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 To marry a foreign girl or nepali?

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Posted on 01-23-14 12:53 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Been with a foreign girl for about 3 years. Dont quarrel much. We have our understanding. She pretty. She def dont seem like she wants to quit on me. She just as good as a nepali girl but still i cant make up my mind to marry her. I cant leave her either. Feels like i might miss out on something if i dont marry my race. Need advice from someone with experience. Will be generous if you could share what you have seen from your close ones who were in my shoes. Btw i live in states and intend to live here.
 
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Posted on 01-23-14 6:11 PM     [Snapshot: 977]     Reply [Subscribe]
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you can never compare your situation and relationship with others.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 6:42 PM     [Snapshot: 1017]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Procras2nator

What is this "something" you're afraid you will miss out on? 3 years is a long time. You should decide soon before you waste too much of her time.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 7:05 PM     [Snapshot: 1024]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If the cultural differences scare you that much, you should marry your friend (from the same socio-economic background) who have been together since primary school

or

your sister (ohh come on, दिल पे मत लो यार).

And yet personality comes into play irrelevant of cultural background.

So if you both like e/o, then go beyond the color/language/dress/food, brother! People are nowadays becoming more and more world citizens.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 7:20 PM     [Snapshot: 1065]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Procras2nator saathi
 Anybody can assume and formulate all the negativity of marrying a foreign girl. But if she is a white american, very few people can relate the positive of the marriage.
To me, her parents are ultra cool. They expect nothing in return even though they are poor. Not having a loud mouth, always judging and always expecting something from you as in-laws is a experience of a lifetime, it is such a relief. I visit them once during Thanksgiving or Christmas, that's it. Such relationship is very common among white in-laws. I can only imagine dealing with Nepali in-laws. But if she is non-white, this might not work.

 
Posted on 01-23-14 9:35 PM     [Snapshot: 1233]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If you are husband your wife has to defend all the time saying he is from Nepal, not Arab Muslim/dark Indian (if you are Bahun) nor Chinese/Asian (if you are Gurung/Rai/Newar). So is you have to defend you wife saying she is from good family (not white trash if she is white nor ghetto if she is black). If you have kid, possibly he/she more tend to be an american than Nepali (either way American spouse dominates family). The day you are disabled/unemployed your spouse starts to look other alternatives than helping/staying with you. No matter how much Nepali thinks they are Americanized, they still are brown and are different in this society. However, I see happy "inter racial international couple" but still they missing their own cultural family values (Nepali would happy stay being intact family (dad, mum, couples, grandchildren) and American would stay separately (no matter their parents have enough property to accommodate).
 
Posted on 01-23-14 9:42 PM     [Snapshot: 1246]     Reply [Subscribe]
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"Foreign" women often bang her coworkers and friends even on small issues with their hubby :). Reweird could share more if he has gone through this ;). May be cool for few years but things could take turn after that.
 
Posted on 01-23-14 10:16 PM     [Snapshot: 1287]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Kahirey
Yes, foreign women bang everybody and Nepali woman are Sati Sabitri, Sita and Sati (who jump into the fire after her husband death), and the best in the world.
You got that right 

 
Posted on 01-23-14 10:35 PM     [Snapshot: 1295]     Reply [Subscribe]
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बजार तिर को एउटा केटाले केटि त चोखि नै बिहे गर्नुपर्छ है भनेर गाउतिर बाट एउटी सिधिसधि केटि बिहे गरेर ल्यायेछ | अनि त्येसको २/४ दिन पछि हामी honeymoon जनुपर्छ है Pokhara भनेर तयार बनाएछ | लु आफ्नो त virgin बुडी ..चट्ट मजै आउने भो भनेर दङ्ग परेछ | नभन्दै भैरेले गर्नु गरेछ | तेसरी पोखरा आएको दुइ दिन भैसक्दा पनि कतै गाको छैन | पोखरा भन्ने ठाउमा त कति गुफा छन्, ताल छन्, शिव गुफा छन् भन्ने सुनेकी थियिन ति भाउजू ले अनि दोश्रो सांझा सोधिछन buda संग अनि हनुमान तिर जानु पर्छ भनेको होइन त पोखरा गएर?
भैरे मोरो 'बुडी हुनु त येस्ती पो naive हुनु भनेर' मुसुक्क हास्दै खुसुक्क संग भनेछ हनुमान को अर्थ|

अनि भाउजूको भन्ने पालो थियो येसपटक "ये अनि येति जाबो हनुमानको लागि पनि पोखरा सम्म आइरहनु पर्थ्यो त? मा त के के न होला भनेको | एस्तो हनुमान त हामी बाख्रा चरौन जाँदा कति खेल्थ्यौ कति"

अस्पताल लागिएको दोश्रो दिन सम्म भैरेको होश खुल्न बाँकि थियो |
 
Posted on 01-23-14 11:58 PM     [Snapshot: 1374]     Reply [Subscribe]
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She is a non white american. (Islander) . I am not worried about my girl screwing others at times of quarrel. (For the porn watchers -Every american girl is nt a whore) I saw a question saying what do u mean by the something that i feel like i am going to miss out on?
Well, i ment to say the kind of life my parents lived, my uncles lived and so did almost all my relatives.
Living in the states already makes me miss my country and a lot of other stuff, having a nepali budi could possibly bring some nepali charms. Festivity and culture, when i come to your house and i see you in such kinda crlebration. It might really make me jealous and sad. the conversation that u all have on daytoday life with ur budi, oh common u no what im trying to say . Before u give me suggestion can u imagine to live your life with a non nepali? Give it a thought plz

P.s plz dont argue with each others opinion . Every one of your opinion if higly precious to me.


