They ask me gazillions of times, why do I love him so much. I don’t have an answer. How do I explain Love when I, myself am exploring it every day. What I think of it yesterday doesn’t work today and what I am thinking for tomorrow right now,will surely not work.

I can’t say I love him because he has ravishing good looks because honestly girls won’t even turn their head when he passes by. He is just another guy, an average Joe. But Joe is extremely intelligent and smart. I love the fact that he beats me with his knowledge. His deep knowledge of subjects has always extended the hours of our conversations.

The question still lingers, why do I love him so much? Yea I ask that to myself too many a times, why him and no one else. I still have a clear picture of our first date coz he made me wait for an hour. And how stupid of me to wait, just to tell him that I am leaving coz he made me wait. Ever since, I developed the habit to wait for him.

He is the only person I wait for hours.  He is the only person I endure healthy bullying from. If it was someone else, I probably would have bashed the shit out of that person but not him. I feel he doesn’t mean any harm. When he brushes his arms against mine when we are in a group, I feel safe. I feel he is around for me. He takes care of me. He let me cry in his arms when I am hurt. I ever blow my nose on his tee shirt and he doesn’t say a word. He fixes me eyeliner when it is smudged. He says I look beautiful when I know I look like an emotional wreck.

No I never cried to blackmail him. I don’t cry until it hurts a lot. Until it pinches the core of my heart. And he knows it very well. I love him because, I have never felt good loving anyone so much. I feel good when I see that smile on his face, the happy face. When I suggest him and it works for him, the smell of success, oh how much I enjoy it. The clinching of togetherness when things go wrong. The superiority feeling when I know I am his strength of life.

We have shared ice cream to business ideas. We have cried over a movie to a death in a family. We have failed and again held each other together at difficult times. Isn’t it all what love is all about? Do we need to buy expensive gifts to show love? Do we need to kiss every time to show our care? Is it enough to have each other to live and survive? Will he let go of my hands ever?

After exactly five years, nine month and nineteen days since we met, I am getting married. I loved him all this while and at the end he couldn’t hold my hand. I am getting married to someone I don’t know. I haven’t felt the brushing of his arms, I don’t know how he will treat me in bed, I don’t know if he will let me blow my nose on his tee shirt but all I know is at the end I have loved someone dearly. Wholeheartedly. It just didn’t end the way I wished it to end. Now I must look at the new beginning. Will I be a good lover again????