| Username |
Post |
| Stri_Beed |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 03:47 PM
The following is a story of a loser. This story will continue as the writer gets more experienced every weekend. No offense to anyone whose life style might match with the characters in the story.
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The loser goes to parties every weekend, gets drunk, and continues searching for his "sapanaki rani". He mostly fails in finding what he has been looking for.
He usually goes to the party late, around 12 am. Initially, he is determined to keep up the promise he has made the previous weekend: not to get drunk. While sober, he is very aware of his social expectations--many would find it hard to believe he drinks, and his purpose on life.
He has this dilema going on within him: should he be looking for somebody who is likely to maintain a long term relationship? If so, how would it affect him in getting what his wants in terms of non-romantic aspects of life? Would he be able to go to bed with a girl--say, someone whom he admires truly--one night and completely forget her the next day? Sometimes, he even thinks that what he is thinking about is a distraction and should stop. But he often fails in stopping the flow of his thoughts.
When he goes to the parties, he looks for someone who he thinks matches him. He does not go for the hottest girl. He does not go for the cutest girl. He is afraid of getting a negative response to his dance proposal or being completely ignored. Being ignored or rejected is something he does not want to face.
He has a strong liking for American girls as compared to Nepalis, Indians, African or girls of any other origin. He sees a certain Bahun-ness in American girls--cute nose being the most important of all. He is often worried about the racial prejudices he has within him, despite the equal-by-blood doctrine he often preaches. And his liking for American girls is not alcohol-sensitive!
He does not take the initiative in dancing. He looks for someone who is just relaxing, taking a break or sitting along, perhaps waiting for someone.
"Would you mind dancing with me?" This is his pick-up line. To his surprise, he has never been rejected so far. And everytime he has attempted to dance, he has found a girl other guys have been eyeing for sometime. "How did you find MY girl?" a friend of him asked him once.
Once he starts dancing with the girl, he looks right into her eyes. Sometimes he is worried she might get scared, nervous or a combination of the two. "I am used to doing this. Let me know if this bothers you", he wants to be sure that he is not hurting the girl.
But he is a loser.
To be continued....
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| Stri_Beed |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 04:18 PM
As time passes, the loser forgets his previous week's promise not to get drunk. Not so easily, though. He is determined not to get drunk until he takes a few sips of beer or whatever is there. Gradually the things change. The music gets faster, probably due to the effect of alcohol on him, and his search for his "sapanaki rani" intensifies.
The loser has had a strange experience a couple of times in the past. He has been caught dancing with somebody's girl friend. At those times, he was amazed by the lack of consideration the girls showed for their boyfriends.
Of course, it was partly his fault to go and ask somebody's girl friend to dance, but he is a loser. This reasoning conforts him. Everytime he is "caught", he recalls he is a loser. The girl usually goes back to her boy friend and his search continues. "Most of the girls I like are taken, what should I do?" he is often quoted by his friends as having said this when he was drunk.
During his search for "sapanaki rani", he often stumbles into other girls and apologizes, but his search continues. He also stops to say hi to his friends--from both sexes--and most of them smile at him. He feels the comfort the other person is getting in seeing his smile. He does not use his smile lavishly when he is sober. And, except with his closest friends, few have heard him laugh loudly. He is determined to retain that stature.
He thinks he is well respected among his peers. Many of his peers compare him with a notorious person in the university and say, "even somebody as nice as Stri_Beed [name changed] would get pissed of with this guy."
But many find him hard to understand. He talks less. When he has to advise people, he does so using famous proverbs. But he does not explain them.
Once he was dancing with a girl. "I want to get drunk tonight. I did not get into a summer internship I had been striving for so long", she said. "When one door of happiness closes, several other doors open. You should not concentrate too much on the closed door," he replied. He mused at his imprompt answer. After a while, he was not very sure if that was an appropriate answer. He was talking to that girl until everybody had left the party.
At 3 am, he was told she had a boy friend. The loser went back to his room, ordered a pizza at 3:30 in the morning and finished off all the vodka he had in his room. He was sleeping until 2 pm the next day.
To be continued..
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| fRank |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 04:36 PM
Sad ..intolerable cruelty... depressing .. but the aroma of truth making the whole world naseautic..
to be continued
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| oys_chill |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 04:44 PM
Peudina bhandai Piyen? :).......
A haunting truth of thousands of restless souls abroad!
"In the starry night,takes an uneasy turn,
So little time yet there's more to burn.
Wants to reside, but goals pierce n fly,
Loser knows, he's never gonna try".(Oys, Resonance)
But I think read somewhere, once you hit rock bottom, there's only one way up :). Now, I know for a fact that to accept being a part of the loser is the ability to become a winner. Thanx for sharing yor piece with us....hope to read more of this soul provoking tale....