Lets say if i end my relationship with my current girl.
What are the chances i will meet a sati sabitri? Ive only had bad experiences with nepali girls . Ive been Hearing lot of divorce stories in nepal lately. My age group nepali girls are already married or committed into serious realationship. Half a decade younger nepali kti sanga relationship kasto huncha hola. I cant relate my parents age difference. Zamana aint the same now.

Thank you in advance !!thanks for the creator of this website too!!
Jai nepal.


 
Posted on 01-24-14 12:12 AM     [Snapshot: 1429]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Well,

I have a feeling reading you, you might be better off sticking with a nepali wife. That's just my thought, I might be completely wrong. I recommend you think seriously if you are made for such relationship. If you want to live like your parents life style and don't want to depart even a small bit of festival, celebration and culture, then you won't make it. Some things are not meant for you.

Good luck






 
Posted on 01-24-14 6:22 AM     [Snapshot: 1526]     Reply [Subscribe]
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May be I can relate little bit on this. My brother is married to american white with one kid for 14 yrs now. I am married to nepali after 5 years of live in.

And my conclusion is very simple and short. Non-of these suggestions and story really matters. All these stuffs are completely identical to you and spouse personality. No one will ever be able to make any judgement then your self.

Regarding nepali gals being honest, I seriously doubt that, may be gal from good american family is more honest after marriage.

But I will definitely warn you against any foreign marriage if you are in traveling job. By the way my Bhauju makes best dal, bhat & achar even though she doesn't eat it much :)
 
Posted on 01-24-14 2:43 PM     [Snapshot: 1695]     Reply [Subscribe]
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People get more and more conservative as they age. Your dislikes become more forceful and prominent just like hers will become. It is difficult to maintain cross caste marriage and you want to marry across culture? Out of four relatives who married Caucasian, now only one couple remain standing. They were all very educated, madly in love blah, blah, blah but now they have all gone their own way leaving us the memory of bad wedding ceremonies. I feel for the children…Ghar Ka Na Ghat Ka!!!

-Z
 
Posted on 01-24-14 3:16 PM     [Snapshot: 1723]     Reply [Subscribe]
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After reading your 'missing out' concern, I would stick with a Nepali girl especially since you like to live like your dad and uncles. Every next generation people become more modern/open or far reaching (for better or for worse).

I am certainly not saying there is anything wrong with trying to follow your dad's footstep. That's just your choice. Philosophically understanding the big picture is one thing, but living the day to day life is different and can make you miserable. Even if you are rushing to meet the god, but there is a pebble in your shoes you'll have to stop and remedy the situation. You'll have to pass on God this time.

If festivities, food, her teej brata are that important for you; man don't do it. This life will feel tooo long.

And I commend you for pondering on these early enough. Like rewire said not everything is for everyone.

Goodluck!
 
Posted on 01-25-14 9:55 PM     [Snapshot: 2002]     Reply [Subscribe]
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rewire bro: your response explains why you are here in sajha so much! i love you though!
 
procas2nator bro, i would also like to express my understanding about this matter here. however, i am choosing our very own rewire bro's style. he has a knack for doing this shit. 
 
rewire bro may be right but things have changed in the past 16 years! here's the updated checklist, if you can call it that.
if you are a 21 years old fugly college dropout, hopeless, nepali haru ko cockblocker, 90 ghanta hanne ghante looser who dont see jackshit at the end of the tunnel. then  a big YES ! go ahead and marry that fat and ugly hood rat!
 
if you are not, Take chances, make mistakes, be silly, be imperfect, trust yourself. Follow your heart its the only thing that knows what you want and love(some brainy dude said that).
Last edited: 25-Jan-14 09:57 PM

 
Posted on 01-25-14 10:50 PM     [Snapshot: 2029]     Reply [Subscribe]
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बिफ खान हुन्छ हुँदैन भनी सोध्नेलाई के जबाफ दिने भनी उत्तर खोजे झै भो मलाई? प्रश्न सोधनु अघी २ -४ कुरा यहाँ प्रस्ट्याइ दिए जस्ले जे जे सल्लाह दिए :दिएको सल्लाह फरक दिने मन्स्थितिमा पुग्ने थिए होलान |

