Hey Amber, amazing piece. At one point, it felt like I was reading Nora Roberts, only better. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.
Amber wrote, "Deewas was insecure, especially around females- creatures he found mysterious and more intimidating than the turbulences and runways of the West Nepal. Flying was his passion. He loved what he was doing so completely, that there was no need to pretend to be anyone else"
Nice details there...You just explained the hallmark traits of someone educated in the missionary boarding "all-boys" school system in India. Gotta give props to the attention to detail in all your stories (the way Darpana prepared herself for Deewas' arrivel, her tear-drop incidents, etc.)...However, for the rest of the story, I just felt it was a lil too bland. Contained basic conversation which consisted of only the small talks we hear every other day. Maybe it was my stupidity to expect something sensational that contained humor and suspense as, being a reader you pre-assume some of the scenes and when it doesn't go as planned, it's kinda dissapointing. BTW, You have the gift of writing but I felt the story just wasn't captivating enough (in my viewpoint only as I felt no connection to it). You're a good writer but I regret to say that this story is not one of my favorite work of yours.
Thanks for the read and I will look forward to more. Have a great wkend!
“The route to a woman's heart is circuitous, I believe, and unlike the detours in a road under repair, it is not marked clearly. Well yes, the men do know how to hold a bag, hold a door, and generally treat a woman like the queen she is but still if you don’t make the right turn, you are off the listâ€.
exactly. that's why i don't speed up these days ...defensive driving you see? hahahahahaha :D..i have 2 tickets already in my name :(..yeah for over-speeding :D :P
amber...presentation is great..language/word-selection is impeccable for the most part, but u missed out this time on plot. i am a kind of a reader who believes in smashing plots :P... while i understand darpana's plight, you could have brought some more feel about her feelings in the story to make readers cry along with her. there's no point stating that a character is crying in the story if u can't make readers feel what she is feeling...you need to bring moments (i frankly don't know how though :P) to make readers feel the feelings of characters. :D
Thank you for packing up your summer a little early and come join us for last few days of summer. People might have come to your life this summer as well and some of them bode goodbye to you. They might have added some flavor to your life. Assuming you have an adult emotion, you must have noticed that it is a season and it ends.
Terrific story once again. I like the way you go into details. They add dimension to your character, scenes, activities and feelings. You seem to be so balanced with these details that none of them can be branded as mere exaggeration. With such a flow, you draw us so close to your characters, they tend to live inside us.
I liked the way you ended up some of your paragraphs. They are witty appropriate and strong statements.
"He had earned the worst enemies and best friends with that."
"He loved what he was doing so completely, that there was no need to pretend to be anyone else. "
"That day she emerged from there into a different world, and adult world, where memories of the first love lingered, but summers always end."
One thing for sure, your female characters are so peculiar, I find them mysterious as Dewas did. May be you are right that it takes an adult to notice what one feels is love and what one missed was love. I still wonder if it was a kid or a girl in Darpana who kicked Deewas in one turn and realized that someone is missing in passenger's seat.
Excellent write up -- thoroughly enjoyed the entire body, but have some qualms about the title. "Monsoon Wedding..." kind of made me cringe with regards to your originality. Again, the title, of course is only a tiny fraction of your wonderful creation, and I truly enjoyed the rest.
Sndy- Thanks! You are the ultimate lady.
Samsara- Hopefully, Amber will be able to live up to the expectation next time. Thanks for stopping by and for those carefully crafted words.
Lootekukur- You are one creditworthy critic.
SunnyDev- Amber always looks forward for your reviews. It's amazing. How could you read a writer's mind?Does she need to say THANKS for dropping by? Thank you!
Poonte- Thanks! Call it Monsoon Madness . Actually, Amber wanted to add some seasonal flavor to the story. So, that was the only title she could think of. Amber,reckons the title does not pose any threat to the originality of the content. Anyways, it will be taken into account from the next time. Btw, is it allowed to borrow the titles?
amber,
i swear i was not drunk while writing the last comment :P. there have been several occasions in my life in sajha, where i have given second thoughts to my own views and at few occasions i have changed my views altogether, only for the betterment/correctness and this happens to be one of those few moments :D
i reread the story because i wanted to come closer to darpana for some reason. i had missed out her childhood naivety. for what it seemed like a forceful emotion at first hand, i found every reason to be a part of darpana's tears while i was at it second time.
thanks for bringing me her childhood in the story and her adulthood in reality, if i may say :D :P
LooTe
Is Amber another SITARA in the making or what? :-)
Read the first few paras and loved the story-telling. A tad sleepy tonight - will try and read the rest soon I promise, because the story is worth the read. Will pop in.
Do keep it coming, Amber.
Sandhurst ji, tyasto nabhanoo hajur!
Amber, I have to say, I love your narration; in fact, have been fascinated time and again as to how you make setting and traditions a protagonist in your narration. Keep it up!
Amber ji,
Nice one. And I love the name "darpana".
Amber, "those carefully crafted words," were the truth. I felt I had to let you know that I've loved all your works (even though sometimes, you made me wait weeks to finish them) but this story just wasn't captivating enough compared to your other ones. Good work nevertheless and an FYI: I'd give my right thumb to be able to write as half as well as you do.
Lootekukur- Thanks for re-reading it.
SandhurstLahure/Sitara/Gidilat- Thanks.
Samsara- You are trying to be modest here. You are one genuine and honest critic.Amber admires you.
The feeling is mutual. Thanks!!
amber,
nice read. carefully orchestrated plot. what else can i say ...
So, Deewas is with Darpana; while Diwas is with Astha. did i get this right? or is it the other way round? no dyamn.. i thought they were two different people.. apparently, once again i am completely agape. world is such a deviant place.
but once again, that's what life is all about hola.. full of mystery and complex characters. one cannot admit and embrace what the heart really wants. but again what can i say. differs !!!
========================================================
any way what do i knoe (O:
[ makes perfect sense in this regard ]
forgot to mention.
keep writing. somehow i have a feeling that this is going to have another part to it (O:
Thapap- Thanks! The story is not " TO BE CONCLUDED" .
Awesome!!.. :-)
.....
That day she emerged from there into a different world, and adult world, where memories of the first love lingered, but summers always end.
summers always end :-)
ok .. this story is gonna be like this )O:
Amber..I do not have any words to describe the depth of your story. But I have a proposal for you. WILL YOU MARRY ME? I loved your storywriting so much that I wanna read it foreever. Lemme know.
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