Hey fRank bru, long time no see, how u been?
~Oys
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| fRank |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 04:59 PM
Hey Oys bro
Where have i been? i am a nomad, wandering around. I dont have a sthayee address; so I can't even answer your answer. But am back in sajha. the quality of threads in kurakani has hit rock bottom. however i did enjoy this article incredibly.
oys bro when you hit rock bottom u presume the bottom to be a trampoline and jump on it hard enough to get u out of there " every action has equal and opposite reaction" . realistic........... i doubt; but in my world of fantasy, it works. :)
to be continued................
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| fRank |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 05:03 PM
The aroma of truth is getting into me. misreading big black bold letters while completely sober signifies the emotions flowing through the Matrix within me.. troubling every NEO and Trinity ...........
I misread you question. How have i been? I've been great. Enjoying life as it comes in different packages. I am liking the new one that just came through UPS. :D .
But How have you been?
to be continued........
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| oys_chill |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 05:25 PM
I've been like this author stri_beed's loser..except I don't look for any "sapna ko pari" cause I've realized they soon become "nightmares for life"..eheh....
anyways, I feel inspired writing again.......hopefully sooner......:)
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| p'UNK_316 |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 07:14 PM
Its my pleasure to join you guys in search of TRUTH.......
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| Rosie |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 07:34 PM
Stri_Beed:
You have described the typical life and attitude of most of the Nepali guys here in the US. Good job!
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| p'UNK_316 |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 07:39 PM
Dude, Stri_Beed....if I can add few lines to a story of a loser....
With a slight sense of inferiority complex (not being an american white guy, of course!!), he still has a positive side of him. He knows he's not a bad lookin' guy. As a matter infact, few cute gals have complimented him about his looks. However, that doesn't do it for him to go n' get what he wants. Every morning, on the way to class, his sight catches numerous gals, some cute..some fat....some average.....He notices the "I wanna EAT you" looks from those fat chicks, the "Hi Cute Boy" looks from those average girls and the "I'm better than you" looks from those hot chicks. He can't decide what he wants. He knows, if it was only to get laid, I have quite a many options..Perhaps, too many.....But that doesn't match his SEARCH criteria (which is fairly complex).....
That leads him to attend any program that has any potential of drawing huge crowd. One of the biggest event in his school is Ice Hockey home games. No wonder, he gets there with few of his buds', a lil' drunk (to cheer for home team) , a lil' sober (to keep his focus on his SEARCH). He constantly gets a enigmatic gaze from a girl who fits under his 'criteria' but he can't help to notice the fact that she is sittin' next to a white guy(whoever he may be). Ultimately, his inferiority takes over him, one more time and the search continues........................
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| Rosie |
Posted
on 22-Nov-03 08:30 PM
A guy once told me in a fit of honesty that everything guys do is for girls or to get girls rather...Now, I see what he meant. I think the LOSER's search might be easier if he makes the decision to go after a girl or not after he gets to know her and talk to her rather than solely basing it on physical appearance. The LOSER should also consider that maybe he is not as hot as he thinks he is...maybe that's the reason why his search never ends and why he never gets the girl he drools over. The LOSER needs to have a higher self-esteem and should try not to base his self-perception on having a hot chick as his girlfriend. In conclusion, the LOSER needs to make his SEARCH a soul search, feel good about who he is and look at another person's heart and personality rather than concentrating on superficial aspects.
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| BMW |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 06:37 AM
"You have described the typical life and attitude of most of the Nepali guys here in the US. Good job! "
Rosie, i somewhat agree but if you read again, aparently this looser has never been rejected, and i don't think that applies to a typical nepali man in the usa.
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| Rosie |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 10:23 AM
Yep, you have a point, BMW.
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| Stri_Beed |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 10:42 AM
The loser is sometimes surprised by the miracles alcohol does. Two notable effects: it takes away the weekend and it changes his status in the society he lives in.
Come Friday, he gets drunk. Gets trashed. Gets up at 2 the next day. By the time he does his nityakrama, checks his email, cleans his room and reads news, it is almost dinner time. The loser has hardly been to lunch on Saturdays this semester. He is determined not to get trashed until around 10 pm, when, library closes and he is forced to go back to his room. Most people would get tempted to drink when they see gallons of wine in their rooms; he is not an exception! The loser went to bed at 4 this morning and he got up now. Sunday morning is wasted.
