| Username |
Post |
| Cecil |
Posted
on 20-Jun-04 12:22 PM
If you were to choose between an arrange marriage and a love marriage which one would you perefer and why? Are you married? Was it arraged or love? If it was an arrange marriage, did your family find the bride or groom you always wanted or was it a family pressure?
Please share us your thoughts and opinons.
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| babaal |
Posted
on 20-Jun-04 09:40 PM
* Are those not options?
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| babaal |
Posted
on 20-Jun-04 09:40 PM
What about 'bhagayera laane/poila/joila jaane? Are those options?
;)
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| bhole_babaji |
Posted
on 20-Jun-04 10:05 PM
arranged marriage has more chances of being accepted by the family . but you won't know a lot about your life partner before you get married. so be prepared for some surprises if you plan to do the arranged marriage.
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| monika |
Posted
on 20-Jun-04 11:19 PM
to each his own !!!:P
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| dananah |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 07:11 AM
hmmm can i have a lop marriage....arranged in heaven ;)...hehehe
cos i think i will be having one in not that distance future hehe...:P
ok dun u all get jealous of me luck..(i dunno why me so lucky too..though i dun deserve such luck..hehe..:P)..me too wish u all be as lucky or more..lucky than me..:D
topahni...!!!khoiley biye?? hehe :P
mwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!
(think im gonna be beaten or maybe u know..mero naam or nishan this dharti sey deleted hehe..dun be surprised if u all never see me again here hai ..most prob me will be with me topahni..then in her arms ni ;)...hehe..:P)
cheers...:D
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| cool_keta |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 07:16 AM
ke garnu saathi, KT patye po love maariage. AAfu ta paryo bhikari so i guess arraenge.
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| Cecil |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 08:00 AM
Thank you all.
Well, poila jane counts as a love marriage, doesn't it? That would be the case if the poila jane ko family or the lane ko family doesn't accept the union. We have seen this happen, especially because of the caste differences or dowry greed.
Absolutely, there will be some surprises. And it will be on both sides. But after all, it's a surprise. Since you made a commitment to your partner and your family, you are likely to work together and get the best out of it.
Congratulations Dananah! let us know about that big day. And of course, keep posting how all that goes.
cool_keta: You are ready but your partner is not. Have patients! She too, is wondering about you. Possibly, she might be not near you. When that day comes, miracle will happen. Have you heard the stories how they met their parteners?
Lets hear more!
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| ENNA_501 |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 08:16 AM
Here is my opinion :)
1. Ill choose love marriage. Well abviously im not a nepali. Our culture here in Phil wasnt like that now. I can say arrange marriage exist in my grand parents grand parents in 18-19th cent (flashback :). But even if, i rather choose love marriage. Simply because i do whats make me happy. Though some choose it for practical reason. i still believe in the power of love. It can conquer mountains :) But i got notting against arrange marriage. ohh well thats just me.
2. Not yet married but found love
3. Not applicable (my parents give me the freedom to choose whom i want and support me whenever i got failed relationship or decision)
4. No family pressure
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| ordinaryboy |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 09:39 AM
I definitely will go for love marriage. Its because i think love will attract two souls. Arrange marriage will definitely attract two bodies, no question about that. But what about the long term? There has to be attraction between the souls too. I'm not saying that there cant be a chance of two souls getting together after their body get together but first i want to make sure if my soul likes the soul my girl before i decide to spend my life with her.
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| dananah |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 11:01 AM
Cecil ..
thanks...:D..but i do wish i knew when that auspicious day will be..or will it ever be hehe..(me was just dreaming as usual ni ;)...if its gonna be real or not..that well only mero topahni ..domi can tell u...tell us..:D...)
hmmm maybe i should go for the arranged marriage thingy...(get me parents to send the rista to that topahnis family hehehe...la how am i to tell me parents...err any ideas?? mero buwa..well...very strict ni ;)..me always nearly sh*t me pants when i hear his name..:P)
caste ko laat maroooo!!!!:D
cheers..:D
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| amorous |
Posted
on 21-Jun-04 09:59 PM
LOVE LOVE LOVE ... Marriage without love is eating dal bhaat without salt !!