- बिहे किन गर्ने ? बिहे गर्नु को कारण के कारण हो ? उमेर पुगे पछी सबैले गर्छ्न तेसैले गर्न लागेको त हैन ?
- बिहे लाई कुन दृष्‍टिकोणले हेर्नु भएको छ , के भबिस्यको कल्पना गर्नु भएको छ ?
- नेपाली गरौकी ? किन नेपाली बिहे गरौ लागेको ?
- हैन हाल काम चलाई रहेको सँग बिहे गरौ भन्ने लागे किन बिहे गर्ने यो सँग, गर्ने , किन हिच्किकाहट् उब्जिएको ?
कमसेकम २-४ हरफ आफ्ना कुरा हरु राखी दिएको भए यो चाँही बेस हुन्थ्यो :

बिहे गर्नु छ् गरिदिनुस् एऊटी सँग |

अनिलजी- पुरानो अमेरिकि बासी भएको कारणले सल्लाह माग्न आउनेलाई यो यो गर्नुस् भनी फलाक्न छोडि के के गर्नु भयो : के लक्ष छ , लक्ष पुरा गर्न के के गर्नु भयो र हुँदै छ : सबै सर सर्ती न सुनी आफ्नो सल्लाह दिनु भनेको आफ्नो बिचार लाद्न खोज्नु हो | सल्लाह माग्नेका एक हरफ कुरा सुनेर सल्लाह दिनु मनका तिता मिठा पोखाइ मात्र हो | Just do it what ever you feel, you are not going to change your mind, ( You have not found a Nepali girl yet ) nor you are going to find one!!!
You have thrown an interesting subject in Sajha and it is selling as hot cake.
 
Posted on 01-27-14 1:01 PM     [Snapshot: 2436]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@Procras2nator

Out of curiosity... is your girlfriend exposed to Nepali culture? Do you have lot of Nepali friends you hang out with? Every weekend or every month? Does she blend in well? Does she like Nepali food? Do you cook or do you expect her to cook most of the times? Does she have any other Nepali friend? Is there anything else she loves about Nepali culture or Nepal besides you? Do your parents know about her or vice versa? What do they think? Do you have any close relatives around you who you can celebrate Nepali festivals with? If so, do you take your girlfriend with you? You mentioned that she is an islander. They have very rich culture themselves and tend to have big close family. Are you into their culture? If you don't mind sharing, what kind of bad experiences did you have with Nepali girls? Do you think you are only attracted to one kind of Nepali girls? Nepali girls are just like any girls. They are not similar to one another, and it depends on their experiences, exposures and how independent they are. Does your family require you to marry within your “caste?”

I am not married myself, but from what I observed, girls tend to be more adaptive to new environment than boys. Most of the guys who got married to non-Nepali girls are divorced within few years. Then they marry a Nepali girl the second time around. Most of the times they bring girls from Nepal. But Nepali girls married to other (mostly white) guys are still making their marriages work. Perhaps women are better at balancing Nepali and non-Nepali lifestyle better? I don’t know. Each case is different. If you love your girlfriend and you want to marry her, perhaps you can build your own Nepali community to celebrate all the festivities and include her in it? Do let us know how it goes. Good luck to you.

 
Posted on 01-27-14 2:54 PM     [Snapshot: 2515]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Human relationship is a complex phenomenon. Please always remember, no matter you marry a Nepali girl or a foreign girl, relationship changes over time. Communication plays a key role in the survival of any relationship. In order to understand some other person, you need to understand yourself first. Who are you from within? What are your driving motives? What are your aspirations? What comes in your mind on daily basis? These things can tell you who you are in general but these are just relative and can change over time. Women usually look for strong commitment and some sort of financial stability on the guy side. Communication plays very important role in any kind of relationship. How well can you express yourself in English? How well does your foreign girlfriend feel the sensation when you are trying to express in English. Most of the time our subconscious mind is at work, and we don't even know our own mind. In my case, when I get a chance to talk in Nepali, there is inner joy within me. I don't know where it comes from but I do experience the joy of speaking in Nepali. This might not be the case for everybody. However, communication is a key factor. Words are very powerful. They can heal a person, they can nurture a person, they can help grow a person. Strangers are made friends by the use of language. Language is a very powerful tool. Small things matter in relationship. It all depends on you and your girlfriend how well both of you can communicate and do small things to nurture the relationship. Relationship is like a small tree. Tree requires good environment, good water, good mineral, good fertile soil etc. to grow into a healthy big tree. Similarly, relationship requires nurturing behavior in order to survive. Once again, communication plays a key role in any kind of relationship along with many other factors.
 
Posted on 01-27-14 6:57 PM     [Snapshot: 2635]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Well! I have read your post which i really like this post, I have no experience as you have, You have shared nice word which are touch my heart. Thanks for that.
Last edited: 27-Jan-14 06:58 PM

 
Posted on 01-28-14 3:29 AM     [Snapshot: 2836]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Dude.. just marry her man... if u guys think you guys will be fine just go for it... i think you will be fine..aba kurai milena bhane ta 'my race' chadai cha ni?? ;)
 
Posted on 02-03-14 5:05 PM     [Snapshot: 3074]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here is a recent thread that may help you in your choice:
http://sajha.com/sajha/html/index.cfm?threadid=107757&noofposts=11
 



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