| Sajha.com Archives | |
| Username | Post |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 24-Feb-04 03:34 PM
Sajha Gazal ko Badhi ma bhyaguta haru sangai pakho lageko Euta Maccho... |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 24-Feb-04 03:36 PM
. 
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| nsshrestha | Posted
on 24-Feb-04 03:37 PM
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| Nepe | Posted
on 25-Feb-04 11:50 AM
nsshrestha ji, Welcome to the ghazal lover's club in Sajha. Thank you for posting those ghazals. I was vaguely remembering Moti's ghazal I had read years ago. Nepalikavita.com has started a commendable job of compiling Nepali kavita. Moti's ghazal is a classic in every sense of the word. Rokka's poem better be called a ghazaloid than a ghazal proper. By the way, among ghazal hastis from Nepal, Gyanuwakar and Lalijan Rawal's works are missing in the collection of nepalikavita.com. However, there is an awesome ghazal by Bund Rana. For students of ghazal, here is a sample of a flawless and extremely powerful ghazal by a master of Nepali ghazal, Bund Rana. Note that, there is no radif in the ghazal. It is a gair-muraddaf ghazal. Bund has exploited the freedom such shceme of ghazal offers to create a large number of telling shers . Dakaarera machhalaai dosh dinchha gohi jhukkyaaera peta bhitra pasechha haraami stunning !!!! a"Fb /fgf uhn ufO{ afv|fx?dfly v'gL k~hf 8fdL . x]/ cfh lrt'jfn] cf]9\ of] /fdgfdL .. hnyn rg]{ Eofu'tfsf] pbL{ xf] of]– …u8\ of}Fnfn] lxF8g' x'Gg df6f] 5fdL–5fdL ..Ú …7"nf7fn'x?nfO{ k'Hg' k5{Ú eGb} . e'b|'ªn] r9fpF5 lu4df ;nfdL .. d'gfn / dh'/sf] b]vL nfnhf]8L . Tof] rd]/f] s}n] af]S;L s}n] wfdL .. aNntNn pk|mL lxF8g] km6]ª\ u|f]n] eG5– k/]jfsf] t'ngfdf d} 5' cu|ufdL .. 8sf/]/ df5f]nfO{ bf]if lbG5 uf]xL– e'mSofP/ k]6leq k;]5 x/fdL .. d'vel/ /ut 5 eG5] s'v'/Ln]– AjfF;f]nfO{ s;/L d eg"F zflGtsfdL Û.. lrt'jfsf] ;]vL emfg{ eG5 v/fof]n]– dg'{ k/] n8L d5'{ ;xGg u'nfdL .. uDeL/ e} eGg' k¥of] cfh g]kfnLn] . hLjhGt'x? dfem sxfF 5f}F t xfdL < uGxfP/ ;]/f]km]/f] a:g' vfg' 5}g . slt s'5f}{ nf;nfO{ eg x} dnfdL Û.. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 25-Feb-04 11:56 AM
oops.. a"+b /fgf uhn ufO{ afv|fx?dfly v'gL k~hf 8fdL . x]/ cfh lrt'jfn] cf]9\of] /fdgfdL .. hnyn rg]{ Eofu'tfsf] pbL{ xf] of]– …u8\of}+nfn] lx+8g' x'Gg df6f] 5fdL–5fdL ..Ú …7"nf7fn'x?nfO{ k'Hg' k5{Ú eGb} . e'b|'ªn] r9fp+5 lu4df ;nfdL .. d'gfn / dh'/sf] b]vL nfnhf]8L . Tof] rd]/f] s}n] af]S;L s}n] wfdL .. aNntNn pk|mL lxF8g] km6]ª\u|f]n] eG5– k/]jfsf] t'ngfdf d} 5' cu|ufdL .. 8sf/]/ df5f]nfO{ bf]if lbG5 uf]xL– e'mSofP/ k]6leq k;]5 x/fdL .. d'vel/ /ut 5 eG5] s'v'/Ln]– Ajf+;f]nfO{ s;/L d eg"+ zflGtsfdL <.. lrt'jfsf] ;]vL emfg{ eG5 v/fof]n]– dg'{ k/] n8L d5'{ ;xGg u'nfdL .. uDeL/ e} eGg' k¥of] cfh g]kfnLn] . hLjhGt'x? dfem sxfF 5f}F t xfdL < uGxfP/ ;]/f]km]/f] a:g' vfg' 5}g . slt s'5f}{ nf;nfO{ eg x} dnfdL <.. |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 25-Feb-04 02:17 PM
Nepe Sir, Yo sanai umer ma man harmna lage Yinai sundari le julam garna lage Lau hera aat tinako katti Mukhada jhukai najar tarna lage. I think this one was the best of Moti Ram, but Nepali Kavita posted that one in their collection. Rokka was the inventor of muktak chhanda in Nepali, in you word gazaloid kavita. I posted that because of its beauty. Actually I was looking for "Mateko Manchhe Ko Bhasan Madhyaraat Pacchi Ko Sadak Lai" by Bairagi Kaila and Bund Rana ko crown jewel of Nepali Gazal. Andheri Raat Ma Inkalab Ayo. Harayo Bhaneko Chitthiko Jabab Ayo. |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 25-Feb-04 03:36 PM
Orhan Veli Kanik THE TAVERN I don't love her anymore So Why should I walk Nights By the tavern Where I drank Every night Thinking of her? THE POEM OF BEING LONELY They don't know, Those who don't live alone, How frightening is Soundlessness; How a person talks to himself, How he runs to mirrors, Hungry for a soul, They don't know it. PRO PATRIA What have we not done For our mother Land; Some of us died; Some gave speeches. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 25-Feb-04 08:57 PM
