maaf gara priyasi" bhanera kavita savita lekhera saajhaa maa taasa --- kuro jati laamo gareni anta maa uhi ho. YES or NO. sakchhau YES bhana, haina bhane NO bhanna dasthari bahaanaa nabanaau -





 
Posted on 04-18-11 6:21 PM     [Snapshot: 639]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 "Guilt can rob you of every ounce of joy in your life."- somebodys todays fb status.

Thank you all for your comments, encouraging words and sharing your views and experiences. I m going Nepal ASAP as my wallet approves.... 
I appereciate every word of you all.

 
Posted on 04-18-11 8:43 PM     [Snapshot: 707]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Do not let her go bro !!! Everything will be just fine after a while.
 
Posted on 04-19-11 3:44 PM     [Snapshot: 937]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@sukla and his quote "huna ta jaataile darpok banaako holaa" ..

^ get a [Disallowed String for - bad word]ing life.

sustasuman, gara yaar je garnu cha gara, if you really love her jasari pani aafno banau (provided she loves you as well).
 
Posted on 04-19-11 4:32 PM     [Snapshot: 972]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@khalisisi

tuppi taatyo kyaa ho ? baaagmati maa dubulki maar. Jaa.

 
Posted on 04-19-11 4:52 PM     [Snapshot: 963]     Reply [Subscribe]
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The only problem I can see here is getting ur gf to US. Find a way for that dude..like as a F1 student or something. Then u can marry her right away over here...You going to Nepal and doing a secret marriage doesn't make much sense to me other than u can bring her here once u get ur citizenship...And howz the secret marriage supposed to help u any way if u can't disclose it to nobody?? That sounds to me a like an old Hindi film.
 
Posted on 04-19-11 4:59 PM     [Snapshot: 986]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@sukla

ma bahun ho, tara jaat ko aadhar ma na kahile kasailai aafu bhanda sano socheko chu, na sochnenai chu, ta sanga dherai guff ta garna maan hoina, tara tero jasto generalized comment le bahun ko tuppi ta tatcha tatcha, tara tajasto soch nabhayeka sabai jaat jaati ka byektiharu jasle manawi sabhyatako ali ali pani aansha aafno aama bua bata pako cha, tyesta byektiharu suddha dikdar hunchuparcha, samjh ganhayeko bhaan huncha.

Hola, bahun le kunai bela aru haruko faida uthaye hola, tara na ta mero bau le tyo faida kasaibata uthaye na unko bau le. Limbu ko gau ma hurkiye hamra bau haru, magar/Sherpa/Newar/yadav haru sanga ma hurkiyen, tero kurale ali dukkha lagyo, ta khushi ho yehi samjhera, tara hami kaha dekhi kaha aaipugdapani kasto sochai sochhau, kasto bhasha bolchau aajhaipani kati asahansheel chaun.. shayad Nepali hunu ko bidambana nai hola... jasto lagyo ra mattai reply gareko.

Khalisisi
Thulo aawaz
 
manakamanamaiko jai.
Posted on 04-19-11 5:05 PM     [Snapshot: 1003]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If u have a green card there is no problem at all just get married and bring her. If u don't want to rush into marriage u can also ask her to apply for fiancé visa
 
Posted on 04-19-11 5:08 PM     [Snapshot: 1019]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@manakamanamaiko jai

I am pretty sure fiance visa is only issued for citizens, and bringing here here with a green card only would take a long time, so the best bet would be to try and get her here with a F1 as suggested by sukla.

It would not be easy but it still is an option, a better one than let her stay there after getting married to wait for the green card.
 
Posted on 04-19-11 6:30 PM     [Snapshot: 1058]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@khalisisi : magar/Sherpa/Newar/yadav haru sanga ma hurkiyen,

ta ke bho? tiniharulaai bhote, jyaapu, madise bhandai hurkis holaa, tuppi thankaaudai.....  

 
Posted on 04-19-11 6:38 PM     [Snapshot: 1064]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Listen to you heart sustasuman, listen what it says? I am sure your heart cannot be wrong. Good luck for you bro. 
 
Posted on 04-19-11 7:17 PM     [Snapshot: 1078]     Reply [Subscribe]
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 Thanks for more inputs guys....
But please dont argue ... esp sukla and khalisisi bros..
sukla bro bahaduri kasaile janmidai bokera aayeko hunna ra tyo padarsani ma ni rahera dekhaune kuro pani hoina... 
khalisisi bro kag le kan lagyo vandaima kag ko pachadi nadaudinus...
Hope you guys understand my point.

But today I got some Ideas..  I was really worried how to get her here. And I cant apply for fiance visa(thats only for citizens). But I never thought Student visa can be a good option.. 
But option of marrying is still open. Most probably I will go Nepal anytime between Aug to Oct. If I marry her in Oct can anybody suggest how long will it take her to be here in US (in terms of number of months) ? If it will take more than 6/7 month this might not help me as well because I want it ASAP. The more I wait wait = more pressure on her.

Once again thanks to each and every input...

 



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