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 Cheater

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Posted on 10-12-10 10:34 AM     [Snapshot: 249]     Reply [Subscribe]
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What a read, thank you for posting it.
 
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Posted on 10-13-10 1:04 PM     [Snapshot: 857]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Black Panther,


As they say in Nepali: तपाईं को मुख मा दुध भात्! As in, maybe in many many years from now I might be somewhere in the ball park of being as good as J.K Rowling. But thanks for the compliment.


I'm sending the story to a few online magazines. Which ever one will publish, I'll post the link in this forum.


 
Posted on 10-13-10 9:25 PM     [Snapshot: 958]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Dear Homeyji,
Title itself is strong enough to entice readers to click on this thread, and beginning of the story is strong enough to hook readers to read more. Overall composition is so nice that one who loves to read this sort of fiction won't lose his/her concentration without reading whole body, that's what I did.
But after reading entire text, I got baffled.
Why does the author think that Roshan (main character of the story) is a cheater? I'm not convinced with title. Sorry to say this but your story does not have any strong reason to call him cheater. Do you mean the main character "Roshan" is cheating with his wife "Sangita" or his ex beloved "Prerna" or himself?
I'm sorry I can't suggest you any optional title as I think its an author's responsibility to label his writing with suitable one.
BTW, I like this story. Good one :)


 
Posted on 10-13-10 9:48 PM     [Snapshot: 968]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Dear Sanee,


I am glad that the story appealed to you.


You asked:
Do you mean the main character "Roshan" is cheating with his wife "Sangita" or his ex beloved "Prerna" or himself?

I feel so. Don't you? Any husband who, while with his wife, has his eyes shut...thinking of being with another woman is surely a cheater of some sort. No?


 
Posted on 10-14-10 9:47 PM     [Snapshot: 1156]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Homeyji, you many not agree with my point of view but I don't think Roshan is cheating his wife here. I think he has rights to imagine. In fact that "another" woman is his ex-beloved whom he loved solely. It was his fate that he couldn't make such love with her. Moreover, he is not cheating his wife physically.

 
Posted on 10-15-10 7:33 AM     [Snapshot: 1231]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Sanee,


I was thinking that most women would prefer to have a husband in body, mind and spirit. If they didn't have a husband in all those terms, they would feel cheated...I thought. Perhaps I am wrong.


But I agree with you, in the strict application of the word cheated, meaning sexually deviant, Roshan did not cheat.  


 
Posted on 10-15-10 9:11 AM     [Snapshot: 1257]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Homeyji,


In this story, you are a narrator and Roshan a protagonist; therefore it is you who is writing the story, not Roshan. Even if it were Roshan, I would have strongly encouraged sticking to conventional write-up except when exchanging a dialogue. A narrator, in both cases, ensures that the words are carefully chosen and sentences well structured.


I understand to some extent that you were trying to depict the crass amateurism of Roshan by the way he speaks, but this could be written in conjunction of a justification. For example:


 “ OOii Sudha, where is my cigarette, I haven’t ‘drank’ a single one today” Roshan yelled from the window in his usual pastoral dialect, calling the act of smoking a ‘drinking’, as most people in rural Nepal do.


The sentence inside quotes is a dialogue and the one outside a justification. Were you asking for something else? My apologies if I misconstrued.


 
Posted on 10-15-10 9:14 AM     [Snapshot: 1254]     Reply [Subscribe]
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In my opinion, emotional cheating is as much cheating as physcially cheating. Emotionally and physically may not be equal but are in the same sphere. One might say, "He/she yells at me but does not hit me." Emotional abuse is as much abuse as physical abuse. One might argue that abuse is different from cheating. Looks like I am arguing both sides of the coin, haha. Feel free to disagree.
 
Posted on 10-15-10 12:38 PM     [Snapshot: 1330]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I think uranus ans sanee trying to give constructive criticism but I don't agree with their points.
First off, a little bit of cheesyness is warranted by the story. Homeyji's defense on Roshan's story is a clever (rahter sleek and cunning?) Move but is fully justified. Reminds me of the latest controversy with Vince Vaugn saying electric cars r gay in a movie and ppl (A Cooper) calling him homophob. Vince part ed him to say that and that doesn't make the writer a homophobe.
Now as for cheating, this is a story, an art work. The writer has full right to term things as he sees it. While I think some level of cheating is involved, it still is not a full cheating; but the writer can call it what he wants and we can certainly debate it over.

Good story...not bad at all.
 
