Last year January, when I walked out of my then relationship, I thought I would cry and create a drama for myself. But to my own utter surprise, I felt elevated and lighter at heart. It was an end of a bitter sweet ( to be honest, digustingly bitter at the end) chapter of my life. At the same time it is another beginning of yet another chapter which needed to be explored. Did I miss him? No, I didn't. I was a lot more happier being alone.

Again, being alone can get tricky at times. I have seen a lot of times, people coming out of a bad relationship and getting into a worse one. I call it “ Coming out of crap, and getting yourself into shit”. I was somewhere ready for it but I told myself, I will not under any circumstances will be unfair to myself this time around. So where did this word “ unfair” come from in this context? When you go beyond your capacity of tolerating the shit, the other person gives you and you are miserable but still you hang on to it, that act is called being unfair to yourself. Being so head strong, I have been unfair to myself in the past. I don't want to make that same mistake again. Now, it will not be a mistake but a choice I will make.

Coming back to my singlehood. Do I want to get into a relationship right away? OH hell yea!!! Am I ready? I dont know. My friends wanted me to go out with their friends who are single. My family members were trying to hook me up with a guy. Some people were bullying me that I should get married before I lose the left over charm I got on my face and body. And I was just giving myself time, to decide what do I want to do with my life.
A bad relationship scares you to your cores to hop on to another one. You become cynical about the outcomes and the sour experiences you have to go through. I saw people getting married, falling in and out of love, committing to each other. That made me ponder, why cant people get into a committed relationship with self first and then maybe venture out. So in March, the same year, I put on a ring on my ring finger and committed to myself, to love, to be fair, to take care of myself as a person I love and how much affection I want to show to him/ her. This week, it has been one and a half year of my commitment. I celebrate my anniversary of putting myself as a priority, as “my first priority”. Over 365 days of loving myself had actually feels good. That, even if I feel bad, when things dont go the way I want, I know I have the strong me holding my hands and saying “it is ok, we will work it out together”.
I have survived an earthquake, uncountable aftershocks, 2 major operations (in one, I nearly became LATE), numerous failed plans, some heartaches, some disappointments, couple of back stabs and severe mood swings (thanks to my 2 operations which pretty much made me a mad woman). I look back and I say woah! That is an eventful, joyride u had. I remember, giving up after my second operation, because I thought I will be like most of the people I have seen after an operation, how fragile they become and vulnerable to everything. But I look at myself and say, I did pretty good. Now, I look at the untanned skin below my ring and say I love myself more. I am addicted to pampering myself more. I have become, I wont say selfish but, I am my biggest priority. People have asked me you have changed, you look more beautiful. DUH! I have always been beautiful, but it is exactly like being in love for the first time and having that glow and spark on your personality. Love and respect yourself and the world will fall for it. Right now when I go on a date, I dont worry if that guy is liking me or not, coz I know there is someone who already likes and adores me the most. Like Jerry Mcguire said “you complete me”, I say, “I complete myself”. That does not mean I want to be isolated but it means I am ready to go out and love someone, if it doesnt work, well I am committed to myself anyway!

(I have taken the ring off now since I am so habitual to loving and taking care of myself that I dont need a reminder. )