Dear Amber,
A story weaved with miniature details with a tinge of harsh reality - a pleasant read, great job!
'so basically men are hypocrites..big time' hmmmm....
just wanted to nudge someone
hi there returnee!
i am half-certain about your identity although don't want to steal your thunder by beating around the bush making guesses in here. if you're from europe, which i am quite sure you are, then you know me and you have my number. call anticipated
if not then: chal chal...zara hawa aane de hahahaha
Amber- You are a Nova!
Damn! you kinda gave me this sudden urge to get pregnant. Having a baby you inside you, the feel /touch/kick/move of that little one inside you....and all that stuffs. I want to get pregnant right now!
But i know its something tht i'll never get to experience.
Motherhood is an wonderful stage,no? ......someone calling you momma, pulling your hair, playing with toys , messing around the house, dirtying the house, crying the whole night, diapers....OMG! urge gone!
Wonderful Story
Good Luck!
pleasure is all mine. don't hesitate to holler yours truly when/if you feel the need to edit your reads before posting 'em in here (<----look who's talking
)
an arcane aristocratic stupidity and Keshya's submissiveness. What happened after that??
but Frank's the man isn't he??
well amber dijju i was looking forward to reading the "sajha fairy tale....", but i am complacent after reading this one.........execution chai kasto kasto lagyo, Keshya is left to learn life the hard way.........
btw the way nepali daddy, american mommy, boyfriend re maldives gaako...........and the result of the passion nearly
duped me for some reason ( who is who bhanera), i didn't follow the punctuations properly.anyways great going
keep posting.
all praises...........clap clap clap..................
occult
aviator/lootekukur-thanks.
occult-thanks for your comments. why not check this out?i'm sure most of the readers will agree on this.
*************************
good
story on sajha!” kesya got pregnant, decided not to get an abortion ,started
dating frank”- just to prove that i read it.
let
me pull it up again on screen. i'd prefer to give you comments directly. overall,
i think you're well on your way to becoming a great writer. this story just
proves it.
on a
line by line basis it's easy for me to find things to comment on. in the first
part you posted the part that i found most awkward to follow-was the sudden
shift into the past -from 2007 to 1991 somehow, by calling it "part
II" i expected time to move forward
when actually you went back in time for one, drop "part II" make it
one single piece with the flashback in the middle. in a movie it would be easy
to do. change the color tones slightly (less bright colors or even black and
white) for the flashback when it's just written text... it's a little harder to get the stupid reader
to follow exactly...may be say... it was the day of bada dashain16 years ago. so
that the reader does not have to keep track of dates just add 16 years ago or
something like that just as an added guide for the stupid reader to follow
exactly the time switch.
next
point where i got a little confused when keshya decides not to have the
abortion and walks out and meets frank. when and how does frank learn about her
decision? can you help the reader along a bit saying he looked up from the
children's book he was flipping through,
and there she was already or something like that find a way to tell the reader
that frank realized that she was back out much sooner than if she had gone
through with the abortion "he looked up, and there she was ALREADY" or
something like that you know what i mean? i also don't quite get the part about
her comment "fairy tales again".
not quite sure what it adds to the story. i don't quite see whether its
presence adds to or subtracts from the story whether it's well located part of.
“i was just starting to feel flattered that
there is a little piece of me appearing in your story... but wanted to double
check first.”
---- received from an anonymous friend
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