nsshrestha ji, I have missed the Nepali literary world of 90's. So I haven't have chance to read all great ghazals of that era. Bund's sher that you posted is terrific. Andheri Raat Ma Inkalab Ayo. Harayo Bhaneko Chitthiko Jabab Ayo. Not many of us believed it would come. Some had already decided to settle, others believed in a slow and quite inqilab such that you even wouldn't feel it. Gopal Prasad Rimal was discredited and forgotten. Now we live his words. ..tyo hiun ra aago bhanda pani badhtaa chhoine bhaera aaunchha.. Thanks for posting other poems too. Beautiful muktaks they are. |
| Gokul | Posted
on 26-Feb-04 04:52 AM
Andheri Raat Ma Mao ko Bhoot Ayo. Thegana Galat Bhayera Email Pharki Ayo. |
| Bahudaliya Panchayat | Posted
on 26-Feb-04 06:18 AM
K bhanni aba, Hanshako majhama Bakullo jasto ma ta. Yaso panda herma na hai: Ani Pandako barema yaso kavita jaaos na. Narayan! narayan!! narayan!!! http://www.nepaljapan.com/nepalsaptahik/2004/23-29FEB/Ashis.htm |
| Nepe | Posted
on 26-Feb-04 09:43 PM
nsshrestha ji, Bairagi Kainla's 'maateko manchhe..' is in the collection of nepalikavita.com. Could you please find and post Bund's 'Inkalab aayo' ? **************** Gokul ji, Here is one from me, Vilamba_maa Inkalaab_ko apa_bhramsha aayo Kintu saara_maa inkalaab sa_dabaab aayo ljnDadf OGsnfasf] cke|+z cfof] lsGt' ;f/df OGsnfa ;bafa cfof] |
| Biswo | Posted
on 26-Feb-04 10:04 PM
nsji: That poem by Moti Ram Bhatta was great. I remember reading some of his poems, but don't remember any thing to post here. I think some day I will start to use Akhilesh Karnaji's Nepali translator, and post some of my favorite writer's poems in Nepali. |
| GoberGanesh | Posted
on 26-Feb-04 10:05 PM
Andheri Raat Ma Mao ko Bhoot Ayo. Bihanai Sahar ma Inkalab ko saboot Ayo. Thegana Galat Bhayera Email Pharkechha kyare. Tato khun liyera sadak ma prajatantra ko doot ayo. |
| kalabati | Posted
on 27-Feb-04 07:30 AM
AAj ko kabita 
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| Deep | Posted
on 27-Feb-04 08:09 AM
Raaja janadesh janadesh bhanchhan Janata duhai duhai bhanchhan Bahudal Ngyakiyore Bhanchhan Nagariklai afno kun dal ho thah chhaina! Narayanhitima Raaja Chhaina Singhdurbarma Pradhanmantri Chhaina Maobad Aayore Bhanchhan Prachandako chal chul chhaina!! Samsadma Saamsad Chhaina Julusma Murdabad Chhaina Ganatantra Aaayo re Bhanchhan Ganalai atto patto chhaina!!! |
| Nepe | Posted
on 27-Feb-04 11:57 AM
GobarGanesh ji, Nice extension. Here is more.. Andheri Raat Ma Mao ko Bhoot Ayo. Bihanai Sahar ma Inkalab ko saboot Ayo. Thegana Galat Bhayera Apasandesh Pharkechha Tato khun liyera sadak ma loktantra ko doot ayo. Raat_bhar bhoot_ko kabja_ma rahe pani Aakhir Ikalab na ho, saaboot ayo Aviswasi_ko shayan_kaxa_ma pugee saadar Inkalab sasharir huna prastut ayo Chhada aankha maadna, chhalaa chhoda chimotna apexitai ho, adbhoot bhane adbhoot ayo c+w]/L /ftdf dfcf]sf] e"t cfof] laxfg zx/df OGsnfasf] ;a't cfof] 7]ufgf unt eP/ ck;Gb]z kms]{5 tftf] v"g lnP/ ;8sdf nf]stGqsf] b"t cfof] /fte/ e"tsf] sAhfdf /x] klg cflv/ OGsnfa g xf] ;fa't cfof] cljZjf;Lsf] zogsIfdf k'uL ;fb/ OGsnfa ;z/L/ x'g k|:t't cfof] 5f8 cf+vf df8\g, 5fnf 5f8 lrdf]6\g ck]lIft} xf], cb'e"t eg] cb'e"t cfof] |
| KALANKISTHAN | Posted
on 27-Feb-04 12:25 PM
Wow wow... Nice Poems there... !! More More... |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 27-Feb-04 03:23 PM
Nepe sir, Lets give some extension to this. :) Miyo gadera chhadi ra chhu, daunu nadaunu timro khusi sarai birano bhayou hajur, aunu na aunu timro khusi. ra(rakheko) Kalawatiji, First lets work on handwritting, and we will move to poetry. One step at a time :) |
| TRIKAL | Posted
on 27-Feb-04 04:49 PM
God is the ocean. All the worlds are like waves. This is the truth. Nothing to hold on to, Nothing to let go of, Nothing to dissolve. |
| kalabati | Posted
on 28-Feb-04 03:56 AM
People have this desire 
|
| Nepe | Posted
on 28-Feb-04 07:00 PM
