I fired my Secretary

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Two weeks ago was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling

Too hot that morning anyway.

I went to breakfast knowing my wife

Would be pleasant and say ?Happy Birthday,?

And would probably have a present for me.

She didn't even say ?Good Morning,? Let alone any ?Happy Birthday.?

I thought, ?Well, that's wives for you. Maybe the children will remember .?

The children came in to breakfast and didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low and despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said,

?Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.?

So I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said,

?You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday,

let's go to lunch, just you and me.? I said, ?By George,

that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go.?

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go;

We went out into the country to a little private place.

We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said,

?You know, it's such a beautiful day.

We don't need to go back to the office, do we??

I said, ?No, I guess not.? She said, ?Let's go to my apartment.?

After arriving at her apartment she said, ?Boss, if you don't mind,

I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.?

?Sure,? I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and,

In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake,

Followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends.

All were singing ? Happy Birthday? And there on the couch I sat... Naked.

kathCAT

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ha ha ha awesome!

Jonny

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Good one.

Samsara

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Good once son...Another one below:

My Girlfriend's Friend

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

There was only one thing bothering me, indeed, and that was my girlfriend's friend. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, and who sometimes flirted with me, which made me feel uncomfortable.

One day, she invited me to come over to discuss something about the wedding. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me that soon I would be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't suppress. So before I got married and committed my life to her best friend, she wanted to make love to me just once.

What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me.

In great anticipation I just watched her delicious body as she moved slowly up the stairs.

I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door. I opened it, and stepped out of the house.

To my surprise, my girlfriend was standing outside. And with tears in her eyes, she hugged me and said, "I am so in love with you! You have passed my little test. I couldn't ask for a better man to marry."

MORAL OF THE STORY:

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN THE CAR

mno

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hahahahahahahaha

norton

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Good one OcRam and Samsara.

bored

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Office Secretary joke -

Two guys were discussing the new secretary at their office. John to George: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!"

Two days later. George to John: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but I still think your wife is better in bed!"

OcRam

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Here is one more:

Mr. A: Oh! See those big BOOBS...
Mr. B: Big Boobs bhanda yaad aayo- Bhauju ko k cha hal khabar?

Samsara

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Here's another short and sweet one:

Old minniskirt

When short hemlines came back into fashion, my old girlfriend dug an old miniskirt out of her closet.

She tried it on, but then couldnâ€™t figure out what to do with her other leg.