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| ru |
Posted
on 22-Jun-04 12:35 AM
exactly: while salt definitely makes the meal spicy, in the long run, w/o salt there are low chances of suffering from high blood pressure.
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| Poonte |
Posted
on 22-Jun-04 11:31 AM
It's a matter of personal choice.
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| confused |
Posted
on 22-Jun-04 09:22 PM
arrange Marriage has far more chance of happily lasting than love marriage..
why?? if you do a arrange marriage, you will spend ur first two yrs happily by just trying to knwo eachother before starting any MAHABHARAT ...but if you commit love marriage...its certain that next day of ur marriage is ur first day of on going never ending.. MAHABHARAT :)
so think and decide b4 chosing any of those :P...
have a gf, love her, respect her, dont cheat on her, finished ..dont need to get married
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| icedmocha |
Posted
on 22-Jun-04 11:01 PM
umm ENNA..wut do u mean obvously u're not a nepali..jus becoz u're choosing luv marriage over arrange marriage?? and what are u tryna say wiht that flashback comment..that nepal is stuck in the past?? i hab one word...WOW!!!!!! wait i lied..here comes another one..LOSER!!
Lemme move on from that...
I definitely am all FOR love marriage.. i'm real hesistant, scareed, w/e u wanan say bout arranged marriage..i kno it lasts longer but that bcoz neither has the choice to leave. i honestly belive that if people who get forced into arrange marraiges had a choice of divorce or any other form of separtion witout havin to face the soecietal dramas they would go for it... I jus think arrange marriages are mainly based on compromises, samjhotas, and very little on luv..n i'm not talkin bout mother daughter, manche-manche luv..i'm tlakin bout being in luv..u kno dat kinda emotional/romantic luv stuff.. but hey dats jus me..and as long as there is me..noone i kno is gonna end up getin arranged marraige..no way no way... coz u kno why... well its jsu more romantic to fall in luv and get married then to get arranged and to get used to the person... but hey..dats jus me
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| nescient |
Posted
on 22-Jun-04 11:36 PM
To begin with marriage is just a contract.Whether you love the person before or after the marriage, he/she is still the same person.Just spend rest of your life with someone with whom you want to spend it with.Someone you are in love with.And being in a relationship is all about compromising and sacrificing (but the million dollar question is to what extend?).
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| dananah |
Posted
on 23-Jun-04 02:43 AM
kayho yo!!!
marriage ko topic ma pani jhagada!!! esto tension nadeu nah :S..alik marriage garney mood out of the blue ahyeko thio..malai daar na lagauna...kasto daar lakdo daar lakdo kura bhanchow marriage ko bari mah..:S..marriage garney mood off hunu ahtio..:S..
nescient ley ta jhan marriage lai contract rey??:S
i mean looking at it in a diff prespective guess it is..but still..chyaa!!....
what if the other person doesnt wanna spend their life with u?(me :S)
i cant imagine meself trying to force meself to lop me budi..if she isnt topahni..:S...but seems like thats what is gonna happen to me life story..:S...(urghh dun wanna think about the future..present kasto ramro chha...future lai laat marooo!!! :D )..
Quote nescient : "And being in a relationship is all about compromising and sacrificing (but the million dollar question is to what extend?)"
unquote
ma chai life end huney saaman ready ni ;)..compromise..always ni..;) except euta dueta sensitive kura mah...(errr everything is sensitive to me..hehe)
Sunis!!!TOPAHNI!!!!next time dun say i lied..when MAHABHARAAT!! bhoying in the house!!! anyways after mahabharat...only hugging and mwaah hai la.. ;)...
topahni!!!..Mwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!