So, relay race of shayari ! Alright, nsshresth ji, I think it will be a good exercise and hopefully a fun. Let each person add one sher to the one you started. Let's follow the minimum rules of ghazal, so that it is a real ghazal and is readily available for the musicians of the house (Hangu bhai, are you reading this ?) to compose a music for it without editing it. Participants, please follow the following three simple rules- 1. The total number of syllables in each line of a sher in this ghazal should be 18. (Try to arrange, specially for the second line, the words in such a way that a pause can be inserted in the middle- 9 syllables, then pause, then 9 syllables more. ) 2. The second line of each sher should end in TIMRO KHUSHI 3. Immediately in front of TIMRO KHUSHI, use a word that rhymes with DAAUNU/AAUNU That's all. I have added two ashara (note: plural of sher is ashara). I call upon all Sajha ghazal lovers to add more. Miyo gadera chhadi ra chhu, daunu nadaunu timro khusi sarai birano bhayou hajur, aunu na_aunu timro khusi. modina pani milne pharaak paareko chhu aangan baato aba timro baggi na_aaune nihun banaaunu timro khushi nakhaeko kaile chhu timro kuraa ? aghaaeko kaile chhu ? kuraa okalnu timro khushi, kura chapaaunu timro khushi * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *, * * samaaunu timro khushi * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *, * * * gaaunu timro khushi * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *, ladakhadaaunu timro khushi etc. etc. ... ldof] uf8]/ 5f8L /fÚ5', bfpg' g bfpg' ltd|f] v'lz ;fx|} lj/fgf] eof} xh'/, cfpg' g cfpg' ltd|f] v'lz df]l8g klg ldNg] km/fs kf/]sf] 5' cf+ug af6f] ca ltd|f] aUuL gcfpg] lgx'+ agfpg' ltd|f] v'lz gvfÚsf] 5' slxn] ltd|f] s'/f < c3fÚsf] 5' slxn] < s'/f cf]sNg' ltd|f] v'lz, s'/f rkfpg' ltd|f] v'lz ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ), ) ) /dfpg' ltd|f] v'lz ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ), ) ) ) ufpg' ltd|f] v'lz ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ) ), n8v8fpg' ltd|f] v'lz OToflb, OToflb===== |
| DcKeta | Posted
on 29-Feb-04 12:09 PM
Ok one of my friends filled that for you NEPE. saath dinchhu timilai harek modma, patyau na_patyau timro khusi leu sahara mero priye, ya ladkhadau timro khushi thanks |
| Nepe | Posted
on 29-Feb-04 04:14 PM
DCketa ji, Thank you for posting your friend's sher. The second line of the sher is perfect. However, in the first line, the total number of the syllables has exceeded 18, which is not allowed. Also, you are not supposed to end the first line with TIMRO KHUSHI. To illustrate the rule, I have composed the first line this way, Jhola faalera yo jholunge pool_ma haat khali rakheko chhu Leu saharaa mero priye, ya ladkhadau timro khushi emf]nf kmfn]/ of] emf]n'¨] k"ndf xft vfnL /fv]sf] 5' n]p ;xf/f d]/f] lk|o, of n8v8fp ltd|f] v'lz |
| Nepe | Posted
on 29-Feb-04 04:26 PM
oops.. replace LADKHADAU with LADKHADAUNU. Okay, replace the whole sher in the above posting with the following. Jhola faalera yo jholunge pool_ma haat khali rakheko chhu Linu saharaa mero priye, ya ladkhadaunu timro khushi emf]nf kmfn]/ of] emf]n'+u] k'ndf xft vfnL /fv]sf] 5' lng' ;xf/f d]/f] lk|o, of n8v8fpg' ltd|f] v'lz |
| Gokul | Posted
on 29-Feb-04 04:44 PM
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| Gokul | Posted
on 29-Feb-04 05:51 PM
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| shirish | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 12:29 PM
Nepe guru, v'Nnf ´\ofnaF6 cWofµf] dfq k:oF] sf]7FdF, dfUF]]sF] 3Fd of h"g xF] , ph]n]F -h]_ lbg' ltd|F] v'lz π |
| Nepe | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 01:09 PM
Beautiful ashara from Gokul ji and Sirish ji. However, Shirish ji ko qafiya ra beher mileko chhaina. Gokul ji ko chhai qafiya maatra mileko chhaina. Perhaps we can skip technical editing for now. Let's keep pouring. |
| shirish | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 01:49 PM
;fx|} lj/fgf] eof} xh'/, cfpg' g cfpg' ltd|f] v'lz n]p ;xf/f d]/f] lk|o, of n8v8fp ltd|f] v'lz Nepe guru, I read your instructions, those are conflicting too. so I tried to be in the midstream and the je in the bracket, can be added or removed. etro euta euta akchyar insert garera, kaamma pani, kaam na paa' jausto garera basyo , tai pani tyo bhayena, yo bhayena. Hyaaa! Baru katha nai lekhnu parla! |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 03:32 PM
