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 Strange! but true (Mentally tortured and harassed by a wife)

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Posted on 06-21-14 8:22 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Seeking suggestion on what to do.
Please, this is my kind request not to comment any offensive reply.
I definitely would touch base with a lawyer soon. However, initiation on Sajha always does help
Thanks in advance
-------------------------------------

केहि बर्ष अगाडि नेपाल गएको बेला मैले बिहे गरे (strange but true it is a love marriage)। बिहे लगत्तै म usa फर्के आफ्नो काम को लागि। अैले म work visa मा छु। was in f1 when i got married.
मैले बिहे मा केही दाईजो पनि लेको थिएन। दाईजो नलिएर  ठुलो काम गरी भन्न खोजेको हैन। True, so it is being included in this post.

बिहे पछी:
I started hearing from family and friends about my wife being seen with other guy in a different dating spot. 
To confirm i did ask her and she admitted so easily.
Strange! 
just within few months period after marriage म यहाँ usa ma हुँदा उसको अरु केटा सँग सम्बन्ध रहन पुगेछ। Yes! after marriage. She said it is her true and deep love for that guy and that guy indeed understands her.
उस्ले मलाई उु तेही केटा सँग जान्छु भनेर mero घर छोडेर गई।  and i didn't stop her. i let her go. 

(it was not easy to let the wife u love to go with someone else in such a dramatic way.
But  i let her go because i want my relationship with my life partner to be bounded by love, trust, true feelings and respect, not due to any compulsion or सामाजिक बन्देज.
Besides, i have always loved her and i still do. I thought if she would be  happy with that let her be happy with it.

I did what i think was right, however, this stuff took me to depression for several weeks. I was not able to think, sleep, work for several weeks. Thanks to my lead and my team who understood my situation and help me with my work situation being much supportive. ( she was Indian and a woman and I believe that's called humanity)
)

तर त्यो केटाले  mero wife lai स्विकारेन  छ,  के  भयो तेस पछी  उ मेरो घरमा मा farkina.
But she started sending series of message asking me to sponsor her to USA on dependent visa or funded her to study abroad.
Then I realized her real intention. She married me(despite I am much older than her and much ugly as according to her) because her motive was to enter USA and to get financial backup from me.
I denied to sponsor her. Neither my financial situation is that good to fund her for abroad study.


हाल ऊ आफ्नो माइता मा बस्दै आएको रहेछ। since last 1 year.
(she just lied and fooled around her parents and getting support of them.
it is said mother's love is blind.No doubt, mother always support her child, but at least being a mother, one has to be much cautious regarding child action  and have to figure out the real stuff. Still no complain to my wife's mother)

उस्ले  मलाई पढ्न बस्न खर्च मागेको  थियो। आफ्नो कर्तव्य हो भनी  मैले उस्को dad ko खातामा पैसा हलिदिन्छु भने तर तेसो भने पछी  रीसाएरर  चाइदैन भनिन।    She wanted money in her account.
------------------------------------

My previous employer let me go from my previous job. Luckily, I found a new job and working fine so far.
However, barambar my wife has been threatening me to drag me to the court, divorce nai nadikana dhuru dhuru ruwauchu and all.
Though it always tortured me, I was able to control myself.

Every times she send msg, i would be scared, my whole body tingles and i am not able to think at all. I know it's a complete abuse but I always have stayed quiet as once upon a time she did provide me an immense love and support and I can never deny that fact.

Few days back she again sent msg and this time it was indeed intolerable; once again.

she messaged, उसले मलाई दिवोर्के केस गर्छु, property क्लैम गर्छु . and this time she said she would terminate my visa and drag me back to NEPAL. She used all the 'F' word, khate kukur and all. She said she has reached to the lawyer regarding this and her lawyer would be sending the legal documents to me. 
 