..sacrifice?? errr i got nothing to valuable to sacrifice so this is NA in me case ;).. no sacrificing from me..:D...i mean if topahni wants me to then i will ;)....i will cut some khasee.. chicken ..duck..sunggur... bonggur..etc time to time for her ni ;)...mero khukuri chai always on red alert..standby mode mah..only for her..;)...
topahni!!! la impressed bhoyis??la date set garum ;)...(dun need to marry now ni..just set the date..;)..doesnt matter if 10yrs ki 100yrs later ;)..)..chito!!! nabha...ppl will type more here and freak me out on this marriage thingy!!!
oops i better go..me BS making less and less sense these days(did it ever?? hehe :P)
kay garney topahni not around...chance ma dance dinu paryo ni ;)..cos when she is back..she will make me go chuup....i mean now i can say anything i want..she chuup..silent means she is sharmiling in one corner..and well..agreeable hoina??WAH!! if only that was the true.:S...she will be sharmiling in one corner..but urghh agreeable ..hehe thio chai arko kura ho..:S...
anyways machai dherai bhak bhaking gario...ignore all this...me only type for me topahni..kay garney cant stop u all from reading hoina??if me had option.. wouldnt wanna waste others time ni..kay garney..world ni unfair.. (kina bhaney world chai malai matrai fair bhoyeko chha hehe)
have fun...ani marriage ko good good points bhana nah ;)..maybe topahni will then think good of marriage and well u know ma sannga will take her chance ki??hehe
topahni!!!
mwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!:D
cheers..:D
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| honeybuzz |
Posted
on 23-Jun-04 04:20 AM
I will definitely go for arrange marriage.What is love and how do you know when you have found it?Is there anything called true love thesedays?oh yes just in books and movies. anyway good luck everyone.
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| Nattu |
Posted
on 23-Jun-04 07:03 AM
Hands down LOVE MARRIAGE. I know most of you will be shocked to hear this from me (especially from me) but true love does exist. Honeybuzz, you are mixing up LOVE with CONVENIENCE. You can't say you don't believe in true love, just because it is not convenient for you. You have to keep LOVE away and ABOVE all those things and then you'll find true love. Trust me, falling in love is the best feeling you'll ever experience in your life. There is nothing like it. It is fun :-)
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| ENNA_501 |
Posted
on 23-Jun-04 07:51 AM
EXCUSE ME SIR/MADAM! (icedmocha)
(Umm ENNA..wut do u mean "obvously u're not a nepali..jus becoz u're choosing luv marriage over arrange marriage)
Well technically speaking Sir/Madam. Im a fil, Im just explaing my side on how our own culture affect my judgement. So all my opinion are based on what my culture has brought me to be like this. That's what i wanted to say. I got notting against nepal or its people. Or beter yet please try to ask your self why i come up to such word. So im choosing love marriage based on our own. Please read between the lines before judging somebody :(
"What are you tryna say with that flashback comment...that nepal is stuck in the past???"
Excuse me again Sir/Madam... but when i say "flashback" on my sentences. Im pertaining to our homeland PHil. As ive mentioned before it got notting to do with nepali coz i dono ANYTHING about ur culture or whatever. My judgement is all based on what i know.
Im choosing love over arrange marriage because thats what i believe in. Im not here to judge nepal or other people thing. Rather im trying to know more about your culture thats why i keep participating in this kind of forum. And hoping that i can share some inputs too..One thing more i never even say that nepal is stuck in the past, if thats what u feel. My apology if your logical thingking was focusing on other aspect of life. But to tell you frankly i never ever meant to give such impression.
I think we are in same boat "love marriage" right? I must agree on the above words you say regarding "being in luv..u know dat kinda emotional/romantic luv stuff"
Then again your entitled to ur own opinion, but pls never ever judge somebody and saying FOUL words like "LOSER" :(
Peace
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| IcedMocha |
Posted
on 23-Jun-04 08:01 PM
aww.there there..my bad...didnt think u were gonna get all sentimental on me.. :( i had my reasons n u had yours to say w/e that is we said..anyways..we are on the same boat... arrange marriage is scurryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...............
