what a brilliant piece. Hats off to you behoove.
haha behoove broda. I was just pulling some legs ( u know nepali baani, k garne jati gare pani jandaina. ;-)). It is great to see you guys writing here in sajha. I am now hoping for Sitara, Oys_Chill, Lekhak, Deep and Jeera to make some comebacks, you know just for old times sake. :-)
Great storytelling. Havent read much of you, and dont know if this is your best yet (as others may have pointed out) but I will certainly be looking to read more from you.
You've got that ability to catch people's attention. Like the "xxxxxxxxxxxx" to show that the plot changed, like words to garner sudden interest (e.g. a person from Nepal listening to Tom Waits) and increase the cool factor by x, plots to target a specific case that will get people criticising and in essence talking about it. You are a rockstar in writing and if it were to get to box-office you would achieve it.
Also you use a lot of quotes. The way I read such stories is read it out loud. Feels lively, and yes sometimes some dialogues will seem pretentious and some sentences will seem clumsy, but that is the beauty of writing meant for oral presentation.
You deserve a like, and Gluck for the winning. More so, please write often.
Sajhappl,
Thank you. I am honored. I shall keep visiting sajha as long as time (and mood) allows :)
Juggy,
I knew you were. As far as writers from yesteryears are concerned. I am apprehensive about Sitara and Oys_chill, it seems that they have permanently bid sajha goodbye. I believe Sitara is writing for a bigger audience these days, although google seaches came out futile. Deep, Jeera and Lekhak might still make a comeback, I read from them not very long ago.
Sleepless,
Great feedback, thank you. I have realized over the years it is all about managing the control of how you write. Readers here demand a quick read, we all lack patience of reading an epic and I try my best to shorten my stories without missing out details. I am not sure how successful I am, but at all times I wish I could write like few other writers here.
Bachata,
Many many thanks. :)
i read it all in one breath.You were born to write, my friend.
Great story.
Just wondering if majority of males are slower than they are supposed to be in the bid to wear this mask of being a gentleman. Been in a similar situation once..
Alche,
Thank you. I am not sure if I were born to write or else I would be raking them moolah, haha, but I have been trying, hopefully I will be better one of these years.
Gwach,
Appreciate that. And you have raised a valid question about inability of men to 'score' during such situation. See, I believe the integrity of man varies with the degree of libertinism in women, and vice versa (although women are found to be far less promiscuous than men, no data to support this, but I am sure someone has proved it empirically).
There are three types of men, the good, the bad and the NAS (I am not sure if you heard of him, but he was an interesting character in sajha not too long ago). Good men will never score with good women unless allowed. Bad men will always think about scoring and jump headlong if they find such women vulnerable. People like Nas would think about scoring even with mother Teresa and might even do so.
Therefore it all depends on types of men in general and what types of women they are with. However, the fact is - all men want to score one time or the other (no brainer there). :)
How the heck do you do this??? Smooth....
Duderino,
Appreciate that. I attribute it all to brevity if anything, but it is not flawless by any means.
Bhakte dai,
Thank you very much.
The best in the lot, by far!
I tell you, beehoobhe, DO it when you could have! Just do it! "Nike" it!
Poontedai,
When stalwarts like you comment on my thread, I get overwhelmed with gratification. And following your advice, I will NIKE it next time when such opportunities present. If people have started forgiving Paras, anything I do should be condoned :)
WOW Behoove Ji !! Absolute a masterpiece I must say...... Always Loved your way of narrating and story telling.... it just grips you till the end.....
<< I could see people, lots of people, everyone carrying their share of sob stories, their miseries and their despairs, maybe they all need to break away and escape for a while, >> --- I've had this same thought so many times...and wondered and wished I could hear the stories behind those faces....
- TC
WoW!
Behoove Ji! its a classic and so real and you have interpreted so excellently ! swear on god it deserves place on "modern love" nytimes. please wish you submit!
p.s. we need more:)
It was difficult to understand many words and complicated literature with my small knowledge. But, I finished and understood most of it with the help of a dictionary.
Nice story. Very interesting to read. In the beginning, I thought you referred 'vanilla' to a white girl like we do in the south. Great writing, congrats!
Thane,
Thank you so much. I am glad you liked it, I was aware that you had recently visited Nepal, had fun?
Urban_Khasi,
I am overwhelmed by your compliment, but don't you think that was a little far fetched? Haha. I lack the consistency as a writer, most of my stories are born out of eccentricity and mood swings, so I do not know if I would qualify to write for republica, let alone NY times. But again, I am immensely gratified that you bestowed me with such an honor.
Furke,
Your comment made me smile. When I read it, I was wondering if it was a hidden scarcasm, backhanded compliment, or simply pure honesty, but it made me laugh nonetheless considering the way you commented. I have tried to refrain from using esoteric words in my writings, but then some words need to be put that way without any alternate synonyms. Also, there is a thin line between simplicity and classlessness, if I tend to use overly simplified words, my integrity as a writer will be compromised (Just kidding, I am not a writer of any sorts).
But thank you for your kind words, I shall try to write as simply as possible moving forward. :)
@behoove_me,
Again, I had to use dictionary to see what esoteric and backhanded compliment means.
I understand as a writer your story stands out and becomes more classy with the use of such words of literature. I didn't mean that you use simple words instead of esoteric , I just said I had to use dictionary few times which is ok because it expanded my vocabulary. I meant no sarcasm, nor compliment as insult. I just wanted to say, it was a great writing and I wanted to finish it reading even though i had to use dictionary; which i normally don't do (If i don't understand, I skip); because it was very interesting to read and much like a real one (non-fictious).
Keep writing. You have that quality to start writing a column in some newspapers. Cheers!!
Great read as always.You sould start writing for some famous newspapers.
Furke,
Thank you again. I am honored. Also, I realized that I didn't reply to your question about the term 'vanilla' in your previous reply. Vanilla, in this context means, something very mundane, very conventional or something that lacks flavor or excitement (more like a vanilla icecream). I find the title aptly fitting in this story because after few months of romantic escapade, the protagonist's life suddenly returns to normal.
Edipre,
Thank you very much. I will continue writing in sajha for a long time before that happens (if ever). :)
My immediate reaction is - what a time worth read!
Please log in to reply to this post
You can also log in using your Facebook
