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 offensive or compliment?

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Posted on 12-15-09 1:24 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Do you feel offended when Americans tell you "you have such good english" that they cannot believe that anyone else can speak in english with good choice of words and expressions.....This happend in my class yesterday whn a blondie told me aww how can you speak such good english comin from a different country....i told her we grew up watchin english channels and shows.....english school.....she just sighed ,,,,huhhhhh ...she just couldnt digest it....has also happened in so many job interviews that it just ticked me off......


On the other hand when i was in school .....ppl ridiculed ppl like me for using too much English....replying in english when asked questions in nepali....


how do u strike a balance???


 


 
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Posted on 12-16-09 4:12 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Lame...discussion.
If the same blond girl were to go to Kathmandu and speak descent Nepali, what do you think we'll say? You think we'll sensitive towards her or read her mind? Anybody with a right set of mind will think "She speaks good Nepali". That is the firs thing that will come to your mind. So stop being so insecured. If you're living in a place with lots of Mexicans, it is your problem. It will NOT be the last time you'll hear those statements. Get used to it, it is not like you are being shot dead at the gas station.
You're the same person who think Mahabharata and Ramayana were real stories that really took place in history. You should have put some vedic spell on her and turn her into a monkey.

 
Posted on 12-16-09 4:39 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Whether you want to accept it or not, it is your insecurities. You did not answer my above question. Even if you think it was a stereotyping, then do you think your race or culture is free of stereotyping? It is a human nature. Fact-everybody on this planet does that.
I  agree it is a nation of immigrants. Her great-great Irish grandfather probably faced the same problem like you. It's nothing personal. Assuming things are human nature related, not attached to countries and origin.
If you feel yourself so smart to call me a "moron", why not we hear you spoken English? That will clear out some misunderstanding.
No offense.

 
Posted on 12-16-09 5:20 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Pixie, just because someone disagreed with you doesn't mean you stray off and start labeling others as morons. I'm not taking sides but you really made a meal out of what you got told. You're completely ignoring the fact that most of these Americans come across hundreds of foreigners who really struggle to muster a set of words that form a "perfect" sense! Hence, when that woman heard you speaking "perfect" English, she must've really felt pretty impressed. 

English is not your language. Feel whatever you like but thats the way it is. Hence, as long as you live in America, you will continually come across people who will feel "impressed" by your grasp on the language. However, down the road, should you be able to attain a respectful position in a firm or society, people will definitely not bother to question your knowledge on the language. To make things more clear, even KulChandra Gautam doesn't seem to have a "fantastic" and "clear" English but personality and grasp on a language are two different aspects of a personality. Just because a person has a fantastic English doesn't equate to him or her being a "good" personality! 

So take a chill pill and remain calm. If someone tells you that your English is really good, it is a compliment. If you feel otherwise, I'd strongly urge you to take it with a pinch of salt. There's really no need to get worked up. What do you expect them to say? Oh, you're brown, you're an immigrant who came from a non English speaking country, therefore, you must have a good grasp of English language. 

 
Posted on 12-16-09 7:58 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Do you feel offended when Americans tell you "you have such good english" --- Well it depends on how  he/she is saying. You can easily distinguish from the person expression. If he/she is making expression as if the whole world is falling down then ofcourse he/she is trying to offend you otherwise hell no.


I was in a christmas party a week before. they started talking about christmas and they asked me do you celebrate christmas in Nepal? I said we dont celebrate christmas like you guys do but it is getting more and more popular these days so it is kind of like yes we do celebrate.....and again they asked me --do you guys have SANTA CLAUS in nepal? i said NO. and the one old lady ask me - you guys dont exchanges gifts among friends and family in christmas  and i again said NO. and then she nicely said i just wanted to make sure that you know what is SANTA CLAUS. i didnt get offended by this. is there anything that i should get offended???  she just tried to help me understand .


If you start getting offended by this kind of things, you will get offended every once in awhile. English is not our first language so someway somewhere we lack the knowledge of english.


Americans appreciates when non-english people speak decent english.


So dont try to be oversmart. That is it.

Last edited: 16-Dec-09 08:00 PM

 
Posted on 12-16-09 8:30 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Here's a little twist. Is the following sentence offensive? Or, should we all feel all good that we're being called brave?