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| 4y5h3 |
Posted
on 23-Jun-04 09:05 PM
If i was asked whether i 'd choose love or arranged marriage.....a few years ago...i'd have definitely chosen love marriage.....just coz...i was in "love"....obviously...it didn't wrk out...now i'm just a bitter person who doesn't believe in love.....Arranged marriage jindabad...plus now i believe that marrige is the best way to fall in love. mocha i don't agree with what u said about how one of the reasons arranged marrianges lasts i b/c they're forcrd to stay married and they have no way out...or no other choice.....we're in the 21st century gurlll.....there are so many options....ppl can get divorced....they can live seperately... Also....these days it's not totally arranged i mean u can meet someone and get to know them b4 u get married...it's not like bak then when the first time u see ur spoude is the night of ur wedding....just b/c some ppl are in love doesn't necessarily mean everyone has to fall in love b4 they get married...hey it could happen afterwards....
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| sukuti |
Posted
on 24-Jun-04 06:38 AM
People who do not get girls or guys in their lives go for arranged marriage. It is that simple.
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| 4y5h3 |
Posted
on 24-Jun-04 03:05 PM
i don't think it's as simple as that..what if u do have a guy/girl...they could also be forced into arranged marriages because of certain circumstances....i think everyone wants to fall in love and have a fairy tale story but...in reality very few fairy tales come tru...it's not because someone can't get a guy/girl....they jus can't seem to get the right one....and maybe out of this frustration they opt for arranged marriages...
hhhmmmm....did u eva notice that most fairy tales usually end as soon as the "Pince and Princess" get married?....happily eva after..... my foot......j/k
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| south |
Posted
on 24-Jun-04 04:50 PM
in my point of view there is not much difference between love and arrange marriage. whenever people talk about arrange marriage, they generally says 18th century or old fashion. well most of the marriage of our parents generation were love marriage and i am very sure even now the percentage of arrange marriage in nepal is well above 70%. it is not easy to say which is better in case of our society. if someone lives in usa/uk/aus or other western european countries for long time, then their kids may not be able to understand the meaning of arrange marriage and hence for them love marraige might be better.
ok, why i think it is not much difference. i do have girl friend. how i loved her for the first time? well i see her, i like her look and i like her behaviour too. so basic thing here is i like something about her and then loved her, and we still are in love. similarly, in arrange maarriage case, a guy or a girl will get picture of girls and guys respectively. the pictures thus shown to guy/girl are generally preselected from parents, that means selected in terms of caste, status, education, jobs, family background. that means they already had a lot of information about the candidate. then they will meet and if both of htem like each other after couple of meeting they will agree, otherwise they can have other options. in love marraige case too, you know person, spend sometime and get settled, and in arange too you know person for sometime and get settled and love each other. i was really amazed how people love and respect each other right after marraige. i guess there is some kinda bond , unseen bond and love there.
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| Cecil |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 11:53 AM
Have we already finished our discussion over the two types of marriages? To me, it hasn't. Much of the attention in the last few days have been drawn by the filthy comment made by Sonica_NY. To me, enough was said against her. Now lets again draw our attention to our good-old discussion of marriage. It would be nice to hear from those who are already married either by love or by arrange.
This was the original startup:
"If you were to choose between an arrange marriage and a love marriage which one would you perefer and why? Are you married? Was it arraged or love? If it was an arrange marriage, did your family find the bride or groom you always wanted or was it a family pressure?
Please share us your thoughts and opinons."
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| tobe |
Posted
on 27-Jun-04 09:11 PM
Itýs interesting, the topic of marriage gets eternally discussed with full zest by men and women alikeý Which makes me ask: Are we marriage obsessed? And if so, why?