I tried to calm her down and convince her but of no avail. so said her
जे  ठीक लाग्छ तेही गर्नु 

-----------------------------------------
Just would like to mention, while I am in USA, I never have any relation with any girl.
I don't drink, smoke, neither I go to strip clubs and all. People who knows me even can't predict what's going inside my heart and my life.
I just try to make everyone smile though someone is making me cry all the time.
Again mentioning this as it is the fact.



I understand woman has more priority as per Nepal law.
Now Few questions to the one who can provide me relevant information.

-      उस्ले मलाई केस गरी मेरो visa cancel गराइ नेपाल फर्किन वाध्य गराउछु भनी msg पठाको छ।
       kt ले चाहेको खण्द मा के  उस्ले तेसो गर्न सक्छ ra According to Nepal Law? I am on work visa

-        उस्ले property claim केस जिते ko खन्दमा या हारेको खन्दमा उस्ले कती property paucha ?

-        के मेरो बाउ ko सम्पत्ति मा उस्ले claim garna सक्छ? (i am never in favor of taking my father's will. I believe in being independent and glad I am.)

- if she cases me which she might be planning, के मैले मेरो usa मा भाको  आफ्नो चल् अचल सम्पत्ति सबै को बिबरण  दिनु पर्छ। म सँग भको सम्पत्ति भन्दा धेरै सम्पत्ति मागेको खन्दमा  मैले के गर्नु parca.

- एदी मैले mero अलि अलि भाको money मेरो मदर को name मा  राखे  भने के तेस्मा उन्ले हक दबी गर्न सक्छ ?   

- ke ma nepal nai janu parcha divorce ko lagi or Is it possible to get it done from USA?

---- can i sue my wife for all these mental harassment and abuse as according to Nepal's law.
I have all the abusive msg, email she has sent, her admit of her affair. everything.
--------------------------------------------------

I just would like to mention, 
I would for sure reach to lawyer regarding this. It is just an initiative on sajha in the expectation of getting some appropriate advise. If anyone can suggest good advise and divorce lawyer, that would be great.

My question on this thread and for the topic for suing my wife for mental abuse is not to trouble my wife though she troubled/troubles  me a lot. At one point of a time, i was suicidal for a while because of her deeds.

---------------------------------
My kind request
please don't criticize and assume or use any thing bad word for her. 
I agree she did wrong but still don't want bad words for her.
i still love her. But I couldn't be with her because i have some principle and dignity in life.
and i believe no husband can be with the wife whom he loved, trusted, respected had left  him for some other guy being in relationship with that other guy.
-----------------------------------

No matter she wins the case or loose I would still provide her the part of my asset i earned working so hard in usa for her education, food and accommodation. I just want to be sure she doesn't misuse the money she gets, 
किनकि आफुले दुख गरि कमाको पैसाको/सम्पतिको माया आफुलाई जति अरुलाई कहिले  हुदैन. 
so she can spent/waste the money in a wrong way which she would get after divorce.
and i want my wife to be independent achieving a good education so that in future no matter wherever she will be, whoever she will be with she can survive happily and can have prosperous life.
Rahyo sawal mero. Sajha ko sathi haru bhaee halnu hunca ni to smile and remain calm.
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:26 AM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:27 AM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:29 AM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:34 AM

 
Posted on 06-21-14 11:34 AM     [Snapshot: 153]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I am 100% sure you win case if you go court. Nepal new law is also care about men too. If your story is true.
 
Posted on 06-21-14 3:16 PM     [Snapshot: 307]     Reply [Subscribe]
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make up your mind.....she left you like a dog and now you want to help her by giving your hard earned money......if she wants a battle, bring WAR to her.....jasta lai testai

btw, so you just let her leave to the other guys house without any kind of legal separation papers??? duniya kaha bata kaha pugyo timi chhai true love bhandai basa solti.......ghar nai chodera gaye pachhi kam se kam legally ta timile process agadi badauna parchha ni....k heri baseko twalla lato le papa hereko jasto???
 