Posted on 10-15-10 12:48 PM     [Snapshot: 1337]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Stiffler,


You are speaking of a whole different dimension. I was not talking about storyline, I was merely pointing out minor descrepancies in sentence structures.


 
Posted on 10-15-10 1:35 PM     [Snapshot: 1357]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Uranus
Please read my comments again. I don't know how I am talking about "whole different dimension."
Let me help u out, my poiny is that the minor descrepancies are justified since a character in the story is expressing those sentence strucures. Is you have a character who is dyslexic and you write a dialogue for him you don't expect that dialogue to have perfect english do you? Doesn't mean the writer is dyslexic.
What's "whole diff dimension" about that?

 
Posted on 10-15-10 3:23 PM     [Snapshot: 1384]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Stiffler, agree with you here:


If you have a character who is dyslexic and you write a dialogue for him you don't expect that dialogue to have perfect english do you? Doesn't mean the writer is dyslexic.


The problem for me is: How do I present the protagonist's amateurish writing without the story as a whole looking like a poor work of writing?
Uranus is right, if it is just dialogue, then it is easy to "culturally translate" the experience here and there. But if it is a whole piece of writing, that is more tough.
This is my dillema. So maybe I don't have a choice but to polish the piece in italics up so that the story as a whole doesn't look poorly. Right?


I'd rather Roshan be viewed as a good writer (for a high school/college student) than my writing suffer because I tried to portray him accurately. I don't see any other way out.

Last edited: 15-Oct-10 03:29 PM

 
Posted on 10-15-10 3:26 PM     [Snapshot: 1391]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Meera,

As far as the cheating issue is concerned, I think it comes down to 'from whose point of view?' From Sangita's (Roshan's wife) point of view, if she is anything like most Nepali women (or women in general for that matter) that I know, she wouldn't be thrilled knowing her husband was fantasizing his past flame while in bed with her. I think she would feel cheated. No?

Last edited: 15-Oct-10 03:35 PM

 
Posted on 10-16-10 9:27 PM     [Snapshot: 1602]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Homeyji,
here I'm pointing out your previous post just above mine.
that's where exactly I'm glued. I'm analyzing the story from Roshan's point of view. I want to be lil' liberal here, at least he can imagine what he had wished for. But yes, Stiffler is cent percent correct. Writer has rights to present story whatever way he wants and that's the meditative one, that way writer does not care about readers. He even does not care whether readers will agree on his point or not. He just contemplate over his expression. Since I'm a lover, I would like to view from Roshan's point of view.

 
Posted on 10-17-10 12:51 PM     [Snapshot: 1732]     Reply [Subscribe]
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That is an interesting perspective Sanee. You feel that Roshan's priorities should be to his heart and not necessarily to the obligations that may come from his marital vows. That is certainly a view of a lover.
 
Posted on 10-17-10 7:25 PM     [Snapshot: 1788]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ Homeyji,

- alright, have U converged on how U wanna structure the story ... ?
- cause, me really waiting to read final version ... 



 
Posted on 10-17-10 8:45 PM     [Snapshot: 1808]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ Sanee: ok we got a nice plot from Homeyji, how about something from you?
 
Posted on 10-17-10 10:20 PM     [Snapshot: 1843]     Reply [Subscribe]
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@ Geology Tiger,

- i was also thinking along the same lines ...
- Sanee kinda took me aback with her posting on this thread ...
 (hey GT, U thinking what I am thinking ...) ??

@ Sanee,
- plz don't kick our butts ... 

@ Homeyji,

- plz forgive GT & me for b.s.ing on U'R thread...
- But this one had to be released ... 







Last edited: 17-Oct-10 10:41 PM

 
Posted on 10-17-10 11:16 PM     [Snapshot: 1868]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If I had been such an energetic author then I would have already published dozen of novels series wise -- like Coelho :D
Lazy person like me can only enjoy reading others work and venture posting comments.
To be an honest, I'd love to read similar prolonged critic comments beneath my post ;)

 
Posted on 10-23-10 4:00 PM     [Snapshot: 2084]     Reply [Subscribe]
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omgawd ! much ado over a simple sweet story :)))

Loved reading the Cheater ! : D

 
Posted on 10-26-10 3:28 PM     [Snapshot: 2261]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I think I agree to Homeyji's perspective. Just because you are not performing adultery does not mean you are not a cheater. In a relationship, cheating is when one party deceives the other or acts in such a way that constitutes infidelity.

You just cant make love to your wife - eyes shut - thinking about the girl you hooked up(loved) while in High School. That is messed up.



 



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