When he is sober, he advises many people. When he is drunk, it is just the other way round--many people advise him, mostly telling him not to get drunk. And when he goes online, there are these people preaching their ideals. He is tired of listening to ideological shit. This is perhaps the loser's weakness, but he gets frustrated when people tell him what he should be doing, especially when he is not drunk. While drunk, the only thing matters to him is his "sapanaki rani" he has been searching for.
He met her once. Fall last year, if he remembers it right. She had a sweet voice. And yes, many guys were after her. She was one of those random picks, who, after dancing at the party and having spent most of the night together--without even kissing--had disappeared suddenly. The loser saw her a couple of times after that night. They only exchanged smiles. But he clearly remembers what he told her and what she told him the night they were together. He was not sure if he should raise the issue discussed that night. She was too drunk. And he did not want to hurt her by telling her everything she had said when she was drunk. May be she did not mean anything. He never called her, nor wrote to her. He is too self-conscious.
The loser does not have the guts to ask anybody where she is. She was not from the graduating class; she has not left the school. He had asked her. In fact, he remembers vaguely what she told him before they departed at 5 am that precious night. She was going to be away. Where and for how long, he does not remember. All he remembers is that he had been graced with a company of the most beautiful women on earth that night. He was too nervous to ask too many questions, although he was drunk. Beauty had taken over; her beauty had offset the confidence alcohol was giving him. She had the sweetest voice on earth. The loser misses her more than anything else.
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| SITARA |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 07:16 PM
Great narration Stri Beed! However, may I ask why the penchant for the term "LOSER"?
I have a vague and ambigious feeling about what you are getting at but I'd rather ask you about the use of such a terminology.
Do go on!
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| Stri_Beed |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 08:24 PM
The loser thinks that this name describes him the most appropriately. Good were the days in high school when he was a role model for others. To himself, he was always a loser. He knew his weaknesses. He knew they would someday emerge and haunt him. But the mere fact that he was liked by others, especially his teachers, had pacified him. He was on top of things: academically and in leadership. He had been a good sport man until his eleventh grade; had won a couple of races, too. He played football, basketball and volleyball. He was never good at any of those, but his played. Playing, he thought, was a necessary aspect of social life.
Things almost took a U-turn once he went to college. He slacked in everything. He stopped sport. His grades went worse. His ambitions, coupled with social expectations--from peers, family and the society, ruined him. He extended his hands toward everything he saw, every opportunity he met. At times, things were just thrown onto his face, but he did grab many of them on purpose. He soon lost balance. And alcohol is where he took his asylum.
Had it been the school days, solitude would have been his last choice. Same with alcohol. But things have changed. Both of these have been his best friends lately.
Sometimes he wonders why he suddenly lost an interest in everything. He replies his emails in a line, hardly talks for a long time over the phone, limits talking to people to as little as possible.
Even during weekdays, the loser goes to bed late, usually after 3. He does not fall a sleep until around 4, sometimes even misses the class. Once he went to bed at 12 in a desperate attemt to change his schedule. He did not fall asleep until 5. He does not remember what he was thinking but, he recalls, that was the longest night ever. At 5:30, he got up from his bed and walked to the nearest liquor store about 25 minutes away. That was on June 4, 2002, Tuesday.
Long ago, he had been in love with a girl. He never told this to anybody. He remembers approaching her once, but he does not remember hearing back from her. That girl, he thinks, is the second most beautiful girl he has ever met. When drunk, he still thinks of her. Dreams holding her hands and kissing her as she smiled. She most probably does not remember him. To her, he might be just one of those guys who go around eyeing every beautiful girl--from Aisharya Rai to Miss Nepals. His secret love for her was revealed, when, during Christmas, he confessed to his friends that he found her more beautiful than Aisharya Rai. This was a Nepali girl.
The loser does not know where he is going. His history was remarkable, something to be proud of. Now, with no destination to reach and no deadline to meet, he is just a wanderer in the street. He did not have to give up on things; they just went away. Nobody took them away from him. Nobody pulled his legs. He pulled them himself. Or, rather his ambitions did.
This is the story of a loser.
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| Rosie |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 09:05 PM
Insomnia! I feel for you, bro...that's the worst kind of terminal illness.