Posted on 06-21-14 3:45 PM     [Snapshot: 353]     Reply [Subscribe]
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DeltaGamma,
It is a genuine story. More than winning or loosing a case I am trying to figure out
how much maximum amount of money I have to pay in case if I loose the case during the divorce procedure.
and
by preliminary research I have realized I have to pay some part of my property(the one I have earned) even though I win the case.
As I said, I am ready to pay certain amount for her study and living no matter I win the case or loose it.
All I am trying is to collect the information that may be supportive later on.
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 03:45 PM
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 03:46 PM

 
Posted on 06-21-14 4:07 PM     [Snapshot: 371]     Reply [Subscribe]
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kaji sahab
I was here in USA, and She was in Nepal at my home with my parents.
When I reached her, She admitted having a relationship with some other guy  who she really loved and decided to be with. So what should I have done in such a case?
I did ask her how about my old parents? They would be alone if she leaves them in such situation.
Her response was, "they are your parents Not mine!" and that's true.
Being a son, it's my responsibility. i should never expect  anything from someone else's daughter.
So I didn't stop her. 
And to be clear, she went and talked with the guy to marry her and take her to his home, the guy denied.  so she went and stayed at her home(maita) and still continued seeing the guy.
You know there are some guys who say they love the girl(other's wife) and happy to play with others wife physically but not ready to accept them. I think that's the case.
and 
regarding, why didn't i stop her,
A wife who already crossed the boundary of  a sacred relationship of a marriage being in a relationship with some other guy, there is no point of stopping such wife though i still wish good for her for the rest of her life no matter where ever she would be and with whomever she would be with.



Last edited: 21-Jun-14 04:10 PM

 
Posted on 06-21-14 4:24 PM     [Snapshot: 415]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Dude,
You have to spend couple of 100 dollars for lawyer fees only. You have proof that she already admitted having a relationship with some other guy who she really loved and decided to be with.
so new law is after marriage with someone if she begin or continuous with her previous man. it is automatically divorce. Once you file you are done. you do not need to pay single penny from your side to her.
 
Posted on 06-21-14 6:02 PM     [Snapshot: 522]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Sorry to hear it, adding another story which may not be relevant. Acharya bandhu married to US citizen to get green card , went to Nepal marry a Nepali , he hosed her with his sperm, went back again in two years repeat the same shit. Had two children by the time he got citizenship, divorced that Yankee and brought wife with two children. You were not that type.

From you side of story , we assume a gentleman.If your story is true you should have done as Mr. Achrya did because there is a saying " मुठ्ठीभरिको धन र आखा भरिको श्रीमती मात्रै आफ्नो हुन्छ "
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 06:04 PM

 
Posted on 06-21-14 6:43 PM     [Snapshot: 553]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Ruben123,
Thank you for the suggestion. My kind request,
Could you please edit your comment and remove the word b**ch.
I did make a kind request in the post not to use any bad word.

---------------------------------
There is no avail in talking to her family. I did talk to her(father, mother) a lot but I was threatened that a serious action would be taken against me in case I initiate a divorce case.

My parents are well aware of the situation.

In fact I have been messaged by my wife that when I will return to Nepal, her family is not going to spare me. She has been lying to everyone to get sympathy of them and no wonder she would get.
'The tears from the eyes of a lady can make anyone feel that she is speaking the truth unless you have a proof that she isn't'
and if the tears is from your daughter, sister, then no once can do anything.
and It's already been more than a year she has left my home and has been living in her home(maita).

I thought when there is no trust, love, honesty and respect in the relation, divorce is just a paper work. She used to torture me every time sending abusive message full of threats and used to ask for money for her abroad study. But recently she really abused me over the limit
using all the bad abusive language and gives me mental torture, by threatening termination of my visa.
Last edited: 21-Jun-14 06:50 PM

 
Posted on 06-21-14 6:54 PM     [Snapshot: 592]     Reply [Subscribe]
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magorkhe1
there is a age(young age) when one may make a mistake, assuming it as a fun hanging around bars, girls and all.
I did already crossed that age long back.
 Besides, long back i have promised myself that I will marry this girl(my wife) and I did marry her because i have really loved her.

