It's all in the punctuation:
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman: Without her, man is nothing."
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument
A husband and wife entered the dentist's room. He said, "I want a tooth pulled. We are in a hurry - so no Novocain or gas. Just pull the tooth out."
" You are a brave man,â€ said the dentist. "Now show me the tooth"
"Open your mouth,â€ said the man to his wife and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! --
knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on
the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the
little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without
saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the
bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
There are three kinds of sex:
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SeX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FCK YOU"
RESTROOMS: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restroom will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, 'Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?'
If you don't succeed, redefine success.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
Why does my brain starts working as soon as i wake up and stops as soon as i reach the office.
For want of a nail,
the shoe was lost;
For want of a shoe,
the horse was lost;
For want of a horse,
the rider was lost;
For want of a rider,
the battle was lost;
For want of a battle,
the kindgdom was lost;
â€” Benjamin Franklin (1706-90) in "Poor Richard's Almanack," June 1758, The Complete Poor Richard Almanacks, facsimile ed., vol. 2, pp. 375, 377 (1970)
â€œIt is much easier to make measurements than to know exactly what you are measuring.â€ â€”J. W. N. Sullivan (1928)