We are looking at the two as clearly separate ways of marrying. Love- we see as an agent that miraculously oozes out between two people that bonds them together to that most of the time, leads them to tie the knot without anyoneýs (parentsý) intervention. Let me add, the agent weýre talking about is LOVE, which is invisible, and that disturbs a lot of people. On the other hand Agent Arranged comes in a more corporeal form- matchmaker, relatives, parents, and even dating services! Both act as an agent to bring two (may I say: poor?) souls together. Am sure weýve also heard of the merger of the two agents- namely ýLovarrangedý marriages? And of course, it wouldnýt be wrong to say that parentsý are and have been praying very hard for the ýArrangedloveý marriages to work.
Now in Love marriage, interestingly, the only thing involved is not JUST love. Somehow the image of LOVE marriage inherited through our culture is that of a marriage against the parentsý wishes, that involves marrying outside of oneýs own caste or crew. So Love marriage also implies taboo breaking- and perhaps on the flip side, considered by some as Heroic. But letýs ask ourselves- does marrying arranged make one UN-heroic? Or un-adventurous? Additionally, is this what this thread actually is ABOUT?
Let me take the liberty to equate marriage to a roller coaster ride (w/o the safety gear) regardless of how you start. The way I see it,: if youýre both hanging in there with some ruffled hair and twisted face- side by side, by the end of the ride ý bravo! miraculous! And totally blessed! If notý no one disagrees that the ride is rough (to say the least). I say those whoýve gotten married- and are getting married are warriors, only they get to wear prettier dresses for the combat ;-}
Anywaysý itýs quite something for two people to commit for a lifetime and hopefully, at the celebration, we are there gorging and gulping for those who are starting on a journey with a sincere intention to make it work for a long time.
Lucky people find LOVE of their lives, so yes, ARRANGE a goddamn fabulous celebration party for the rest of the not-so-fortunates!! You owe to ýem.
So Have a Happy wedding or a happily wedded-rest-of the day!
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| IcedMocha |
Posted
on 28-Jun-04 08:39 PM
hmph. 42k9 or some name like dat.. while i udnerstand what u're saying.. i'll have u kno that for as long as i'm alive u will not take that " marriage is the best way to fall in love" route. BEcoz i will make it my mission to make sure that u are in luv before u get married.. i'm sure u're gonna argue and i'll lsiten ..but still.. i will make sure that u will not get married in a hope of fallin in luve.. but hey..u can sit there and disagree.. u'll jus end up sound like our didi who said she didnt want to dance and said it like she had a say in it..u knowut i'm takin bout.. so yea.. arrange marriage murdabad..and scrurryryyyy concept..
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| Rekha |
Posted
on 28-Jun-04 11:41 PM
I'm totally in love with my boyfriends and everyone knows that so no doubt it's going to be love Marrige................. Peace Out..................
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| 4y5h3 |
Posted
on 29-Jun-04 08:36 AM
ICED MOCHA,
WOW ur mission re lolzzzzzzzzzzz....lemmme put it in simple terms......U CANNOT MAKE ME FALL IN LOVE.....I mean WOW...how u gonna make me do something that no one has control ova...i'm not saying that i won't fall in love or i don't want to...maybe i'm not meant to fall in love with some 1 B4 i get married to them.....who knows.....what if i fall in love after i get married? .....to someone elsee....hehehe.....As for our dd who didn't wanna dance...that's a completely diff situation...don't even compare it to that.....by the way fishy has been biting my bait.......
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| An Indun Poet |
Posted
on 29-Jun-04 10:44 AM
A friend of mine said theirs was a love marriage.
