New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies 1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 7 e-mail addresses. 2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife. 3. I resolve to work with neglected children?my own. 4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. 5. I resolve to back up my 10GB hard drive daily...well, once a week...okay, monthly then...or maybe... 6. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. 7. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I won't reply "MS Tech Support." 8. I will read the manual. 9. I will think of a password other than "password." 10. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning

Three Engineers Three engineers were driving a car down a country road; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsof engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests taking out the electronics parts off the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, as didnt knew much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"

good jokes like the MS eng.

BRITISH GENEROSITY A big quake with the strength of 8.4 on the Richter scale has hit Pakistan. Two million Pakistanis have died and over a million are injured. The country is totally ruined and the government doesn't know where to start with providing help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock. The United States is sending troops to help. Saudi Arabia is sending oil. Latin American countries are sending supplies. New Zealand is sending sheep, cattle and food crops. The rest of the European community (except France ) is sending money. The Asian continents are sending labour to assist in rebuilding The Brits, are sending two million replacement Pakistanis God Bless British generosity!! !

Behind every successful man (1) There is a surprised mother in law (2) There is a beautiful woman behind whom is a guy looking at her ass. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- For the physics people: Why did the chicken cross the road? Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side. Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast. Newton: 1) Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. 2) It was pushed on the road. 3) It was pushed on the road by another chicken, which went away from the road. 4) It was attracted to a chicken on the other side of the road. Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on this side of the road. Feynman: Why did the chicken cross the road? Answer: Surely you are joking, Mr. Feynman! Pascal Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: It was pressured to cross the road. Ohm: Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: There was more resistance on this side of the road. Volt Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: The other side had more potential. Archimedes: Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To actualize its potential. Hawking: Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: The first seconds made the universe in such a way that chickens cross the road. ARISTOTLE A1: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. A2: The other side of the road was its natural place. EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ For Chem People PhD | / | | \ / | PhD Para - Doc's (can draw ortho - doc's as well) HiHoAg hi ho silver!!! CH3- _ _ _ _ - CH3 / \/ \/ \/ | | | | | \ _/ \ _/ \ _/ \ _/ / \ / \ / \ / | | | | | CH3- \ _/ \ _/ \ _/ \ _/- CH3 Tetramethylchickenwire o o o H3C-CH2-CH2-O-/|\/|\/| | | | / \/ \/ A propyl people ether! Fe - Fe / Fe Fe \ / Fe - Fe Ferrous Wheel PhD | PhD / \ / | O | \ / Orthodox (ortho - Doc's) -------- MD I / | O | Metaphysicians \ /\ -------------- MD O O ---I---I-----O-C3H7 Propylpeople ether I I ------------------ /\ / / \ 4 | / | O |__4 \ / Metaphor (meta - 4) More benzene variations: chutes dice I guess this looks even better with | | pictures for the dice. / \ / | | | | \ / \ / | | chutes dice parachutes paradice O-R-NMe2 | | / \ / / \/ I O a 1-I-1-ORN-flying-propyl people ether | --|-- | / HO_ This should be a circle with --OH's radiating out. / | | \_/ Sun diol OH What is this: NaCl(aq) NaCl(aq) C C C C C C C Answer: (In a sing-song voice) "Saline, saline, over the seven C's" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Biology People: A biology professor was addressing his class, wanting to see if they'd read the assigned text. He asked Miss Smith to stand. She does. Professor: Miss Smith, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited? Miss Smith blushes and hesitates and giggles. Proessor: Miss Smith, please sit down. Miss Jones, please stand and tell me if you know what part of the human body increases ten times when excited. Miss Jones: Yes, Professor. It's the pupil of the eye. Professor: Very good. Thank you Miss Jones, you may sit down. Miss Smith, will you please stand again. (She does) I have three things to say to you. 1. You have not done your homework 2. You have a very dirty mind. 3. You're in for a big disappointment. Apparently one day there was a lab where all the students were learning how to identify various cells. As samples they were using tissue scraped from the inside of the mouth. One girl was having terrible difficulties figuring out what kind of cell she was seeing under her microscope--eventually she called over the teaching assistant to identify it. He came over, smirked, and exclaimed, loud enough for everyone to hear, "Oh wow! That's a sperm cell!" She was somewhat more careful after that experience.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Social Scientist: What does a Social Scientist say after BA degree? ==> Sir. Do you want fries with that? ;) no offense!

Sorry about the structures, they didnt work out perfectly :(