LOLZ

NO OFFENCE PLEASE..........!! INTERNET WOMAN: It's not easy to get access to her. SERVER WOMAN: She's always busy when you need her. WINDOWS WOMAN: Everybody knows she can't do anything right, but nobody can live without her. AOL WOMAN: Nobody can stand her for more than half an hour. EXCEL WOMAN: They say she can do lots of things, but you only use her for the 4 basic operations. WORD WOMAN: She always has a surprise for you and there isn't anybody who really understands her. D.O.S. WOMAN: There was a time when everybody needed her, but nobody wants her now. BACKUP WOMAN: You think you have everything with her, but actually there is always something missing. SCANDISK WOMAN: She is good deep inside and she is only trying to help. But, actually nobody knows what she is really doing. SCREENSAVER WOMAN: She is useless, but you have fun with her. PAINTBRUSH WOMAN: Easy to use, but nobody gets satisfied. RAM WOMAN: She forgets everything as soon as she is unplugged. HARD DISK WOMAN: She always remembers everything. MOUSE WOMAN: She is useful only when she is pushed and dragged. MULTIMEDIA WOMAN: She makes everything look nice. JOYSTICK WOMAN: When you use her, you end with your hand sweating and your arm aches. MICROSOFT WOMAN: She wants to dominate every man she meets. She'll try to convince you she's the best for you. She schemes how to make you get in trouble with other women. She promises you that she'll do whatever you want if you throw your girl friends' telephone numbers away. Suddenly, she will be the only one in your life. There will come a time when you will need her approval before you can open the fridge or you can take your car keys. PASSWORD WOMAN: You think you're the only one who knows her, but actually everybody knows her. MP3 WOMAN: Everybody wants to have her. USER WOMAN: She does nothing right and she is always demanding more than she really needs. ANALYST-PROGRAMMER WOMAN: She is always cooking, she is always mending. CPU WOMAN: She has a great look outside, but she is empty inside. MONITOR WOMAN: She makes you see life in colourful ways. CD-ROM WOMAN: Everytime she is faster. CONSULTANT WOMAN: She tells you everything except what you want to know. E-MAIL WOMAN: When she talks, at least 8 things out of 10 are nonsenses. VIRUS WOMAN: (ALSO KNOWN AS WIFE) When you least expect, she gets into your life, she stays and takes control of all your belongings. If you try to get rid of her, you lose many resources. But, if you don't, then you may lose everything. Husband (A computer Professor) Husband (A computer Professor) returning late from work: Husband: "Hi dear. I'm logged in" Wife: Have you brought the grocery? Husband: Bad command or file name wife: But I told you in the morning ? Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel? Wife: What about my new TV ? Husband: Variable not found Wife: At least, give me your credit card. I need to do some shopping Husband: Sharing violation. Access denied Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you Husband: Data type mismatch Wife: You are useless Husband: By default Wife: What about your salary ? Husband: File in use. Try after some time Wife: Who was in the car this morning ? Husband: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to reboot Wife: Are you going to have some snacks ? Husband: File system full Wife: What is the relation between you and your receptionist ? Husband: only user with WRITE permission Wife: What is my value in this family ? Husband: Unknown virus Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you're being just funny ? Husband: Too many parameters ! Wife: I will go to my dad's house. Husband: This program has performed an illegal operation and will be terminated Wife: I'll leave you forever Husband: Close all programs and logout and then login as another user Wife: It's worthless talking to you Husband: Shutdown the computer Wife: I'm going Husband: It's now safe to turn off your computer

GERNAL KNOWLEDGE Question: 'Why is it that boys always ask for a girl's hand and never her foot?' Answer: 'Because on her hand she has gold rings, gold bangles and maybe a gold-plated watchs well, whereas on her feet all she has are high heeled shoes or sandals.'

3 chimps News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

At.... At 18 a lady is a football, 22 men after her. At 28 a lady is a Basketball, 10 men after her. At 38 a lady is a Golf ball, 1 man after her. At 48 a lady is a TT ball, 1 man pushing her to the other

You Might Be a College Student If... 1.If you have ever price shopped for Top Ramen 2.If you live in a house with three couches, none of which match 3.If you consider Macaroni & Cheese a balanced meal 4.If you have ever written a check for 45 cents 5. If you have a fine collection of domestic beer bottles 6. If you have ever seen two consecutive sunrises without sleeping 7. If your glass set is composed of McDonald's Extra Value Meal Plastic Cups (ie. Olympic Dream Team I or II) 8. If your underwear supply dictates the time between laundry loads 9. If you cannot remember when you last washed your car 10. If you can pack your worldly possesions into the back of a pick-up (one trip) 11. If you have ever had to justify yourself for buying Natural Light 12. If the first thing you do in the morning is roll over and introduce yourself 13. If your bed time is no longer 10:00 PM, but 3:00 AM 14. If you consider Pizza one of the four major food groups. 15. If you consider the other three to be beer, McDonalds, and candy.

Computer Professor ..... hahahhaa