Miyo gadera chhadi ra chhu, daunu nadaunu timro khusi sarai birano bhayou hajur, aunu na_aunu timro khusi............... 1 indra dhanus ko sarangi ma, badalu ko yo murchunga dhun timrai chedi de chhu, gaunu nagaunu timro khusi............. 5 |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 03:43 PM
Gokul Ji, Moti Ram ko birkhe topi dhari jyan ma Yuddha prasad ko jutta lagai diye jasto bhyena ra? Yo sanai umer ma jiu jyanai harna lage Rakta kranti ko jwalamukhi le julam garna lage....... |
| Nepe | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 04:37 PM
Shirish ji, Teti ramro sher banaunu bhyo. Aba jaabo ek dui axer eta-uta parna hyaa bhanne ? La mai garidinchhu 
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| Nepe | Posted
on 01-Mar-04 04:47 PM
nsshrestha ji, Wah ! Wah ! kya rumani ! kati sundar ! ----- As for Gokul ji's sher, I think a ghazal is not supposed to be necessarily monotonous. No ? |
| shirish | Posted
on 02-Mar-04 06:36 AM
tyo "ramaunu" bhako sher maile book garya chu hai. Its getting fun. And the corrected version of the sher's are coming out nicely. Thanks nepe guru. |
| shirish | Posted
on 02-Mar-04 06:55 AM
nepe guru, here is one another "sher", dhera-thor namileko milaunu hola hai! garoh huncha vidh_na eklai (10), dhajji oodaunda duniya_le (11) prahar jati/sabai malai deu ya (11), chot vai ramaunu timro khusi (11) Nepali ma type garnu nagarnu nepe ko khusi !! |
| sense | Posted
on 02-Mar-04 07:24 AM
khai yo kasto cha kunni...yesso bichma wah wah bhandiye yo sikaru aabhari hunethiyo ki? jwala bhariyeko yo mutu ma jeevan ko k aartha hajar goli lagera ladepani, aasu bahaunu nabhaunu timro khusi. jaanchu bhayo dherai aba,raat pani dherai bityo sath dine bacha gareka ti haat haru le samau nasamau timro khusi sapanaka lahar ma koriyeka akcher haru ka geet, bedena ka muhar le jhaskinu wa gaunu timro khusi. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 02-Mar-04 12:51 PM
Sense ji, Thank you for your contribution. First thing first, the rule. In this ghazal, each line should have 18 syllables in total. But your lines range from 15 to 24 as shown below. Could you please re-write and post them again ? It will be a good exercise if you are doing shayari for the first time. jwa-la -bha-ri-ye-ko- yo- mu-tu- ma- jee-van- ko- k- aar-tha (16) ha-jar- go-li -la-ge-ra -la-de-pa-ni-, aa-su- ba-hau-nu- na-b-hau-nu ti-mro- khu-si. (24) jaan-chu- bha-yo- dhe-rai- a-ba-,raat- pa-ni- dhe-rai- bi-tyo (15) sath-di-ne- ba-cha- ga-re-ka- ti- haat- ha-ru -le- sa-mau- na-sa-mau- ti-mro- khu-si (22) sa-pa-na-ka- la-har- ma- ko-ri-ye-ka- ak-cher- ha-ru- ka- geet, (17) be-de-na- ka- mu-har- le- jhas-ki-nu- wa- gau-nu- ti-mro- khu-si.(17) To all, the reminder of the rules of this ghazal one more time: Participants, please follow the following three simple rules- 1. The total number of syllables in each line of a sher in this ghazal should be 18. (Try to arrange, specially for the second line, the words in such a way that a pause can be inserted in the middle- 9 syllables, then pause, then 9 syllables more. ) 2. The second line of each sher should end in TIMRO KHUSHI 3. Immediately in front of TIMRO KHUSHI, use a word that rhymes with DAAUNU/AAUNU That's all. ************************* Shirish ji, Here is a minor editing gahro huncha bhid_na eklai, dhajji oodaunda duniya_le prahaar malai baanda ya eklai chot vai ramaunu timro khusi ufx|f] x'G5 eL8\g Psn}, wHhL p8fp+bf b'lgofn] k|xf/ dnfO{ af+8 of PSn} rf]6 e} /dfpg' ltd|f] v'zL |
| shirish | Posted
on 02-Mar-04 05:31 PM