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| fRank |
Posted
on 23-Nov-03 09:36 PM
Is this going to be another story of an all-rounder from Nepal, who was once the "STAR" but unfortunately his parents had a dream of him going to an American college. he has to fulfill it so he moves to america and. now he is all alone. he doesnt see his future as of yet. he is lost in a maze of numerous questions and incomplete statements. he misses his family, his friends back home, his past doesnt allow him to move on. and most of all he regrets the fact that he misses the one factor in life he needs -LOVE of a girl he loves too. he can't find them in all the girls he sleeps with .HE is lonely ... he needs to talk tot he girl he loves.
wondering if this is what it is Stri beed
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| le chef du nuit |
Posted
on 24-Nov-03 01:21 PM
i love cynicism
helps reduce everything to a generalization that we can then dismiss
whoo hoo
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| Stri_Beed |
Posted
on 24-Nov-03 10:01 PM
The loser has certainly started to realize the strength of music. How truly they describe nature--the nature of people, feelings and what not. Confronted by an anonymous user in an online forum, who, perhaps unintentionally, overlooks the gravity of pain that another individual is trying to overcome, the loser remembers a song sung by Ram Krishna Dhakal:
"Aafno dukha pahaad bhanchha, aruko taraai
Gaaro hudo raichha baanchna bhitri man jalaai."
The loser was not "forced" to come to America. It was not his parents who sent him to America. In fact, it was him who convinced his parents that he was leaving for good. Once upon a time, when the loser earned Nrs 10,000 a month and ate the delicious food his Bhauju had cooked, he was a happy man. This was despite his hectic schedule and the sweating he had to do each day in the streets of Kathmandu.
Now, in a world that hardly sleeps, he struggles to find himself a place. Identity crisis, may be. But not exactly. He wishes he knew what it was that was bothering him. It's hard to describe in words. Poets would fail and so would singers and lyricists.
This story is not about a generic loser from a country called Nepal. It is about THE loser. The loser who walks randomly around the city--city of people, city of choices, city of feelings--without a defined destination. When he wakes up--often by a scary dream--the first thing he realizes is that he has failed. When he becomes fully conscious, he finds that his first realization was wrong: he has not just failed, but failed Miserably.
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| stri_beed |
Posted
on 06-Dec-03 06:23 PM
The loser did it again. Last night, he was so drunk last night. But he does remember what he was thinking as he crashed on the sofa at 4 this morning--The Girl. No, not the American girl, but the Nepali girl. He was thinking about her even when he work up intermittently during the "night". He was not thinking about having sex with her; she was too precious to be used that way. He was thinking about kissing her on her lips as she smiled. Kissing her while she smiled as been his biggest dream. Strange fantancies he has.
He even thought of calling her right then. But then, the task would entail calling several other people to get her number. Was he ready to tolerate the gossip that would spread like fire among his peers the next day? Was he ready to face the "society" when he became sober? Who gives a shit, a thought came. But this confidence was soon subdued by another fear that his getting a response, if not as good as he expected, would close the doors to her for ever. Was he ready to face that? No, not yet. He does not want to forget her. Or he can't. One of the two.
What so suddenly made him think about a girl he had not communicated with for almost two years now, he does not know. It just happened. She probably has a boy friend already. Karna Das would sing: "Chhuteko gadi dada kati jaada yatru laai kasto lagchha hola?"
When he became fully conscious at 3 this afternoon, he felt terribly guilty for the American girl he had been dreaming all along.
It is surprising how quickly things you read in books--about heroes, failures and so on--that were so interesting sometime ago become excessively dull. You find that, in struggling to line yourself up with the taxing toils of life, you are in the same position as that of the heroes/losers described in those books. Remember, ambitions killed Macbeth! He was never told the two truths, though (why would he be wandering in search of truth otherwise) and his lovely instrument of LIGHTness never gave him any hint.
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| Rosie |
Posted
on 07-Dec-03 10:14 AM
Dude, were you still drunk when you wrote this? :)
Jokes apart, I think your problem is that you have no goals in life. Just because you failed in achieving some of the goals that you set for yourself before coming to the US, doesn't mean that you give up on life and go around getting drunk and chasing skirts every night. And regarding chasing skirts, lemme tell you something...girls do not like guys who are always looking and girl hunting. It seems rather insecure and desperate...? So, my humble suggestion to you would be to focus on your bigger goals in life like your education, your career, etc. and be more selective with you girl choices. Don't go after any girl that you find pretty or any girl that smiles at you. Be confident despite of what you don't have and because of what you have and see what wonderful things happen to you.
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| Faltu_jocker |
Posted
on 08-Dec-03 08:08 AM
Hey all the smart a******ss.
Why are you disturbing Stir_ Beed.Let him flow in his thought and we sit around sajha and listen/read and enjoy it. Why each of you trying to judge him/suggest him this and that? As if yourself is 100% perfect. I like the story, its great.He is perfect. Probably the best narration ever written in SAJHA( at least he doesn't use GRE english to show how best is his vocabulary , as some others in the FORUM do). Looser is just a character in the story.
Cheers, salute, skolp..... to Stri_beed.Its great narration.
best regards
FJ
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