Ok, here is my dilemma. Ever since I came to USA, I always wanted to go back home at some point (for good, I mean). It’s been a more than a decade and I’m still here without knowing where I am headed towards. I am not even sure why I came here to begin with, not that I regret though. But I never pictured myself living in USA for ever. I completed my studies a long time ago and have a decent job for quite sometime. I experienced the American lifestyles from many angles and lived my life to the fullest. I don’t have a dream of being a millionaire, so not much to live for now - besides working 9-5 on weekdays and waiting desperately for weekends to come by. Weekends come and go and the same loop starts all over again. You know what I mean. I’ve never felt like I belong here; everything looks so fake and artificial, which is what the USA is all about (for me at least). And every now and then when I see postings from Nepalese brothers and sisters grieving on their parents’ loss, I get scared the most. I want to go and serve my parents before it is too late. At the same time, I feel like I am trapped inside some kinda hole, which not letting me to get outta here. Do any of you have a similar experience to share with or I’m the only moron out there?

"I feel like I am trapped inside some kinda hole." illusionation ji there is no hole as such. It is just an illusion. It is something that your mind created so that you stay in the USA with all the comfort and luxury. Many people have returned to Nepal and have done very well. They have made significant impact in the society. The only reason that you do not hear about them is that they don't come to Sajha and vent their frustration out, they are not reported in Kantipuronline, etc. But there are people who have actually gone back and done very good. So, if your heart is telling you to go back, you should delete the hole that your mind has created and just go. Trust me you will be happy in few years.

I am one of those victims just like you. I have been here since last 10 years and doing decent job. Just like you feel everyday, I feel the same way. I don't feel I am in familiar place. I still feel I am in totally strange place.
I don't know where I am going. My wife, children are here but still I fill I am very unsafe in this place.
Just a few days ago my father-in-law passed away. We were shocked. My wife kept crying but nothing could be done. We immediately purchased expensive ticket for my wife but still could not get ticket for 7th day process of mourning.
I keep thinking this strange life. What is this? It is kind of a dream and we are sleeping somewhere outside this world. When we die this dream breaks and we will wake up somewhere that is beyond our reach.

What a strange life in this strange world.

different people , different goals,different choices, different sentiments,.................
well, wat i'd say to u is Let noone deter u frm doing wat u believe is right. If u really feel like returning back then plez do. Life is short, live it to the lees and the way u like.

Let u'r Heart rule u'r Mind.
I wish you LUCK.

same here dude.......i think......many neplease are going through the same phase...manchhelai jati bhaye pani napugne rahechha .......arkako deshma aayera hami kina rumalliraheka chau nai thaha chhaina ..unknown reason?it is a different thing that here are lot of opportunities,but...................aafnopan ..afna manchhe ta utai chhan ni...........sayed americako khasiyet nai yehi hola ...yesto sochda sochda marne din aayipugchha .....cool bhayera sochyo bhane dikka lagchha...yehako saskar ...dekhda..yehaka manchheharulai uniharuka chhorachhrile gareko behaviour dekhada ...dikka lagchha ... hospital bata i am very sorry to say u...your father/mother ...is expired bhanera khaber dida ....its ok ...atleast i can rest now .....i m too much tired so just keep there the body until morning ...i will take rest until AM n come tomorrow or will send somebody bhanda ta oh my god kasto yehaka manchheko kasto dhungako jasto man..ani kasto saskar sikda rahechhan jasto lagchha...........je hos sadhai basnalai yo thau thik chhaina...

You're not alone, buddy, lot - if not all - of us feel the same. But things work out. We try to have our parents over, or we go to Nepal, at least every year. It's tough financially, but it is a necessary cost, me thinks.

It is a typical immigrant's story. And we are not alone in this land of immigrants. Pilgrims probably felt this longing for homeland that they left behind. African slaves certainly felt it. Irish definitely felt it. Italians certainly felt it. Indians feel it. Nepalis certainly feel it.

Nepal is Nepal...ghar ko bhat nai mitho...

tyehi ho, generation nai bhagnah thalyo desh baaatah neta rah maobadi leh satayerah.....

khoi k bhaaneh ??

Interesting!!!

It happens, and you are not alone to have such feeling.

I call it a quarter-life-crisis.

The remedy- find a chwank KT and lost in the kingdom of freedom and the paradise of heaven.

it is actually very common feeling, and guess what you either go back now or never if you ask me. as time goes on, probability of anybody gong back to nepal for good gets slimmer in my view. Very few people have gone back and in my experience mostly those who left right after they finished their degree.
i am not sure about your particular situation but it gets harder, once u get married, u have kids here, schooling here ...............................
if u do devide to bo back for good, u should share ur experience here later.

I thought I was the only one to have that kind of feeling. Man! I have been here for almost a decade now and I crave to go back more than ever before. Certainly everybody here has different reason for not being able to go back and I do too,it's mostly due to my financial condition. let me tell you one incidence that happened recently. Saroj Khanal Sunil Uprety and few other were in the town to perform their show. I went there too as I try not to miss any program that has anything to do with Nepalese. Sunil Uprety sang...Sagar ghain gahiro hamro Maya..By the time he was done singing I went infront of the stage and started asking what is he doing here wasting such a talent, why can't he go back to Nepal and so on. Mind you I was drunk at the time but I never had done anything stupid like that infront of so many people. I made a ass out of myself. Obviously I am so embarassed to what happened the previous night but I still can't figure out what made me do that. I like Sunil dai's song very much and I am sure he is a nice human being as well.

