Lolayeka (Translated)

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pnepali

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- Prayash Nepali

A look with those big dreamy eyes,

And I won’t need anything else.

I want to be the fortunate ring of your hand, feel your touch,

And I won’t need anything else.

Your pretty face makes the moon blush; I want to see it for a moment,

And I won’t need anything else.

Those big dreamy eyes…

I want to be the ghada* full of water next to your shapely waistline,

And I won’t need anything else.

I want the shades of your hair as dark as Bhadau’s** rainclouds,

And I won’t need anything else.

A look with those big dreamy eyes,

And I won’t need anything else.

*Ghada.

**Bhadau

My apologies for butchering the poetry here and there. Feedback welcome.

NALAPANI

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Bravo !!!!!!!

It is one of my favorite song, a sweet and touching piece of poetry. Your English translation makes it even better sounding. Good job bro !!!!!

Dukhe

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Loved it bro, can i copy ur two lines as my status for today...wud appreciate

pnepali

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sure thing dukhe!!!
and thanks.

bibz

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@praysh Bravo!
Since you have welcomed feedback on your footnote, I dared to post what I feel

The lyricist MBB Shah has indeed selected beautiful words while writing this song. Nonetheless, you have justified your nick with a well attempt (prayash). I also have this hobby....of translating lyrics/poems from Nepali-English and vice versa . Thinking that it's one of your fav things as well, let me share a tip (but not rule) about translating . The common tendency of translators(esp. beginners) , whethe the translation is for poem, story, essay or anything, is to do so "word" by "word", which is not the way. I realized this when you left the word "Bhadau" as it is. When you translate a literary piece, chiefly poem and songs, you need to pay attention that the "bhabh" (theme or gist) should be kept intact rather than direct meaning. 'Cause poem is an art , not mathematics that X+X=2X is necessary. And another important thing is after you translate the poem in a regional language into a common one, the people all ver the world who know the language can share it.
" I want shades of your hair as dark as Bhadau's rainclouds"
And I won’t need anything else "
can be paraphrased as :
" Only ifI could
be the shadows of
Those dark long hair
alike black rainclouds of July
it would suffice "

I have given two links - one contains the poems in original language by Bhupi Sherchan and the other which has them translated. Very helful for ppl having hobby like yours
http://xnepali.com/main/content/english-translation-poems-bhupi-sherchan
http://sanjaal.com/nepalipoems/5/poem-bhupi-sherchan/bhupi-sherchan-ghumne-mech-mathi-andho-manchhe/

Well this is solely my opinion and I am not a professional. Just told you what I feel. But don't forget "sunna sau ka, karna mann ka " But I loved the starting lines. All in all, good work dude

Keep it up !

Last edited: 02-Feb-11 03:42 AM

Last edited: 02-Feb-11 03:43 AM

pnepali

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@bibz: thanks for the sanjaal link. It has a plethora of Nepali poems. I took a stab at translating Bhairab Aryal's "Khol" and I've posted it here in sajha and in my blog as well (http://sthamba.blogspot.com/2011/03/khol-translation-cover.html). Feedback is most welcome. I didn't translate "Bhadau" and "Ghada" to keep the "Nepalitwa" intact if that makes any sense. I have taken to heart your advice of not trying to translate words but "bhabh."

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