euta arko sher: pareko chu sadhai jhel_ma (9), haar jeet nahune khel_ma (9) galti dekhaoo hisab_ma (9), ya sachyaunu timro khusi (9) Nepe guru, adha akcyar naganera ali jhel garya chu...hai !beher bhayena bhanla bhanera! duita adha acher jodyo bhane feri hisab mildaina...tesko ke niyem cha ni? Sanchai bhanne ho bhane ta majja po aauna thalya cha. Just for the sake of fun: I have one another sher ready with "rangaaunu"as quafia and i would like to see how you would write that...and I will post mine tomorrow, but after you. The radif "timro khusi' does imply different meaning even though it rhymes? Whats the rule for that? Kripaya jharko namani batayee dinu huncha ki? There should be something more than just rhyming ! sometimes its verb and sometimes its noun! (show me the mistakes with maths or else,you correct as you like show me the mistakes with maths or else correct as your wish) Bujhnu bho? Would you mind if i post your comments on my story? |
| Nepe | Posted
on 03-Mar-04 10:03 AM
Shirish ji, You have asked very important questions. Important because I do not know the definite answers. But I'll give you my opinion and share my observations. I am not trained as a linguist. So my description may be inaccurate. That said, as we aware, our written language is phonetic. We write the sound, not the spelling. Pre-modern Nepali used to be written pure phonetically. Example: Bhanubhakta's Ramayan. But modern Nepali got corrupted (we started imitating Sanskrit). Now we have words which are written differently and pronounced differently. In Nepali chhandabadda kavita, the rule is to count the written letters. A half letter (halanta) is not counted, however, if it follows a short (hraswa) letter, the later will be considered as a long (deergha) letter. The letter in a word that is pronounced as a half letter but written as a full letter, it is counted as a full letter. It is probably safe to follow the same rule for ghazal. However, I have a different opinion. I think the letters that are written as a full letter but pronounced as a half letter (consonant only) should have freedom be counted or ignored. Musicians who is going to sing should figure that out. Even in case of real half letters, in rare cases, they should be allowed to be counted as a full letter. Once again, musicians will have to figure that out by reading other lines of the ghazal. In some songs, Narayan Gopal has gone extreme to pronounce 'Bi-shwaas' (2 syllables) as 'Bi-su-wa-sa' (4 syllables !) I may have confused you rather than making them clear. So let me summarize my opinion 1. Written half letter - don't count except in extremely rare cases. 2. Pronounced half letter - count or don't count, timro khushee. But keep in mind that they are counted in Nepali chhandabadda kavita. **** In case of radif and qafiya, the rule is for rhyming only. If they have multiple meanings, use whichever meaning you want. I knew that people might get confused and get stuck in aaunu na aaunu/daaunu na daaunu/lgaanunu na gaanuna/laaunu na laaunu type of qafiya (limiting TIMRO KHUSHEE to mean 'as you wish') in this ghazal. That's why, I examplified the basic rule by variation right from the beginning. The following sher is another example which gives the meaning 'Your happiness' to TIMRO KHUSHEE. Malaai tyaagi, swikaari, feri tyaagdaa 'ni khushee chhainau timee Ma anubhavhin_le ke ho ke gari thammyaaunu timro khushee dnfO{ TofuL, l:jsf/L, km]l/ TofUbf lg v'zL 5}gf} ltdL d cg'ejlxgn] s] xf] s] u/L 7DDofpg' ltd|f] v'zL |
| Nepe | Posted
on 03-Mar-04 10:05 AM
On your story, that was my quick remark. If you're satisfied, post it. |
| Gokul | Posted
on 03-Mar-04 11:18 AM
Nepeji, "The letter in a word that is pronounced as a half letter but written as a full letter, it is counted as a full letter." I think this is not correct. Half letter (whether pronounced or written as such) is never counted in Chhanda. However, you are correct in noticing that half letter following a hraswa makes the previous letter deergha. In this sense, a half-letter is like a catalyst, does not take part in chhanda but makes the pronunciation long (hence slow). Some examples: Tato, rato ragata ripu ko pyiuna hardam tayar - Siddhicharan Here, hardam (meaning always) has a last letter "ma" which is pronunced m (half m) but is obviously counted. If you also count it, then that would exceed the length of Mandakranta chhanda which should have only 17 letters. More: shaheeda ko ragat bagee, chhita pare jata jata Hajaara phoola jhan phule, uta nayaa bichaara kaa (Modanath) ragat (counted as 2) In order to overcome this problem, poets use halanta to indicate that the word should be read as half even though the word, in general, is written without a halant. "Ragat" is one such example but there are definitely many. |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 03-Mar-04 12:40 PM