Thanks for your inputs, views and thoughts, pals. I guess the quarter-life-crisis as pointed out by Virtual Reality, is due to the fact that my purpose of USA visit was never really obvious to me at the first place. I came to study and I finished it. I worked and gained experiences from several work places. Money was never a priority to me so I have no dream about getting any richer. Well, I have realized by now that even if I had a dream of getting richer, it would have cost me pretty much the rest of my life anyway, which is really not worth it. Now, I am questioning myself about the motive of continuing my life in USA. I am running out of reasons to drive and uplift myself day in and day out. I guess my question is, how do you guys inspire yourself to compel your daily lives? Is it really worthy to sacrifice family, friends and closed ones and live a life that has very less to offer and so much to contribute?

i think u no the answer urself, if u have courage do what u think is good for u i.e. get out of usa otherwise do not waste our time here.

I don't know dude what you really want from this mere thread.

No one can change you but yourself. You can see others as examples or motivation, but after all it is all upto you.

I don't know whether you are suffering from a mild depression or an anxiety attack, but don't you worry Pal. Everything has its reason in this mysterious world. Let me tell you a story-not exactly a story, but worth telling you at this moment. Once I was telling my cousin not to eat too much as he was eating voraciously as he was chubby and the consequences of being obese. You know what was his answer! He said, "Think this way." "What if you have suffered from severe life-threatening disease and can not eat anything." He said, "Enjoy every bit of it (in fact, he was eating whole pint of ice cream) and just learn to relax."

He is right!!!

What if you were born unpriviledge in some corner of the remote mountatin, where you will have a meager opportunity to go to school for read and write, what is you were born as limbless, what if you were born asfdeaf, what if you were born blind, what if you were in a severe accident and become paralysed, what if.......etc,etc....

Compare to them, you are lucky!!!

Chill out Pal!!!

यस्तै रहेछ यहाँ को चलन
हार्ने को आशू आशू
जित्ने को हासो.................
भनेर चाँही भन्दिन,

तर......................
चलन चाँही यहाँ को यस्तै रहेछ
साथी तिमीलाई मात्र होइन, धेरै लाई यस्तो परेको छ...............

धर्य लिनुहोस्, मनको आवाज सुन्नुहोस्...........
पर क्षितिज पारी बाट नेपाली आमा बोलाई रहेछिन.............

हामी जस्ता हजारो नेपाली लाई पुकारी रहेछिन........
सुन्ने सामर्थ भय सुनौउ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have new goals!!! Travel the world!!! and eat dhal, bhat, tarkari!!!

Follow your instincts...go back home...a lot of people I know went back and are doing great back in Nepal. You don't want to regret your decisions.

The grass is always greener on the other side. Aarya, I was wondering what those who went back are doing. I can only name a handful of ppl, and quite frankly most left because they could not find decent jobs here. What kinds of opportunities are there? I am trying to reason realistically, rather than having my head up in the clouds and saying that I can create opportunities. I have seen people of my parents' generation return to Nepal after being educated abroad, and quite frankly, most of htem were frustrated with being unable to do anything back home.

Illusionation, there are two sides to the same coin. Right now, you are caught up in the daily grind, with nothing to look forward to and no long term goals, which is probably why you are feeling lonely and miss your parents. You think that being with you parents will make you happy. It probably will. But will it continue to keep you satisfied. You may get bored because you are not challenged enough at work. Or maybe your wife prefers the freedom here, or maybe you can't deal with the constant bandhs and the leg-pulling behavior. If you went back, maybe you iwll wonder whether your kids would have had a better future here.

I am in the same predicament. I came to the US around 10 yrs ago when i was a teenager, went to top schools, and worked at fancy jobs. I am in the process of actually getting my parents here, so that the whole family can be together. I know that I will take care of them in their old age, so they will have someone to love them no matter what. However, I know that in my own old age, my kids (when I get married and have kids) will probably not give me the same kind of love and respect I give to my parents. This I think will happen regardless of whether I choose to live and grow old here or in Nepal. There is a worldwide erosion of culture taking place. The cultural values in nepal are not the same as they were 15 years ago.

Ultimately, it's a personal choice, and the right decision will be different for different people. However, arriving at that decision does require a lot of introspection and bitter honesty. Also, it requires guts, and also some faith. Best wishes to you all in that decision.

that's what i have been really thinking about
what am i gonna do after graduation ..should i stay here or go back to nepal??

WELL GUYS ITS ONLY EASY WHEN YOU DONT HAVE ANY RESPONSIBILITY BUT WHEN IT COMES TO TAKING CARE OF RESPONSIBILITIES LIFE IS HARD BACK HOME.VERY TRUE CASPER THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE.PPL HERE REGRET BEING HERE AND BACK HOME PPL ARE FINDING WAYS TO HERE THEY ARE READY TO PAY ANYTHING FOR THAT.

Hey Casper! Friendly Ghost fan? I believe in freedom of expression! The grasses are actually greener in the "U.S."Isn't that why we are all here?I respect what our friend illusionation is feeling.Isn't it imporatant to get in touch with ones root? Why can't we imajine to take care of our parents in Nepal...rather than bringing there here against their will.With all the sacrifies they have made for us...is it too give a little back to them? Illusionation, I don' believe any of us have an answer to your question...I am afraid you need to find your own answer buddy.