If at present, I were a young guy then as well I could never play such a game of having wives.
I always have a principle of loving only one girl  at a time. Jhan wife ta jeevansaathi. How could I betray my life partner in such a pathetic way. Impossible for me.

Anyways, thank you for your reply


 
Posted on 06-21-14 6:56 PM     [Snapshot: 595]     Reply [Subscribe]
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Deltagamma
bro, thank you for your suggestion.
But I don't think it is that easy as according to the law of Nepal.
Would be reaching to a lawyer shortly for this.

 
Posted on 06-21-14 7:35 PM     [Snapshot: 644]     Reply [Subscribe]
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goodsoul bro,

You sound to be a mature gentleman. So, you know that we hope for good but need to be ready for worse. Nepal and elsewhere, laws are more sympathetic towards female. You may get a divorce, but you will have to give her a significant portion of your wealth.. The court may not easily take the electronic communications as proof of her extra marital affairs. And, she will not accept in front of the judge that she had any such affair. So, you can try settling the case out side the court.
 
Posted on 06-21-14 8:13 PM     [Snapshot: 663]     Reply [Subscribe]
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nepalilaure bro,
thank you for the information.
you are right. female always gets the priority in such case which is good for those females who are really facing lot of troubles because of abusive husband. However, in any scenario there is always an exception.
I do have only electronic proof. I assume every proof these days would be only electronic.
Photographs can be retouched. video and audio can be remade.
But I understand there are companies that verifies genuine evidence verses false evidence.
Probably, Nepal doesn't have that facility.
nepalilaure bro,
So far my wife is not saying that she won't divorce me though she vowed that she will first make me suffer before eventually giving a divorce.
She is seeking a huge amount of money for divorce which at present is beyond my capability.
If possible, she won't hesitate  taking all the property of mine including of my father.
That's what I want to be sure if she can claim for my father property.

And yes you're right we can settle the case outside the court. And she will take the money she is demanding. My primary concern is not giving her a money but I assume the money she would be getting so easily, she wouldn't be able to utilize it properly. 
It is said if you don't know how to save, "kuwar ko dhukuti ta  reetinca."

All I want is 
-she realizes that she has really made a terrific mistakes that has destroyed a  relationship that could have been wonderful in the future directing her life to be prosperous

-I don't want her to repeat the same mistake again in future else I fear she ends up being alone and loneliness is something that won't take a long to kill a soul and then a body.

-Apart from that, I always prefer  to speak and fight for right thing else my dignity would always make me have a regret within me for the rest of life for giving up. 





 
Posted on 06-21-14 8:34 PM     [Snapshot: 713]     Reply [Subscribe]
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goodsoul,

I can feel that you still have some soft spot in your heart for your wife. If possible, and if she is genuinely interested to come back as a changed person, accept her. Even if she is staying in her maiti for 1 year and she has her dad, mom and brother to think about her future, you care about her future so much.

Though, i am not a law practicing person in Nepal or elsewhere, I believe that she can claim her parts on your parent's property because you are entitled to such property. This can be avoided, i believe, if you have paperwork from back dates that you already have ANSHSBANDA with your parents.

As per electronic communication, she can easily create a dummy who can claim that she/he misused her email/text etc and send you such messages, if her intentions are to extract as much as she can out of your property by creating scenarios that she wanted to remain married and your are the one who is asking for divorce.

Last edited: 21-Jun-14 08:38 PM

 
Posted on 06-21-14 10:39 PM     [Snapshot: 879]     Reply [Subscribe]
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There are only two suggestions I'd give you.
First and foremost, lawyer up quick. You might need lawyers from both Nepal and US.