Euta sano tukra feri ropi diu tuprukka. Sir haru hisab gardai garnus, rubber chanda ko yo chari, rubber chanda lai feri ek choti tankauchha........ Miyo gadera chhadi ra chhu, daunu nadaunu timro khusi sarai birano bhayou hajur, aunu na_aunu timro khusi............... 1 indra dhanus ko sarangi ma, badalu ko yo murchunga dhun timrai chedi de chhu, gaunu nagaunu timro khusi............. 5 Yatra ati bho swair ganga ko, jami_na ma utarchheu timi? jata timrai chha balistha, failaunu nafailaunu timro khusi.............19 swair ganga - imagination? else i have to rewrite line 19. What is the meaning of murchhana? I find it better fitting than murchunga..Nepe Sir and Gokul Guru. jata(Siva ji brand ko kapal) |
| nsshrestha | Posted
on 03-Mar-04 12:45 PM
Oh, I forgot to tell - this is jata, oiled with chameli ko tel, not jata with jatta.. Usko sundar ghana kapal lai Nepe Sir ko hisab milauna jata banaunu pareko ko ma chhyama prarthi chhu..:) |
| Nepe | Posted
on 03-Mar-04 02:46 PM
Gokul ji, Gokul ji, Thank you for the corrections. I was not aware of examples where a full (ajanta) letter can be ignored like a half (halanta) letter. I would have first thought them as typo. Perhaps they were halanta in the manuscript. And a proofreader, ignorant of chhanda, may have made them ajanta. However, if the examples are plenty, then that is indeed an accepted exception. Talking about chhanda and exception, it seems Urdu chhandas have a few liberal rules vis a vis Sanskrit chhandas. An extra short syllable at the end, or, in some cases, a long syllable instead of two short syllables, are allowed. Anyway, a reminder to all, we are not writing a chhandabadda ghazal. So no need to worry about hraswa/deergha. One more note of ignorance from me. What exactly are baarnik chhanda and maatrik chhanda ? My impression is that the one that follows the pattern of hraswa/deergha are baarnik chhanda. Descriptive meter. The one that only counts the letter/syllables without any regard to the pattern of hraswa/deergha is maatrik (quantitative) chhanda. So Shardulbikridita/Mandakranta etc are examples of baarnik chhanda and ghazal, doha and geet are in maatrik chhanda. Am I correct ? ************* nsshrestha ji, Thank you for your effort to respect the meter of the ghazal. After all, your matla defined the meter. I had first heard the word 'Murchhanaa' in Narayan Gopal's (Hari Bhakta Katuwal ?) song. 'Mero yo geet ma jun murchhanaa chha tyo timee hoinau ko bhanna sakchha' I think 'murchhanaa' is a poetic version of 'murchhaa'. (fainting). So it may mean ecstasy. Any bhashavid ? |
| kalabati | Posted
on 04-Mar-04 07:53 AM
Herer maatra ke bujhan sakchhau dil ko yo kasi phorer mutu khojechhau heran phordinchu lau khushi |
| shirish | Posted
on 04-Mar-04 08:39 AM
Kalabati ji, herer maatra ke bujhan sakchhau dil ko yo kasi phorer mutu khojechhau, heran phordinchu lau khushi. kafia ra radif milauna hola, if you are trying to give continuity as a ghazal. Nepe guru ko kaam maile hastachep garyo nabhannu hola ! kafia ends with the rhyming word of "nu" radif is "timro khusi" Please refer to Nepe guru's previous postings for the rules . They are really helpful. |
| shirish | Posted
on 04-Mar-04 11:01 AM
aarko euta sher. s'l076 of]jg cFa]zdF, eGb} 5 vFln l;pbF]nFO{, a}+;sf] µFt lg cF]efgf] <( of µ‹fpg' ltd|f] v'lz ð ( nepe guru, busy justo cha ni? I am following this hai! 1. The total number of syllables in each line of a sher in this ghazal should be 18. (Try to arrange, specially for the second line, the words in such a way that a pause can be inserted in the middle- 9 syllables, then pause, then 9 syllables more. ) |
| gokul | Posted
on 04-Mar-04 11:39 AM