"नेपाली लोग बहादुर है।"

And, here's a little story. I had a roommate in college, a guy from DC. Every time I talked to him about Nepal (my homeland), he used to talk about Lesotho (a country where he spent 2 years of his life doing Peace Corps work). It got to a point I felt irritated and decided to deal with it. So, I asked him, "Are you from Lesotho?" Of course he wasn't and I knew it. He was the son of a rich and powerful Jewish American couple who hobnobbed in the power circles inside the beltway.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Every time I talk about my home, you talk about Lestotho. Why?" I asked.

From then on, he stopped talking to me about Lesotho when I talked about Nepal.

Now, don't go about thinking that I have anything against learning about a southern African land-locked country.

What irritated me was he failed to look at Nepal as my homeland, and only looked at it as a Third World, underdeveloped country.

Moral: Look at the individual; not at the class. If you don't, you'd be stereotyping. Unless, of course, you're doing a critical paper on some political science, sociology or anthropology course.

It's amazing that this simple point is being lost in this debate, which I think is going off on tangent now.

Pixie's issue is never really about the language. It's about stereotyping. That's why she was not sure whether to feel good or irritated about it.

 
Posted on 12-16-09 8:53 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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hehe.. no offense pixie..

they mean no harm..unlike thamel ko junkie haru le tirkho ankha le herekobhaye bhane u know they want doing something bad.

i had host family. i had gone to visit them. their daughter (highschooler) led me in excited saying.. woohooo i got an ipod for christmas..and i didnt know how to congratulate her..so she stopped short and asked me.."do you know what an iPod is?".

the reason is not just them. when she said 'woohoo i got an ipod' usually they want u to join in.. its called politeness..its the lubricant of language, but i didnt know how to be polite...so she assumed..poor guy doesnt know wat im talking about.

OFFCOURSE i know what an ipod is :)

 
Posted on 12-16-09 9:46 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A_P,

You're thinking way too much man. Don't go that deep haha. 

 
Posted on 12-16-09 10:12 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Quagmire, 

Well, I can laugh, too. Trust me on that. I'm not taking any of this personally. It's just a topic of discussion -- the thing that keeps Sajha going.

BTW, another little story.

I"m a Newar. Recently a young woman (who is herself a Newar), who moved up north from Alabama, said to me, "Your Nepali is perfect. You don't sound like a Newar."

I thought to myself, "WTF" (pardon my French here).

You tell me now, should I have felt complimented? Heck no. I just felt sorry for her stereotypical mentality.

Pixie's story is the same. Just replace Nepali with English.

 
Posted on 12-16-09 10:30 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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A_P, Like I already said, you're taking it too seriously. You cannot relate to the two different situations. It just isn't fair. You have every right to be offended ( Newari - perfect Nepali situation ) while you are NOT entitled to feel offended on the other occasion (Pixie's case ). Nepali is our mother tongue and our national language. English is not! We learned English while we were born and raised speaking Nepali. 

Two different scenarios, two different situations. Don't get it too complicated. And I wasn't mocking you in my previous post. 
Last edited: 17-Dec-09 05:58 PM

 
Posted on 12-16-09 11:18 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Stereotypes are as old as human culture itself. They reflect ideas that groups of people hold about others who are different from them.Stereotypes can be either positive ("black men are good at basketball") or negative ("women are bad drivers"). But most stereotypes tend to make us feel superior in some way to the person or group being stereotyped.Here we have A_P who speaks beautiful nepali tho he is newar n'we have Pixie too who speaks fluent english (can i say hansom english?coz m' still learning).Stereotypes ignore the uniqueness of individuals by painting all members of a group with the same brush.Damn blondie coz of you all this long thread 


 
Posted on 12-16-09 11:59 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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It's really ironical that a person's seemingly stereotypical comment is analyzed and as a result, a stereotype is made thereof. If there is anything of a stereotype here, it is a stereotype of a typical (an identifier of a stereotype) ignorant person.. Why should it be scrutinized by a flashlight when a person is dazzling with stupidity? I believe it should be handled in case-by-case basis. No one other than you, can judge the other person's disposition and the context that lead to the comment.