"she was in LOVE with another guy but our parents arranged Marriage for us"
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| momo_cha |
Posted
on 29-Jun-04 01:24 PM
I am a 22 year old and have been seeing my girlfriend for almost 6 years. We started going out when I was 16 and don't think our relationship will ever end . Past 6 years have been like 6months, don't know where they went. We have had our share of yeahs and nays but at the end of the day, we both feel/know that we wouldn't be able to live without eachother. We are planning to get married after I am done with my schooling and she is done with hers. I guess if you are marrying while in love, you get a head start on collaborating on your future plans. You know like, where to live, what kinda house to buy, cars, etc., and when everything is ready, then start your life together and really be able to communicate because you have known that person for so long. I mean there will be no surprises as to how turned off you get when you feel her morning breath waking up the first day right after you get married, or finding out she doesn't like shaving her armpits for some odd reason, etc.
I don't know, maybe it would be fun to figure out many different things about eachother after marrying arrenged. What if you figure you don't like the other person's guts and hate that he has a third nipple, etc. I mean who would you go to, what would you do? What if you find out that he is a violent wife beater? I know of various cases that has happened, especially in arranged marriages. And, I know Nepali's dictionary doesn't have the word "divorce" in it, but is emerging nowadays I guess. Just a thought from a boy who is crazily, head overly, etc.ily in love.
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| Dominatrix |
Posted
on 29-Jun-04 04:16 PM
Wow!
Heart warming to hear that Rekha n Momo_cha's (anyone elses) are in love..(not with each othr!!) They found their soulmates..n have been devoted to their partners so far n forevr...it's like a fairytale which kinda gives hope to those who have been hurt n well, lost faith in relationships n love... nice one Rez..Momo...
I fall into that category of well....kinda like 4y5h3 ( u need to post in the username thread mate!) I lost me faith in all that stuff..due to erm..how shall i describe it....'sH*tTy' experience....but well, nice 2 see othrs happily in love... maybe sum1 is round the corner to help us believ again.. eh 4y5h3? Maybe..just maybe....gotta keep some kind of optimism rite....otherwise living bitterly will mess u up rite...
Im not gona choose neithr arranged or love. so i guess im the one who breaks the norm here..cz wel, truthfully, i dont wana get 'married' ...there is reason why i dont..mayb il explain latr....
Laterz folks....
Domi
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| netaa_ji |
Posted
on 29-Jun-04 05:29 PM
Well, I dont have much to say if people choose to have an arranged marriage or a love marriage because I guess rather than making it a generalized idea it would be great if someone makes decisions on case by case basis. I'm open to to both the options and I have seen some great things as well as not so great things about both the options.
In the past few years I had the wonderful opportunity of having some amazing and great experience of falling in love and have sweet relationships with very different persons having starkly differntly personalities belonging to very different cultural and religious backgrounds from very different parts of world. None of those experiences materialized into marriage simply because the time and circumstance were not right to make such decisions for me however I will remember those great times and smile later in life with great feelings.
Now I'm 24 and by now one thing I got very confident about is that I'm compatable with wide range of prospective girls however the downside is that for me the same quality in me may play out to be the greatest demerit for me because I tended to me moved by my heart rather than my mind. I later found that it might not be the best time and situation to make a decision to get married after falling in for someone because in those situations I tended not to make a proper judgement on life long decisions based on my priorities and goals in my life. If I find a really great person and her priorities and goals are more consistant with mine I certainly dont wanna miss one more great experience. If not we as Nepalese always have a great option of arranged marriage which the westerners dont have. After all if I hit and miss the first options the second options will be a sure shot since I still can fall in love after getting married to someone.
Basically we fall in love after meeting some right ? It is very possible to fall in love after meeting and getting married to someone.
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| IcedMocha |
Posted
on 29-Jun-04 06:45 PM
NO NO NO 4231 w/e.. NOOOOOOOO.. u will FALL in love with a guy BEFOREEE you get married..now will u stop responding to my post..seesh..coz u kno that's gonna happen so stoppp responding to my post dammit..:D
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| netaa_ji |
Posted
on 30-Jun-04 03:30 PM
duhh
|