Nepeji, "My impression is that the one that follows the pattern of hraswa/deergha are baarnik chhanda. Descriptive meter. The one that only counts the letter/syllables without any regard to the pattern of hraswa/deergha is maatrik (quantitative) chhanda. So Shardulbikridita/Mandakranta etc are examples of baarnik chhanda and ghazal, doha and geet are in maatrik chhanda. Am I correct ? " Absolutely correct. Matrik chhanda deals more with sound (primarily vowels) than individual letters. It is found in Vedas. Muktaks are sort of matrik. My thinking is that ghazal, doha etc. belong to "Geya" although there is not any rigid classification scheme. Late Hemchandra Pokhrel of Dhankuta was an extraordinary personality. He wrote English poems in Varnik chhanda. It is said that he was the only person who could understand and critique Devkota's poetry. Despite his poetic talent, he remained obscure. |
| Nepe | Posted
on 04-Mar-04 03:27 PM
Thank you, Gokul ji. That was informative. English poetry in Baarnil chhanda ? Unbelievable. 5 lines ko Sonnets are maatrik chhanda kyare. ******************* Everybody, I think this ghazal is saturating now. So let's compose the maqta, the concluding couplet. Let's use "sajha" as takhallus. Meanwhile, here are all couplets put together. I have added three new couplets. And I hope you agree with my editing. Thanks. ldof] uf8]/ 5f8L /fÚ5', bfpg' g bfpg' ltd|f] v'zL ;fx|} lj/fgf] eof} xh'/, cfpg' g cfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -Pg=P;= >]i7_ df]l8g klg ldNg] km/fs kf/]sf] 5' cf+ug af6f] ca ltd|f] aUuL gcfpg] lgx'+ agfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -g]k]_ s}Ún] c3fP+ ltd|f] s'/fn] < s}Ún] gvfP+ ltd|f] s'/f s] < s'/f atfpg' ltd|f] OR5f, s'/f rkfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -g]k]_ ;'gsf] emf]nf kmfnL of] emf]n'+u] k'ndf vfnL /fVofÚ 5' xft lng' lng' d]/f] ;xf/f, of n8v8fpg' ltd|f] v'zL -dfkm{t l8=;L=s]6f_ o'4e"ldaf6 cfkm\g} /utn] clGtd lr7L n]Vt}5' cefuL, cft+sjfbL of zxLb 5kfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -uf]s'n_ ;Demgfx? w]/} 5g\ ;Demg ;Sg]x?sf nflu lal;{g lal;{g' of ;DemfO{ ;DemfO{ la;f{pg' ltd|f] v'zL -uf]s'n_ v'Nnf ´\ofnaF6 c+Wofµf] dfq k:oF] rf]6f sf]7FdF dfUF]]+ ph]nF], 3Fd h"g of d':sfg n]Ú/fpg' ltd|F] v'zL -lzl/if_ OGb|wg'ifsf] ;f/+uLdf afbn'sf] of] d'r{'ª\uf w"g ltd|} 5]8L lbofÚ 5' , ufpg' gufpg' ltd|f] v'zL -Pg=P;= >]i7_ ;kgfsf nx/df sf]l/Psf cIf/x?sf uLt j]bgf d'xf/d} df}g /fVg' jf u'Gu'gfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -;]G;_ ofqf clt ef]Ú :j}/u+ufsf], hldgdf ptf5\{of} ltdL < h6f alni6 ltd|f] km}nfpg' gkm}nfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -Pg=P;= >]i7_ d'6'sf] s;Ldf ;'gsf] t/af/ 3f]6\g ;d]t lbP+ TotLn] k'¥ofpg' lrGg of d'6' km'6fpg' ltd|f] v'zL -snfjtL_ s'l07t of}jg cFa]zdF, eGb} 5 vFnL l;+pbF]nFO{, slt sf/0fn] ef]Ú, cF]efgf] /fVg', µª\ufpg' ltd|f] v'lz < -lzl/if_ k/]sf] 5' ;w}+ em]ndf, xf/lht gx'g] v]ndf e'nr's ca lng] lbg], h] h] ;RRofpg' ltd|f] v'zL -lzl/if_ ufx|f] x'G5 eL8\g Psn}, wHhL p8fp+bf b'lgofn] k|xf/ dnfO{ af+8 of PSn} rf]6 e} /dfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -lzl/if_ dnfO{ TofuL, l:jsf/L, km]l/ TofUbf lg v'zL 5}gf} ltdL d cg'ejlxgn] s] xf] s] u/L 7DDofpg' ltd|f] v'zL < -g]k]_ cf+ ubf{ cn+sf/ a'em\g]x?sf] hdft aLr 5\of} d]/f] gfdf]Rrf/0f ug{ d'v afpg' gafpg' ltd|f] v'zL -g]k]_ 5fgf] 5fP 5fgf], afbn 5fP afbn, d}n] gfO{ elgg cf]t nfUg, ?em\g tof/ 5', 5fpg' g5fpg' ltd|f] v'zL -g]k]_ cf]+7 h'7f] x'g;S5, em'7f] lg x'g;S5, Tof] ;f]r]/ k:s]+ ufnfdf Djf+O{, vfg', cGsgfpg' ltd|f] v'zL -g]k]_ |
| literature@inls.org | Posted
on 04-Mar-04 05:22 PM
Dear Ghazal lovers, If you live in the DC area and would like to participate on a Ghazal Workshop, please send an e-mail to literature@inls.org. We still have few seats available. We are presenting DC based renowned Ghazalkar, Dr. Deepak Khadka at 2:00PM on March 14th. This is his third ghazal workshop in the area. We would like to thank Mr. Khadka for his time and effort in educating literature lovers. Here are the details about the program: http://www.sajha.com/sajha/html/eventdetail.cfm?eventid=304 Please continue with your discussions of Ghazal after this short break on this thread :-) |
| kalabati | Posted
on 05-Mar-04 04:05 AM