If you're playing a drinking game, every time you come across a word 'stereotype' in this thread, gulp a shot. You'll be totally f'ked up by the end of this thread, provided you have enough alcohol.

 
Posted on 12-17-09 1:19 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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How is it that all of you have so much free time?!

Jealous.

For the most part, I'd say that they're genuinely impressed by our command on the English language. Since we've been in the US for a considerable period of time (generalizing, sorry) and subconsciously try blending into the American culture every single day, it's only natural for us to be somewhat offended when we're treated as "outsiders," if you will.

Shrug it off and move on.

 
Posted on 12-17-09 9:33 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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If people only stopped paying attention to who said what and just live your live this world would be a better place. Tara yo Nepali gadha haru ko ego is soooo fugging big they have to respond to ayyy tyesley estoo bhaneko pakh tyeslai. Just be a better person and forget about it and go and live your live without stressing abou it. There are bigger problems in this world than to be fretting about such petty little things.
 
Posted on 12-17-09 5:10 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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you know what's really sad? Uber-sensitive nutcases like pixie & A_P remind me of modern day politically correct America. People like them will point out anything is a stereotype....I remember a coworker telling me few days ago how you can't say Merry Christmas to other people in the work place. You have to say 'Happy Holidays,' because Jewish people celebrate Hanukkah, Africans celebrate Kwanzaa and who know what other faiths celebrate. You can't stereotype and assume everyone celebrates Christmas and it might be offensive to some! What a load of crap. Even for an atheist like me this kind of p.c. ticks me off.

In the not too distant future, I can see everything being so politically correct that we will just stop talking. Yup, because what ever you say will be offensive to someone. haha

like bathroomcoffee said, don't make a mountain out of a molehill. Happy Holidays to you all
 
Posted on 12-17-09 6:07 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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Too sensitive.....its a lovely feeling to be complimented, accept it for what it is!

Life is too short and hard enough to be prickly about such trivial matters......lighten up a bit Pixie girl! u got comp'd!

 
Posted on 12-17-09 11:30 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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both way r u half empty or half full guy depends on u.


 


 
Posted on 12-18-09 12:28 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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This is directed to those who have resorted to calling names like gadha and nutcase:


So, now, this thread has turned into taking cheap shots, just because you can hide behind a digital facade?


So, this is how to debate face to face with somebody or in a group? By calling names, just because somebody disagrees with your viewpoint?


You think pulling this kind of cheap contrived cyber machismo hiding behind a digital identity prevents people from finding out who you really are?


I know who you really are.


You're someone with a disturbed mind who lack courage to agree to disagree in a civil manner.


You're someone who go on an ego trip at every opportunity you get, just to feel relevant. And your method is to hurl insults, when you fail to use logic.


You're somebody who have not been taught by parents how to behave in public.


My response to Pixie's post was not and never intended as a suggestion. It was an observation, which you are free to disagree with.


So, go on and keep calling names if you wish every time somebody disagrees with you. You will do a good job at exposing your good-for-nothing "cyber strongman" personality.


And, that's what you are. A "cyber strongman". Nothing really much.


 
Posted on 12-18-09 7:48 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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My intention to post this thread in Sajha is not a display of my insecurities( please dont assume unless you know me!!) not it is my sensitivity. The only reason is that it is a reoccuring theme in almost every relations / encounters i have had with Americans ...so it kind of threw me off after the 100th occurance and started questioning my perception!!!


May be there intention is good or may be laden with sarcasm/steryotyping.....I know its a judgement call and its  always helpful to hear what other ppl from similar background would say.....looks like some of you have evolved to become an apathetic, overly optimistic superhuman beings but I am still working one it !! :)


 
Posted on 12-18-09 7:59 AM     Reply [Subscribe]
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I truly believe you are over thinking. It is not likely that everyone you meet is sarcastic. It is quite possible that everyone you meet is complimenting you and that maybe because you have something to be complimented about. Remember, English is not your native tongue. So, no matter how good you think you are, people will still think that you are good in your second language and say as much. So say thank you and move on.

 
Posted on 12-18-09 12:33 PM     Reply [Subscribe]
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