Telemarketer Repellant [ source: jokes.com]
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work, if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
Say "no" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog has the gout..."
If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
Ask them to repeat everything they say several times.
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .
When the salesperson asks, "Is this the homeowner?" say, "Is this the salesperson?" And when they say, "Yes," hang up.
last time a telemarketter of a calling card company who claimed to give me 4cents/min if i enroll with no membersip fee or annula fee except for a service charge, this is what i said:
-I have a cell phone for long distance.
=We offer free long distance if you enroll.
- I have ahome phone for the local calls.
=we have 3 cents per minute international calling.
-i talk with my folks over the msn messenger or yahoo.
=our service is moe convinient.
-but i tell them to call me back everynow and then, and besides i dont have time to call them.
=sir, we are very good service...blab blab blab..
-uh.hmm....um..hmm..yes...yes....
= and sir, blab blab blab....
-good.....right.....oh really.....!
=YES SIR !!!
-i dont want it.......(hanged up0
I have been getting at least two calls a day from telemarketers, several of them from India and a couple of them from within the country. I am tired of saying 'no', I usually hang up if I find out its them...