man chetan banechha, na dekhaau timra ti laazharu kholchhau khol ke bhanchu ma ra tyo timro khushi |
| kalabati | Posted
on 06-Mar-04 04:05 AM
boldaima ke hune ho ra yee haamra baat haru dard na khuldai, haanshi, man ruwaunu timro khushi |
| shirish | Posted
on 06-Mar-04 02:45 PM
"I think this ghazal is saturating now." No Nepe Guru ! mero khusi ko antya nagardinu hola ! Else, let start with new one. I am going for some more couplets. Eklo houla birano thaun_ma, atyash oo_ttikai lagdo ho, Samjhera afanta chwassa dukhnu, ya muskuraunu timro khusi ! Adhir ankha parkhi rakya cha, natak po kahile shuru hola? avatar chhito dekhaunu, ya purdhai na_oo_ghaarnu timro khusi ! (purdah=curtain) khar_kai bhayeni banayen ghar, aangan_ma vabisya dekhne rahar, sharma mannu kina? banda kotha_ma, lajai_pachaunu timro khusi ! (banda= closed) (tyo last ko alli rated bha' justo cha hai) |
| oys_chill | Posted
on 06-Mar-04 05:24 PM
I have never been inclined to gajals or kabita, but after reading all heart wrenching lines, I am tempted to write one myself. Nepe dai, this is my first try, and I haven't written in nepali in years, so i am hoping for your candid, constructive criticism: मध्य रातमा आउंछ, संझना अनेक, विथोलिन्छ मन बाचा त गर्थौ नि, लेख्नु नलेख्नु "सुंतली" तिम्रो खुशी ;) |
| Nepe | Posted
on 06-Mar-04 05:53 PM
Kalabati ji, Finally, you composed a sher with a correct rhyme. Thank you. If you want to learn more about the rules of the ghazal, these links I posted elsewhere might be useful, - http://chandrakantha.com/articles/indian_music/gazal.html - http://www.ebazm.com/ghazal.htm ******* ******* Shirish, Good going. The qafiya+radif combination of this ghazal was somewhat restrictive. Yet we managed to compose these many couplets, of course some with severe improvisation of spoken language. It is true that we still have many unused verb words good for qafiya in this ghazal. Plus, it is allowed to use the same qafiya words multiple times. Starting another relay race of ghazal is a good idea. I think we have now a critical mass of ghazal lover in Sajha to continue such thing and perhaps to make it a permanent tradition. If Antyaxeri can go on, why not a ghazal ? By the way, we are planning to practice a ghazal writing in the workshop mentioned above in the message by INSL. Puru ji might have emailed the Matla of a ghazal to all in the list of INSL email for that purpose. After the workshop, perhaps we can practice the same here. Meanwhile we can continue with the ongoing ghazal relay. ****** ******* Oys, I am glad to see you. Thank you for your attempt. Impressive. Your first attempt mai you have put correct baher (meter) and radif (refrain) on your sher. The only things incorrect are qafiya (rhyme) and the place where you have put takhallus (alias, pen name) sounding "suntali". Move "Suntali" to front somewhere and replace na_lekhnu by a word that rhymes with aaunu/gaauna/lekhauna etc. Something like the following will be a correct line for this ghazal Bacha garthyou, chitthi pathaunu wa napathaunu timro khushee |
| kalabati | Posted
on 07-Mar-04 04:19 AM
kusum timi , bani bharmar , bhanbhanau chhu sandai, sugandhit baasanaa le lobhyaunu timro khushi tharthariyechan tarang le aang sabai behoshi piuchhu otha najar le dinu na dinu timro khushi |
| kalabati | Posted
on 08-Mar-04 04:20 AM
yatana ka din haru bitaie rahechu timi bina, dekhen sandhai, bujhanu na bujhanu timro khushi |
| kalabati | Posted
on 09-Mar-04 04:12 AM
dhamiliyo ki aaj ko kabita bich dhar mai adi nirmohi le chhoddai jaanda samjhaunu timro khushi |
| Rusty | Posted
on 09-Mar-04 05:50 AM
Oys winky didai, tyo suntali lai ajha birseko chaina? |
| Nepe | Posted
on 09-Mar-04 04:33 PM
I thank all who contributed your poems and participated in the conversation in this thread. I now invite you all to the second round of shayari in a new thread- - http://www.sajha.com/sajha/html/openThread.cfm?forum=2&ThreadID=14354 |
| GoberGanesh | Posted
on 10-Mar-04 06:19 PM
Is it culminated? |
| kalabati | Posted
on 14-Mar-04 04:25 AM
pharker sandhei nai heri rahen yo aaj ko kabita lau harer sabai haraye, na chahanu timro khushi |