Second, grow a pair. Seriously, this woman treated you like shit, it's about time you get over the fantasy and face the reality. Life is giving you a lemon, squeeze it.
 
Posted on 06-22-14 12:27 AM     [Snapshot: 1010]     Reply [Subscribe]
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If your parental property is in your mums name, your wife won't be able to claim it. Divorce process in Nepal is very slow. So, by the time it finalize, you might end of paying less money as settlement. You can hold divorce with some promises with your wife before she files and transfer your property to your mum's name. I don't think a Nepali lawyer can drag you to Nepali court or change your visa status.
 
Posted on 06-22-14 7:42 AM     [Snapshot: 1247]     Reply [Subscribe]
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kiddo- thank you for your advise. I am trying to figure out if an international lawyer could help me to overcome the situation without going back to Nepal. Probably, that would not be that easy.

dindukhi , hydrogensulphide - thank you for your suggestion.


 
Posted on 06-22-14 2:47 PM     [Snapshot: 1518]     Reply [Subscribe]
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As Kiddo suggested, you definitely need to grow a pair. You need to decide what you want in life. After all that has happened and you know for sure that she is a dishonest and disloyal lowlife (note no offensive words), why you still offered to deposit money into her father's account is beyond me. You are either really stupid or learned pretty much everything from 70s and 80s cheesy Bollywood flicks. Regardless of that, you really need to take a pause and say WTF. As long as you act like a pussy, she will take every advantage of that. So stop being a pussy first. It is clearer than the dayfkinglight that she wants to push you around. Legally, I don't think you owe her anything. However, being such a nice guy you are, if you want to hand over your entire life's earnings and end up like a loser, be my guest.
1. Nepal's family law clearly states that if the wife is infidel to the marriage, then she does not get any property. If you have evidence of her admitting to this, you don't owe her anything legally. Instead you can claim wedding expenses from the guy who she fooled around with. If you consult a lawyer in Nepal, you will find this out right away.
2. She could have claimed your assets in the US, but it will be very difficult for her to prove anything existing in the US. Due to her cheating, she will be ineligible to claim anything.
3. You should stop ignoring her existence. Don't reply to her emails and just break contact. Ask to her to correspond with your lawyer about anything she has to say.
4. Proceed with the divorce proceedings in Nepal, but get a good lawyer first.
5. Once again, do yourself a favour and stop being such a pussy...
 
Posted on 06-22-14 3:32 PM     [Snapshot: 1571]     Reply [Subscribe]
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hera brother

the money that you are ready to give to your love to support her, spend that money on a good lawyer and teach her a lesson.

save and backup all communications that prove her infidelity and intention to leave. also document all time and date of such occurrences. in short, gather evidence and proof and drag her to the court.

sorry but you cant make a hoe a housewife! teach her a lesson so she thinks twice before fkin* other dudes. if you let her go without any repercussions, she will find another victim. so for the sake of other men, teach her a good damn lesson.
 
Posted on 06-22-14 8:39 PM     [Snapshot: 1737]     Reply [Subscribe]
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sorry to hear that bro it could happen to anyone . like ytbns said get good lawyer . i do understand it must be really difficult situation to deal with emotionally and mentally but you have to deal with it either making compromising with your wife and forgetting about everything and making peace and starting over again with her or dealing it legally through lawyer . personally just my opinion i would compromise make peace and start over again and work on trying to convice her to be pregnent again and try to become happy again if i were you   that's my personnel opinion ,
Last edited: 22-Jun-14 08:41 PM

 
Posted on 06-23-14 7:39 AM     [Snapshot: 1923]     Reply [Subscribe]
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I remember there was a movie called "Love, Sex and Dokha". Never watched it. It seems I am reading one.

Sorry to hear your story GS bro! I just want to say : Forget her and move on.

PS: Be BOLD not Italic !!
 



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